Dude! You left out:
“The dogs meat, have you seen it?”
It was basically a nothing film. But what WAS the deal with that bowler-hat guy at the end? Was it the directors wannabe-actor friend getting a little screen time?
But the local girl was pretty hot.
The dog’s meat bit - I couldn’t do it justice in short form.
The bowler guy is explained thusly : Reports of the bee-deaths on Seagull Island get back to the Ministry we see in the opening scene, who regret their pooh-poohing of Dr. McCrazyBeeDeath’s idea, and dispatch someone to follow-up.
I suspect the bowler hat guy’s arrival just as the credits roll is meant to be a bit of British drollery. “Look at how ineffectual the government is! Their man doesn’t even pop by until after it’s all taken care of!”
As noted in the credits, **The Deadly Bees ** is “from” the novel A Taste For Honey by H. F. Heard. One definition of the word “from” is “a particle indicating difference, distinction, not being like,” so I guess the movie’s claim is accurate in a sense.
I found a copy of *A Taste For Honey * at the used bookstore some time ago, and was astonished to discover that it’s a Sherlock Holmes mystery.
Space Children has been watched and annotated, but my week’s been hell. Probably will get it posted sometime Saturday.
In the meantime, check out the news over in this thread :
**MSt3K 9.06 - The Space Children **
Hey, now! This episode marks the first short feature of the Sci-Fi era.
Intro : Servo’s got a kissing booth; Pearl has phones installed on the SOL to make it run more like an office, but it backfires.
Short Feature : Century 21 Calling…. An amiable doof and his girlfriend take a nearly-dialogue-free tour of the Seattle World’s Fair, up until they hit the Bell Labs display, whereupon the short gets chatty about all kinds of features. The short’s particularly amusing because it unveils pagers, speeddial, touchtone phones, call forwarding, call waiting, threeway calling - which makes me wonder - if they had all that forty years ago, what have they been innovating since?
Host Segment : Mike is the guy from the Short, the Bots KO him.
A scientist and his family arrive at the site of his new job - a military base working on a space-based atomic weapon. Strange lights and noises are noticed by the children, but the adults seem oblivious. The kids hook up with the children of the other scientists on the base, and instantly bond. Family tension abounds, though - the living arrangements seem to be putting a lot of stress on all the families. Naturally, a weenie roast is held to smooth over the rough patches. Russell Johnson appears in a minor role, as a drunken dad of one of the kids, and Jackie Coogan also appears.
Host Segment : The SOL boys launch a model rocket, and Pearl’s envious, so naturally, she prepares to launch a real one. Bobo begins training at once.
After one of the strange light incidents, the gang of children find a glowing, pulsating rock-like-thing in a beach cave that they frequent. It seems to mind control them, speaking to them in a voice only they can hear. The adults, witless saps that they are, begin dropping like flies - the Professor is the first casualty. The kids begin to display strange powers, messing with the preparations on the base to launch ‘The Thunderer’.
Host Segment : Crow designs clothes for Jackie Coogan.
Here’s the odd bit. One of the head scientists actually figures out that something weird’s going on. Now, in his position, I don’t know that I’d suss out that the children on the base had become agents of a nigh-omnipotent pulsating slime creature, but - I guess the guy’s pretty bright. He IS a scientist, after all. And it’s a refreshing change from the obliviousness we usually see in movies like these. They find the blob thing and try to negotiate with it, to no avail - the launch of the Thunderer fails spectacularly, and the brain-blob launches itself slowly back into space.
Fin : Brain Blob visits the SOL, persuading Tom to get rid of his nuke. Pearl launches Bobo - but Bob forgot to be aboard the rocket.
Signature Riffs:
<Crow> Well, I’m glad to know that the future has Constant Organ Music!
<Tom> A young Mike Nelson visits the fair!
<Mike> The Church… of Science.
<Crow> Did Leni Riefenstahl direct this?
<Crow> ‘How Do Animals Learn?’ Well, as long as they learn to taste good, I don’t really care.
<Crow> ‘Nellie Manley’, whose real name is Sissy Macho.
<Mike> It’s a naturally occurring comedy club!
