[QUOTE=Terrifel]
In the 1980s, it was plausible to suggest that in the future, New York City would have extensive subterranean colonies of fashionable guerrilla street performers. (They don’t yet, do they?)
[/QUOTE]
I kept wanting a little more info on the four dancers in shiny gold outfits complete with gold bowler hats. They were doing some kind of dance number in the background during Toblerone’s first scene. After that they only get to run around in panic along with all the other extras.
So when are we going to hear about Track of the Moon Beast? I’ve made my stew just for the event. It has corn, onions, peppers…
How about now? Does now work for you?
**MST3K 10.07 - Track of the Moon Beast **
Episode Thoughts: A really solid outing, definitely in the top half of Season Ten. It’s a very similar movie to Werewolf, really, but honestly, I think this one’s funnier for the episode.
Movie : See Werewolf. On second thought, don’t. Hapless geologist gets a fragment of moon rock embedded in his body that causes him to change into a strange lizard-man form. He has a vacuous photojournalist love interest, and a Native American professor for a sidekick - Johnny Longbone. Er, Bow. It all ends tragically and explosively.
Memorable Bits : Johnny Longbone. Johnny’s stew. Cheesy lizard man costume. The lead’s allergy to shirts. The Band that Played California Lady. Great ‘voice of God’ bits.
Intro: Onion Blossomer experiments; Bobo’s remote control.
Host Segments: Bots try an excessively lame prank on Mike, inspired by the movie; SOL’s Legends of Rock : The Band that Played California Lady; Crow and Tom try to spy on Mike’s pajamas.
Finale: Tom, playing with a bow and arrow, shoots a baby satellite. Aww.
Signature Riffs:
<Pearl> It stars nobody, and features nothing.
<Mike> Quite an elaborate setup just to peep on his neighbor.
<Crow> Icarus, pull out, Icarus!
<Crow> How Green Was My Credits.
<Tom> Okay, why did he bury his shirt?
<Crow> Ahh! We’ve stumbled onto an Eagles concert! It’s a nightmare!
<Mike> Her outfit started as a baby blanket, then she added a bra to it.
<Crow> That’s just a picture of the moon!
<Tom> Yeah, the moon backed out of the movie at the last minute.
<Mike> (as Lizardman) I’m ready to fight Captain Kirk!
(the hero enters a store whose sign proclaims ‘Coins and Guns’)
<Crow> (as hero) I need a Wheat Penny and a Glock.
<Mike> Brain has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down.
<Crow> He’s a cop. He’s a Rabbi. They’re cops. Except for the Rabbi.
Next:
MST3K 10.08 - Final Justice
Sometimes I gotta build a fire under you.
This film had two of the most vacuous “stars” ever seen in a MST episdode. I mean, they make the young lovers from Touch of Satan look witty and urbane.
Paul: “I’d like to introduce you to my little friend.”
Tom as Kathy: “Could you at least kiss me first?”
The segment on The Band That Play California Lady was hilarious. I love how they used all the tricks they could to reuse stretch out the bands few seconds of footage from the movie. A great spoof of rockumentaries.
And I loved the scientist riffs:
“What up, Bitch?”
“Your brain is the size of a chick-pea.”
This film struck me as something that the producers did for fun over the weekend instead of an actual business attempt.
I’ve got Final Justice viewed and annotated as well, I just couldn’t type it in last night before bedtime.
The one thing that stood out for me about **Track of the Moon Beast ** was the relentless string of inexplicably peculiar bit characters. Common sense would seem to indicate that your minor performances shouldn’t overshadow your lead actors; so it was an interesting choice to have a totally inert couple as the main romantic subplot, yet cast conspicuously odd people in all the walk-on roles.
There was the bearded, pinch-voiced paleontologist; the R. Crumb-resembling camera store clerk; the freakishly waxy drunken bowler and his harsh, slovenly wife; The Band That Played California Lady; the grinning undergrad kid who does birdcalls (Butt Healer?), the two physically identical brain doctors; corn; chicken; green peppers… sigh… onions…
Interestingly, the script was co-written by Bill Finger of DC Comics fame. Also, the Moon Beast was designed by Rick Baker and Joe Blasco, both of whom went on to become makeup artists of some note. So, despite all evidence to the contrary, there was some talent involved in the making of this film.
I’m a little surprised that, according to the IMDb, the guy who played Johnny Longbone (Gregorio Sala) apparently never did anything else. I thought he gave a pretty decent performance, all things considered. Of course the rest of the cast set the bar pretty low. In my ideal universe, Longbone and the Sheriff had a long-running TV series where they traveled throughout the American Southwest solving Native American folklore-themed mysteries.
I believe this movie was responsible for originating the popular college prank where people follow archaeologists into the desert and try to scare them by holding up tribal masks and screaming. I think we’ve all pulled that one at one time or another, to hilarious effect.
People did touch each other a lot more back in the '70s.
“I call it Antiseptic Manor.”
“Then I dressed a pencil as a cop…”
“Let me explain by augering my tongue into your mouth.”
I’ll force my skull right through my face/ and refuse to wash my stringy hair…
“I am going to beat the stuffing out of you.”
“Do you see now why I patronize you?”
“Some describe me as an ambulatory mound of suet…”
“We’ll let you in on your illness this time.”
(‘What happens now?’) “Mostly, you die.”
“J.C. Penney Hooker Wear!”
“Let me make up a quick legend…”
“What haven’t we seen in this movie yet? Oh right, a scrawny drunken bowler’s ass cheeks. Thank you!”
(‘I know what you’re thinking…’) “I’m boring and my slide show eats.”
“I’m a Doctor of Stew.”
“Soon I’ll be throwing up corn… green peppers… chicken… sigh Onions…”
Johnny Johnny Longbone; Johnny Johnny Longbone; It’s the Johnny Longbone, Johnny Longbone Theme!
(‘What happens now?’) “Mostly, you die.”
Yeah, I dig that one.
MST3K 10.08 - Final Justice
Episode Thoughts: This is one of the best of Season Ten, easily. It’s like Mitchell, but even meaner and funnier. The food jokes are fast and furious. (Reportedly, Joe Don was slow and furious after this episode aired…) The last host segment is absolutely classic.
Movie : Joe Don Baker IS… a Texas Deputy Sheriff who gets mixed up with a Mafia assassin, playing a deadly game of cat and fat guy. Joe Don’s partner is killed by the Mafia guy, and Joe Don shoots the Mafia guy’s brother, so this time, it’s personal. Joe Don is supposed to handle security for getting the guy back to Italy for prosecution - but a forced layover in Malta gives him time to escape.
Memorable Bits : The food jokes. The fat jokes. The Maltese policewoman who looks like Elaine from Seinfeld. Joe Don’s repeated awakenings in Maltese jail. “You think you can take me? Go ahead on. It’s your move.” Which is, like, three catchphrases melded into a kind of hybrid. Is that even legal?
Intro: Tom’s essay on ‘Owner of a Lonely Heart’.
Host Segments: Mike trips repeatedly to call attention to a reused shot in the movie; Goosio, beloved Maltese puppet, visits the SOL, and the Bots destroy him; Crow reports on Malta - and insults everything about it.
Finale: Mike thinks he’s due for an escape attempt, because he just survived a bad Joe Don Baker movie - what follows is a perfectly off-kilter parody of the final segment of Mitchell, ending in Mike’s failure. Also, in Castle Forrester, Brain Guy is dressed like a biker and says he has a ‘date’. Yow.
Signature Riffs:
(regarding Joe Don’s name in the credits)
<Crow> Ooh, I wish I was illiterate so I didn’t have to read that.
<Joe Don> Big fat nada.
<Mike> (as Joe Don) That’s me.
<Tom> Greydon Clark, the producer of Hobgoblins! We’re doomed!
<Crow> The sun is blotted out as Joe Don Baker approaches.
<Crow> Guests of Final Justice fly TWA.
<Mike> Cars provided by Matchbox.
<Tom> He has double-chins on his eyelids.