<Tom> Session Presents! Bald Gold. (Riffback!)
<Crow> The sure-footed executive goat.
<Tom> I think they’re having lunch with Smaug.
<Crow> Earth vs. Nougat! (Riffback!)
Next:
9.07 - Hobgoblins
This is one of my favorite shorts ever. I LOVE seeing them all excited about things that were commonplace by the 1980s. It did take them awhile to implement and perfect the concepts – in my opinion, the best part is seeing how they originally thought the different ideas would work, like that speed dial would rely on a preprogrammed punch card. Seriously, I get large amounts of joy from that short. I’m such a dork. Bonus info: this is one of the bonus shorts on Volume 7 of the DVDs, on the disc with The Killer Shrews.
**Space Chilluns ** seemed to be trying to do the whole no-nukes thing a la The Day The Earth Stood Still. But perhaps it was ill-considered to replace Michael Rennie with a glowing blob or to replace the massive terrifying robot with a group of skinny kids.
I loved the drunk dad jokes:
-Boy, as he’s being chased by his angry dad: “Dad, Look right there! a whole bottle of Jim Beam!”
-Mike to the tune of Gilligans Island: “A three day binge…”
-Dad: “Come here! I’ll break your neck!” Crow: “Kind of a dis-incentive…”
tangential to all this: did you know that Jackie Coogan was a wing commander in a glider infantry unit in WWII? He apparently did at least one combat drop. I bet he was not wearing anything designed by crow, thank god.
Hobgoblins has been watched (in observance of Turkey Day) - I just need to muster the will and free time to type up the notes into the computer. So - soon. Tomorrow, probably.
MST3K 9.07 - Hobgoblins
Yikes. Just… yikes. Available on DVD in Volume 8.
Intro : The SOL Crew keeps accidentally turning each other on; Pearl’s remodeling the castle and sends the guys a couch to store - they bounce on it, and in punishment, she sends them the movie ‘Hobgoblins’.
We open with a pair of security guards - Old Guy and Young Guy, for simplicity’s sale. Young guy gets cocky and goes into a part of the old abandoned film studio he was told to avoid - something makes him hallucinate, and jump to his death. The old guy finds the body, and just shuts the door. (Not locking it, mind you, as nothing is locked in this movie…) Young Guy’s replacement is Kevin, our “hero”.He gets the warning too, and seems content to follow it.
Then, he returns home to see his friends there, waiting with his girlfriend, when he was expecting an evening alone. Here’s the cast : Kyle, the femmey jerk; Amy - the prudish shrew of a girlfriend, and Daphne, the slut. They’re soon joined by Nick, the army jerk. Not a single likeable character in the whole damn movie, folks. Nick establishes his jerk cred by kibitzing Kevin into practicing hand to hand combat techniques with him., and then beating and humiliating Kevin. This upsets girlfriend Amy, who apparently was on crack, as she was expecting Kevin to win. None of this matters, except to set up the fact Kevin wants to impress Amy after she eviscerates his ego at this point in the movie.
Host Segment : Crow’s short film, “Let’s Talk Women”, where he postulates the existence of a so-called ‘female’ of the species - his perspective from the SOL being somewhat limited.
Back on the job, an intruder forces Kevin into the restricted wing of the studio - Kevin unwittingly unleashes the titular Hobgoblins, and the old security guard makes with way too much exposition. They like bright light, and can force people to hallucinate in the form of their deepest fantasies. And they’ve been locked up in the studio for years - like the Warner Brothers.Old Guy sends Kevin off to hunt the little bastards down. The Hobgoblins attack the only other people in town, Kevin’s friends, as they’re having what sort of resembles a party, but without the fun. Nick and Kevin arrive late to the show, and help with a narrow escape from the puppets. Kevin successfully traps the beasts in Nick’s van, where I’m sure the funk would overwhelm them, if not for the fact they can just unlock the doors from the inside and get out. Oops.
Host Segment : Crow has a Crisis Hotline for people troubled by ‘Hobgoblins’ - Bobo calls in, but his love for a woman outside his species (a chimp) does not meet Crow’s hotline’s criteria.