<Crow> Bobo! I didn’t know he was in this movie.
<Tom> The Ugly, the Ugly, and the Ugly.
<Mike> Meatloaf : Texas Ranger.
<Crow> The movie ‘Midway’ had fewer boats than this.
(after Mitchell’s boat explodes)
<Crow> Don’t worry, his heart will ‘Go ahead on.’
MST3k 10.09 - Hamlet
Episode Thoughts: It’s a little slow, but it’s nice to see Mike and the Bots riff something where the writing is pretty solid. This Shakespeare guy may have some potential. And, of course, the set-up for WHY they’re watching a bad German Hamlet is classic.
Movie : It’s a German television production of Hamlet. If you’re not familiar with the plot, I think you slipped between the cracks of the education system.
Memorable Bits : The mockery of the King’s Ghost, who is dressed effeminately (and flamboyantly!). A few meta-Shakespeare cracks. Mocking the soliloquies. (“It’s from Hamlet. He faxed me a soliloquy!”)
Intro: Tom changes his name to Htom Sirveaux. Mike swindles Pearl with three-card monty, and demands to see Hamlet as his prize - any version.
Host Segments: Tom and Crow try to player Mike’s father’s ghost - Mike’s dad is still alive. So are the other relatives they try; Tom and crow rehearse their modernized all-percussion version of Hamlet; The “Alas Poor Who?” gameshow, identifying celebrities by their bony remnants.
Finale: Talking Hamlet action figure. The pull-string is very long.
Signature Riffs:
<Mike> (as Horatio) So, how’s the play going?
<Crow> Moe, Larry, and Horatio.
<Tom> (singing to a slow dance tune) Night fever, Night fever…
<Crow> Censors were shocked by the blatant carnality in this film.
<Crow> gasp That’s from Hamlet, isn’t it?
<Tom> (as Hamlet) You can brood here, I’m done.
<Mike> (as Hamlet, smarmily) How about some spiral-cut Hamlet?
<Tom> He’s doing a Danish mindmeld.
<Ophelia> My Prince…
<Tom, as Ophelia>… are back from Photomat.
<Crow> I’ll take ‘To Be’ for 50, Alex.
<Hamlet> To sleep, perchance to dream…
<Tom> To SLEEEEEEEP!
<Mike> Whoa!
<Crow> That’s an old chestnut…
<Mike> Run DMC Everett Koop.
<Crow> (re: Ophelia) She’s trying to Section Eight her way out of the movie.
(a final credit notes we were watching Hamlet, Prince of Denmark)
Line of the show
<Mike> Hamlet will be back in… Thunderball.
Next:
10.10 - It Lives By Night (Well, IT shouldn’t drink so much coffee…)
My friend and I were watching the Hamlet episode and we were going crazy trying to figure out who was dubbing Claudius. Then we realized it was Ricardo Montalban! Then when they made the “Corinthian leather” joke, we fell over laughing.
The segment with the bots and their versions of Hamlet is not too far off from what people have done. There hass been some weird stuff done to that play by film student directors. I saw a version in which all female actors entered and exited through arched doors whereas male actors used squared-off doors. And god help you if the director has discovered the spectacle that is codpieces.
The death scene took forever.
Nice play, Shakespeare.
Actually, Hamlet is one of the most watched MST3K disks I have. It’s not my favorite episode, not by a long shot, but it’s kind of relaxing. It’s perfect for rainy afternoons.
Final Justice, much like Mitchell before it, makes the crucial error of trying to persuade the viewer that Joe Don Baker is a plausible action hero. Why this mistake was made even once is a mystery worthy of a master’s thesis in Art History (Cinema). I suspect that Vietnam was ultimately to blame. These movies actively conspire with Joe Don to create a “rogue officer” archetype so aggressively unappealing-- dim-witted, abrasive, violent, gluttonous-- as to be virtually unwatchable. He’s not so much an “anti-hero” as an “anti-protagonist.”
In fairness, Mr. Baker is a perfectly acceptable character actor when not asked to step outside his comfort zone of portraying large, meaty rednecks. I understand that his early starring role in Walking Tall was fairly well recieved; but that character was a thuggish hick named Buford, supposedly based on the true story of an actual thuggish hick named Buford. When asked to perform activities more suited to the traditional action hero, such as solving crimes or engaging in chase scenes, Joe Don’s shortcomings rapidly become apparent.
Final Justice tries to have it both ways, casting him in a film that was clearly intended as a lighthearted fish-out-of-water premise-- huge cartoonish Texas lawman in small inexpensive-to-film-in foreign locale. The problem is that the movie asks us to accept Joe Don as a gunslinging, stupid hat-wearing movie Texan, when he’s probably a much more accurate depiction of a real Texan (the sort featured in ‘weird news’ articles that include phrases like “third-degree burns” or “death by misadventure”).
Thankfully, the movie doesn’t even bother to depict the woman cop being romantically won over by Joe Don’s character-- the viewer is simply asked to accept the cliche: “Okay, she’s so enthralled by his wild Yankee demeanor that she willingly sacrifices her career for him. Do you really want us to show you any of this? Of course not. Let’s move on.”
The end credits music sequence was a brilliant bit of subversion. Why do these movies keep trying to give Joe Don Baker a theme song?!
–Meatballs fried in lard!!!
“Joe Don Baker is carried to the set of Final Justice.”
Greydon Clark also wrote and produced Angels’ Revenge (episode 622).
Since **Final Justice ** was a season 10 offering, I wonder if the MST3K crew gave any thought to the possibility of using it as the final episode? It does have the word “Final” in the title, after all, and it would have been an interesting bit of symmetry to have the show close on another bad Joe Don Baker movie. On the other hand, then they wouldn’t have been able to use the poignant exchange:
“Well… how about if we see a really good Joe Don Baker movie?”
“Well, I think I can guarantee you that’s never gonna happen, Mike.”
Hamlet was an interesting change of pace. I didn’t think it was even a particularly bad production as such things go. At least, I’ve seen much stranger TV adaptations of Shakespeare (I recall one PBS production of The Tempest that starred Ron Pallilo from Welcome Back, Kotter). To be scrupulously honest, I’ve even participated in stranger adaptations of Shakespeare-- I think our American Civil War Reconstruction-era version of Twelfth Night would compare well with the all-scuba version of Hamlet.
One other thing I noticed about MST3K’s treatment of Final Justice was how they gave the movie a total pass on its casting choice of Joe Don Baker to portray an Apache Indian named Geronimo. I think it was probably a wise decision to eschew comment on that matter. For all I know, Joe Don Baker really does have some Native American ancestry; although if so, it’s pretty well hidden under the layers of dough. Still, it was a fairly conspicuous omission, similar to the lack of commentary on the blatantly stolen Battlestar Galactica * footage in* Space Mutiny**.
[QUOTE=Terrifel]
Still, it was a fairly conspicuous omission, similar to the lack of commentary on the blatantly stolen Battlestar Galactica * footage in* Space Mutiny**.
[/QUOTE]
I still remember the first time I saw the Space Mutiny experiment. The space battle at the beginning starts and I sit there watching and thinking to myself, “Isn’t that…a Viper? Is this stock footage from BG?!”
I was also incredulous that they didn’t even MENTION it…
Yes, I forgot to mention Hamlet is available in Vol 4.
MST3K 10.10 - It Lives By Night
Episode Thoughts: Probably one of the weaker entries of the latter half of Season Ten, but I think they kind of backloaded the season with good episodes towards the end, so it’s still pretty funny and an average MST episode is still better than most anything on TV.
Movie : Stop me if you’ve heard of this one - a guy gets exposed to some unusual x-factor and transforms into a half-animal, half-man. I know, I know. Shades of Track of the Moon Beast and Werewolf. In this case, though, unappealing and bland bat-ologist Dr. Beck is bitten by a bat and begins to suffer from nocturnal transformations. His wife is concerned, worried, fretful, and anxious in turns, and finally comes to accept his new state. Rounding out the cast is an annoying sheriff.