Surprise, the Hobgoblins escape Kevin’s well-thought-out trap. Kyle calls the weirdest sex line ever, and one of the Hobs begins to manipulate his mind with images of a dominatrix lady, and tries to lure him to his death, by getting him to drive it up to the local makeout point. Kevin manages to follow, and rescue Kyle, before the Hob can push the car over the edge. While they were out, though, young prude Amy has been ‘Hobbed’, and has headed off to a local nightclub, Club Scum, to become a stripper.Kevin rounds up the others and follows. Here, folks, is where the movie jumps from godawful to ‘so bad, it’s good.’ Amy’s the second act, and during her show, Nick’s Sergeant shows up… in the strip club… in uniform. This will pay off in the final quarter. Mike and the Boits, meanwhile, put up cardboard cutouts of themselves to fake the silhouettes, and attempt to escape the movie.
Host Segment : More cutouts, singing a lame song about the movie. Pearl catches on slowly, after Brain Guy points out the obvious.
All hell breaks loose as Kevin and friends fight Hobgoblins in Club Scum. One of them gets mental hooks into Nick, sending him into a military Rambo fantasy. This culminates with him jumping on a grenade - which sets him on fire. But don’t worry, he shows up okay at the end. Once Amy’s mind is clear, they pursue the remnants of the fleeing Hobgoblins back to the studio. Kevin’s low self-esteem gets a payoff as he has a fantasy-induced victory over a would-be thief, and the Old Guy shows up, to reveal he lost his job that night, and he blows up the studio, killing the Hobgoblins. Ta-da.
Fin : Tom travelled back in time to kick the director of Hobgoblins in the shin. This was supposed to prevent him from making the movie somehow, but ended up inspiring him to do so.
Signature Riffs :
<Mike> “Has he got Pringles in his shoes?”
<Crow> “Leif Garrett in : The Rose.”
<Tom> “Mike, if I run out of vomit, can I have some of yours?”
<Crow, as Kevin> “Paint my muscle car prune-color, please!”
<Crow> “Can we have a law that in the future, films have to be made by film-makers?”
<Tom> “This movie makes me nostalgic for the film Gymkata.”
<Crow, as Old Guy hurries after an intruder> “Bullitt! Now for Seniors.”
<Crow> “So did the ad for the job read : ‘Wanted : whiny half-wit coward.’?”
<Tom, after the puppet attack> “I don’t like Shari Lewis’s new show.”
<Tom, spotting a gumball machine> “Mom??”
<Crow> “That is not a woman, that is David Lee Roth.”
<Mike> “Jean Paul Sartre and the Heartbreakers.”
And, lastly, one of my all-time faves :
<Old Guy, on phone> “There’s been an accident at the studio.”
<Crow, as Old Guy> “We made ‘Hobgoblins’.”
Next : 9.08 - The Touch of Satan
Rake fight!
Heeheeheeheeheeheeheehee! 
I’m getting Volume 8 as a birthday present tomorrow (or whenever it arrives). I look forward to watching this one again. I haven’t seen it since it was first run!
This one comes close to being unwatchably bad (like the Coleman Francis oeuvre)…but the riffs are good.
The “interview” of Rick Sloane was pretty harsh. Rick Sloane joins Sandy Frank, Joe Don Baker, and the makers of Time Chasers as folks who hate the Best Brains.
I liked the music in Club Scum: “Chord-Chord, Chord-Chord, Other Chord, Chord-Chord!”
And when Kyle saw Fantazia: Crow: “Wow, that’s exactly what I want to look like!”
The plot summary on Wikipedia claims that “The film takes place twenty years later after the original film (…) Kevin and his friends are now in college” – which, honestly, sounds about right for that crew. Except for the part about being in college.
Further, in a recent interview with Film Threat (whose title has probably never been so apropos), auteur Rick Sloane boasts: “To be honest, I already have the complete story for ‘Part 3,’ and with any luck, it will go into production for 2008 release.”
Be afraid. * Be very afraid.*
I was interested to discover that Daran Norris, who played the “Club Scum MC” in Hobgoblins, is today a surprisingly successful voice actor. Among his many, many roles, two stand out for me in particular: he provided the voices of Aragorn and Tom Bombadil in the *Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring * video game. As a longtime fan of both Tolkien and of MST3K, I found myself curiously unable to identify the emotion I experienced upon learning this. Now I have this image of Tom Bombadil meeting Sam and Frodo for the first time: “Greetings, lowlifes!”