Memorable Bits : Beck jokes. Guano jokes. Mary Tyler Moore jokes. Doctor Ski-Bum. A literal ambulance chase. And of course, the monster makeup that resembles an ape more than a bat.
Intro: Painting day on the SOL, Mike and the Bots discuss the correlation of colors and moods; Pearl sprays them with mutagens, but is forced to administer the antidote when they whine.
Host Segments: Crow is insulted that Mike and Tom don’t think he looks more like Mary Tyler Moore than the girl in the movie; Tom and Crow administer rabies treatment to Mike, who fell asleep in the middle of eating an iced pastry; Mike tries a mustache again, and clearly intrigues Pearl before being upstaged by Crow with a larger mustache.
Finale: Tom invests in the Buddy Ebsen Hat Distressing Kit; Crow has better luck with Red Skelton’s competing product. In Castle Forrester, Pearl shows slides from her various honeymoons.
Signature Riffs:
<Mike> I hate these new aluminum bats, by the way.
<Crow> (as Bat) A human! He’ll entangle my feet with his hair!
<Crow> (reading the credits ‘A Lou Shaw film’) In fact, THE Lou Shaw film.
<Mike> Mary Tyler Less.
<Crow> Mutual of Omaha’s Mild Kingdom.
<Tom> He’s becoming honey-baked!
<Mike> (as Sheriff) I’m Sheriff Character-Actor.
<Crow> (as Dr. Beck) I guess, by definition, I’m in the Batmobile now.
<Tom> Hunter Thompson, Texas Ranger.
**MST3K 10.11 - Horrors of Spider Island **
Episode Thoughts: Another solid outing in the latter half of Season 10. The host segments particularly amuse (and terrify). Available on Volume 11 - the latest episode available on DVD.
Movie : Stop me if you’ve heard of this one - a guy gets exposed to some unusual x-factor and transforms into a half-animal, half-man. I mean, I think they’re on a roll with this stuff. In this case, the guy is a sleazy dance show producer, and the x-factor is a radioactive spider-bite. In this case, though, the original version of this film was a showcase for nude German models, so this expurgated version still retains a healthy dose of sleaze as Spider-Guy hunts down his own dance troupe on the island where they washed up.
Memorable Bits : Jeebus, the plane crash - engines burst into flames, and they take a header right into the Pacific - and nearly everyone survives. Leg crossing in the dance auditions. Murmuring and cooing girls. Sleaze. Catfights. Servo nearly fainting from the flesh on display. Gary? Gary!
Intro: Crow’s syndicated column is really mundane. Pearl’s moved the castle to save on Bobo’s license fees. Bonus Quote : When asked why he couldn’t just move the castle with his mind, Brain Guy retorts with this gem : “I’m not THAT omnipotent, Pearl.”
Host Segments: Mike is trapped in a giant web that Tom and Crow have built to catch food; Mike does the leg-crossing bit and has Pearl and Bobo and Brain Guy audition as dancers for him - Brain Guy’s must be seen to be believed; Mike and the Bots wonder if a plane crash always make females languid, helpless and sex-starved, so they test the theory.
Finale: Mike as a man-spider. Pearl moves the Castle back.
Signature Riffs:
<Crow> (reads ‘Barbara Valentine’) It’s an anagram for ‘a Bra-Bra Navel Nite.’
<Tom> Ah, Temple Foster, where they worship Australian beer.
<Crow> It’s a dames and broads audition.
<Mike> (as Gary) I’m Bob Boxbody.
<Mike> Babs played fullback for the Lions…
<Gary> There you are, Georgia.
<Tom> (as Gary) Just north of Florida.
<Gary> C’mon! C’mon! C’mon!
<All> (as Gary) C’MON!
<Mike> Charlotte’s killing spree.
<Tom> He was caught in the middle of a cheerleading move.
…
<Crow> Mrxl.
<Crow> Her accent changed three times in one sentence.
(Riffback!)
<Crow> He has Torgo-area.
<Mike> The Many Loves of Michael Landon.
<Crow> Soundtrack by Schroeder.