One thing’s certain, though: Hey Daran! Do you think you have enough stage names yet?
So, what area do you think they’re pursuing doctorates in? Or did they just keep switching majors for 20 years?
Sometimes you really wish people would abandon their Hollywood dreams and get real damn jobs. You suck at making movies, Sloane, but you might be good at working in a grocery store, or maybe something with computers.
Hey - If anything calls for a MST3K reunion, though. This is it.
Okay, it’s clear to me that A.) My free time isn’t what it once was, and B.) some inertia is starting to set in for me. So I need to push to get these done!
I am going to revert to the short-form reviews - there are other reviews available online for greater detail. But I’ll add in a few other little things…
Today’s feature:
MST3K 9.08 - The Touch of Satan
Available on DVD Volume 5.
Episode Thoughts: I really, really like this episode. The pauses in the dialogue are perfect for the SOL crew to get in their jabs, and it’s chock full of things to make fun of. This would be my favorite of Season Nine - if not for the absolutely flawless ‘Final Sacrifice’.
Movie : A 1970s inaction movie. Witless dope Jody stumbles across witch-girl Melissa, and her odd family, including her aged and disfigured sister Lucinda. Melissa, as it turns out, sold her soul to the devil to save her sister, and a hundred years later, they’re still alive. Melissa still has her youth and looks - the better to seduce young Jody; and her sister still has her pitchfork - the better to murder a whole mess of people.
Memorable Bits : “This is where the fish lives.” “Za!” Lots of pauses.
Intro : Crow and Tom go wassailing in July - Mike nearly has to surrender his ATM card, but comes up with canned wassail. Brain Guy and Bob struggle to deal with a babysitter.
Host Segments : Mike struggles to start a walnut ranch, whereas Tom has an easy time at pecan farming; Crow thinks he’s a witch, and has Mike press him with stones; Tom’s Grandma tries to kill Mike.
Finale : Crow sells his soul… to Stan. Oops.
Signature Riffs:
Lucinda stabs a farmer in the throat with a pitchfork…
<Tom> When sore throat pain strikes!
<Mike> The American Gothic people take revenge.
The movie cuts to a family around a dinner table, laughing…
<Crow, as woman> … and then he died!
<Tom> Emby Mellay? That’s not a name, that’s a bad Scrabble hand.
<Mike> Oh! David Spade is Satan.
<Crow> It’s good casting…
<Mike, as Jody> Welp, I suppose the plot’s not going to unfold itself…
Jody and Melissa kiss by the pond, after the fish line…
<Crow, as Jody> This is where my tongue lives.
<Crow> Wait, you can’t use Amazing Grace in a devil movie!
<Mike> Well, right about then, them Duke boys showed up…
<Tom, singing to ‘Amazing Grace’> “… this song is in, the pub-lic domain, that’s why we used, it twice.”
Next : 9.09 - Gorgo
**Touch of Satan ** is such a great episode.
“You know, a vomit-stained Maverick was hardly a rarity in the 70’s.”
“My sandwich suddenly seems small and inadequate.”
“Nice Lake.”
“Thanks.”
“Mind if I skips rocks across it?”
“No. Nice Car.”
“Thanks.”
“Mind if I skip rocks across it?”
Possibly mentioned earlier, but the witch-hunting crowd was led by Robert Easton of **Giant Spider Invasion ** fame.
Now bring on the Gorgo!
MST3K 9.09 - Gorgo
Episode Thoughts : It’s actually a fairly solid outing, but it just pales in comparison to 9.10…
Movie : It’s Godzilla! Kind of. Two sailors dredge up a baby Godzilla off the coast of Ireland, and manage to subdue the beast, and sell it into captivity. There’s a plucky Irish boy who tells them it’s a bad idea, but they don’t listen. Then it’s mother shows up and trashes London to rescue the baby from the circus.
Memorable Bits : Thick accents. An omnipresent reporter watching things get destroyed in London. Dorkin! Leonard Maltin. Also, William Sylvester.
Intro : Crow’s net has become a nest for the Spix’s Macaw. Pearl meets with Leonard Maltin to maximize the pain for Mike and the Bots.
Host Segments: ‘Waiting for Gorgot’; William Sylvester Trivial Pursuit; The nanites have a circus! Mike destroys it attempting to pay the entrance fee.
Finale : Looking for women in Gorgo; Maltin appears one last time to taunt Mike and the Bots.
Signature Riffs :
Regarding the title…
<Mike> The vice-president’s unimaginative camapign slogan!
<Tom> Hawaii 5-0 used to have really different credits…
<Crow> The legendary lost treasure of Captain Crunch.
As the ship capsizes…
<Crow> Mike, Servo? For what it’s worth - my heart will go on.
<Tom> The HMS Over-Easy!
Spotting a diver…
<Tom> Hey, Mike Nelson!
<Mike> Hey, Tom Servo!
<Tom> … Nevermind.
<Mike> Counting plankton is really hard.
<Mike, as Gorgo> McRoar! O’Growl!
An improbable capture…
<Crow> So did Gorgo cooperate and just wrap himself in the net?
<Mike> How did this happen?
<Crow, as telegraph operator> ‘Am… in… Ireland. Send… real… food.’
As the plucky kid tries to talk with Gorgo…
<Crow, as Gorgo> Go play on Gamera’s back, kid, I’m not into it.
As momma-Gorgo trashes London…
<Tom> Maybe Mary Poppins flies in and kicks his ass.
<Mike> That, I’d pay to see.
** MST3K 9.10 - The Final Sacrifice**
Episode Thoughts : Perfect. One of the best episodes of the entire series. Great for indoctrinating a novitiate - even the host segments are fairly straightforwardly funny without prior knowledge of the series or SciFi-era continuity.
Movie : It’s Raiders of the Lost Ark meets Star Wars! No, not really. Skinny nerd Troy tries to follow in the footsteps of his father - a Canadian archaeologist on the trail of the lost Ziox civilization, who’d been killed seven years earlier by a cult of Ziox descendants, led by the entirely unintimidating Satoris. Troy is joined in his quest by ex-cultist Zap Rowsdower, who has the Best. Name. Ever.
Memorable Bits : Larry Csonka. Crow’s pitch to Mike for a Final Sacrifice TV series. Grizzled Prospector Mike Pipper, channeling Yosemite Sam. Rowsdower. Fewd!
Intro : Brief power outage on the SOL; Tom and Crow are poor looters. Pearl decides to rule the world, one person at a time.
Host Segments : Mike and Crow bash Canada, Tom objects, and comes up with a song. Mike and Crow lead Tom into trying out some bashing of his own - with hilarious results; The Castle Crew, plus the Bots have Hockey Hair infections; Mike comes down with Grizzled Old Prospector Syndrome.
Finale : Tom and Crow start a cult; Pearl gets very close to ruling ‘Carl’, but the deal falls through.
Signature Riffs :
Reading the name of the Director…
<Crow> He comes from a long line of Greidanuses.
<Crow> Canadian rules football is much different.
<Mike> Oh, great, the score is skipping.
Seven years later…
<Tom> Seven years after the credits?
<Mike> I guess…
<Tom, as Troy> Well, if I’m going to be a ventriloquist’s dummy, I better learn how to live in this trunk.
Riffback! Mike spots a hooded cultist…
<Mike> Hey, El Santo!
<Crow, as Troy> So, ‘Rowsdower,’ is that a stupid name, or…
Riffback! A car catches a little air as it careens down a hill…
<Crow> Canadian… Mannix!
<Troy> Rowsdower - will you help me find what’s behind the map?
<Mike, as Zap> Oh ho no, I don’t go map-findin’-behindin’.
<Troy> Wow…
<Crow, as Troy> … these are REALLY cheap sets!
Singing with the score…
<Crow> You got mud on your face, you big disgrace, shovin’ those sandwiches into your face, singing…
<All> We will, We will, Rowsdower!
Next Time : 9.11 - Devil Fish