<Tom> So, is he strong?
<Crow> (Angrily) Hey, listen, bub! He’s got radioactive blood!
MST3K 10.12 - Squirm
Episode Thoughts: Not as painful for me as Boggy Creek II. It makes fine fodder for Mike and the Bots, and completes our Southern troika for Season Ten. The penultimate episode of MST. Features the series’ final short.
Movie : Stop me if you’ve heard of this one - a guy gets exposed to some unusual x-factor and transforms into a half-animal, half-man. Okay, not really - Worm farmer’s son Roger does snap and go homicidal after being disfigured by the worms, but there’s no indication of his transformation into a partly worm creature. Our hero is an antique-collecting little nerdling that is romancing the aggressively southern bell for whom Roger also has the hots. A storm knocked down some power lines in the area, and electricity apparently turns worms into angry millipedes and centipedes that can strip a man’s flesh like piranhas. I don’t know, I’m not a worm-ologist.
Short: A Case of Spring Fever - a fun short that posits a sprite who cruelly punishes people who express frustration with springs. According to MST sources, they’d bandied the idea of using this one for the show for a long time - and it even was the inspiration for Crow’s waffle-sprite bit in Viking Women vs. the Sea Serpent.
Memorable Bits : The massive worm scenes. The incredibly creepy Roger. Skinny love-interest girl Geri. The over-the-top southernness of the accents on display. The sleazy, redneck sheriff who hates cityfolk. The pale, mincing hero. “Nooo springs!” “Mr. Beardsley? Mr. Beardsley?”
Intro: Annual SOL safety check. The Castle Forrester Fair.
Host Segments: What if every object in the universe has a sprite like Coily? Sure enough, the Bots wish Mike away and are annoyed by Mikey, the sprite; Servo contracts a severe case of Southern Belle-ness; Mike tries electricity experiments to make killer worms, and ends up making a tasty fried snack.
Finale: Crow dresses up as the sister in the movie with the tall shows and predictably falls down; Pearl makes Brain Guy try the Fair’s new Bungee ride.
Signature Riffs:
<Coily> Okay, Mister, I’ll fix it so you get that wish…
<Crow, as Coily> In hell!
<Tom> So, Coily waited all eternity for this moment, and he backs down instantly?
<Tom> (as Coily) You’ll be the first to die!
<Crow> Jam Handy reminds you to keep your preserves in a convenient place.
<Mike> Oh, this was the night the lights went out in Georgia.
(reading the Title)
<Mike> Well, I don’t know why, but okay. Wiggles
<Crow> The monster called Gamera is destroying the city.
<Mike> They’re WAY over-southerning.
<Tom> C’mon, no one’s THAT Southern.
<Crow> (as Sheriff) My hair challenges yours to a fight.
Next, and Last : 10.13 - Diabolik!
[QUOTE=jayjay]
I still remember the first time I saw the Space Mutiny experiment. The space battle at the beginning starts and I sit there watching and thinking to myself, “Isn’t that…a Viper? Is this stock footage from BG?!”
I was also incredulous that they didn’t even MENTION it…
[/QUOTE]
My wild, uninformed guess is that the Best Brains people weren’t 100% certain that they couldn’t be sued for knowingly rebroadcasting that footage. By not acknowledging that they recognized the source of the footage, they were probably trying to avoid any potential legal complications in case Glen Larson’s lawyers ever showed up at the door. “What? We had no idea those weren’t original effects sequences! None of us have ever heard of this show… Battlestar Galactica, did you call it? We are shocked, SHOCKED to learn about this violation of copyrighted imagery.”
I think they probably avoided comment on Joe Don Baker’s ethnicity for much the same reason. Not for legal reasons, obviously; but because the writers weren’t absolutely sure whether the guy has Indian ancestry. By contrast, back in The Castle of Fu Manchu, they felt justified in mocking famous examples of Caucasian actors playing non-Caucasian characters. But who knows what Joe Don Baker’s deal is? If MST3K spent the whole episode hammering him on his lack of Indian ancestry, and then it turned out that the guy really is 1/8 Apache, it wouldn’t be as funny. So in the end they just decided to ignore the whole issue.
[QUOTE=Terrifel]
I think they probably avoided comment on Joe Don Baker’s ethnicity for much the same reason. Not for legal reasons, obviously; but because the writers weren’t absolutely sure whether the guy has Indian ancestry. By contrast, back in The Castle of Fu Manchu, they felt justified in mocking famous examples of Caucasian actors playing non-Caucasian characters. But who knows what Joe Don Baker’s deal is? If MST3K spent the whole episode hammering him on his lack of Indian ancestry, and then it turned out that the guy really is 1/8 Apache, it wouldn’t be as funny. So in the end they just decided to ignore the whole issue.
[/QUOTE]
They felt really bad about all the drunk jokes they made about Corey Wendall in Agent From H.A.R.M. after they learned that he’d drunk himself to death.
Squirm just could not have been made by southerners. It must have been made by people whose idea of the south was from watching Gone With The Wind and Song of the South. Having a Peter Scolari look-alike play the carpet-bagger hero clinched it. Oh look, here’s a New York intellectual down in the south and he and his girlfriend are the only ones who can save the day. But it was still fun to hear, “You gon’ be da worm-face!”
The plane crash in Horror of Spider Island reminded me of the suicide mission at the end of 12 To The Moon. Just a close up of two faces screaming against a black background cut into separate footage of a crash. Apart from that, it seems like the film was simply an especially unsubltle bikini flick.
I can’t believe we’re almost done!
I know. After so many years (yes, years) on this project, it’s hard to believe it’s coming to an end. But what can I say about this show except:
[Japanese child with a New Jersey accent]: I like it very much.
And CandidGamera is indeed a friend to Msties.
This thread needs a stinger at the end. What would be good for that?
MST3K 10.13 - Star Wars
Episode Thoughts: Ah, a return to form - I was hoping the series would go out with some appropriately schlocky SF film - and what era is better for that than the 1970’s? Definitely a high point.
Movie : Sort of like Kurosawa’s Hidden Fortress, with a bunch of added mystic mumbo-jumbo. I don’t know how they got Alec Guiness to headline this piece of drek. The prototypical hero farmboy finds his special mystic destiny with an old wise man and a roguish pilot. They get to rescue a princess (score!) and strike a blow for independence against the cruel, oppressive government.
Memorable Bits : The slowest, least impressive swordfight ever. The whiny hero. The effeminate gold robot. The parsec as a unit of time. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.” Yeah, no kidding.
Intro: Mike and the Bots riff on heroic archetypes as presented by Joseph Campbell. Pearl and Brain Guy rig up a massive energy weapon in Castle Forrester.
Host Segments: Crow wants to go to Toshii station to pick up some power converters, and won’t stop whining about it even when Mike instantly agrees; Bobo disappoints Pearl and manages to nearly choke himself to death on a peanut; Mike tries to fight a practice drone blindfolded - it ends as poorly as one would expect for Crow and Tom.
Finale: The SOL makes the attack run on Castle Forrester, blowing it up and going home.
Signature Riffs:
(reading the title)
<Mike> It started out as Star ‘Police Actions’…
<Crow> As an actor, Harrison Ford makes a pretty good carpenter.
<Tom> I heard the original title of this was WYZ-1106.
<Vader> The power of this battlestation is insignificant compared to the power of the Force.
<Mike> (as Vader) … or CNN.
<Crow> You know, those stormtroopers probably were just concerned that these two let their adoptive son run off with a creepy old desert hermit.
<Luke> I’ve got a bad feeling about this.
<Tom> And yet, we’re the ones stuck watching this movie.
<Mike> So, Crow, how many forms of communication are you fluent in?
<Crow> Uhh, let’s see. ‘Lick’, and ‘Me’. Two, Mike.
<Tom> I don’t want to know what ‘bullseyeing Womprats’ is a euphemism for.
<Mike> Sandy Duncan IS Luke Skywalker.
Next:
April Fool’s.
Ha!