I attended a Mennonite wedding a few years ago and witnessed what some described as an old tradition.
A group of younger, as yet unattatched young men charged the groom and made off with him at a dead run. A representative brought back one of the grooms boots and demanded ransom for his return. Persistant too, as he wouldn’t leave until the boot was clear full!
Slight hijack, but I need to get a Doper Reading on the matter:
A woman I use to work with was telling us their Yugoslavian tradition at their weddings.
At the tail end of the party, the money box with the checks in it is counted up and written down. *Then it is announced * to everyone who gave what and *how much *.
She said it was a contest to see who would give the most.
I was so floored at hearing this, I was speechless. So were my other co-workers.
What say all of you?
Now, this, I like.
It’s definitely a regional thing. In North Carolina, a money dance would be considered very tacky. Of course, wearing black to the wedding is also considered tacky down here.
But if money dances are common in your region, or if they’re a tradition in your family, then it wouldn’t be necessarily be tacky. If it’s just something your cousin cooked up to net extra cash, then, yeah, that’s not too classy.
I say :eek:
This reminds me of the Mennonite weddings I went to in my late teens/early twenties - they would pass the bride’s shoe around for everyone to stick money in. Could be an adaptation of this sort of tradition, I guess. I was looking forward to that at my wedding - I have size 10 feet. 
My cousin married into an Eastern European family - they were surprised we brought gifts instead of money. So, cultural. What’s tacky in one culture is the height of good manners in another.
The first money dance I ever saw was at my very own personal wedding reception. My husband and I actually married in the city hall and neither of our parents attended (we were stationed in Sicily at the time and it was a pretty hurry-up, casual deal.) Kevin was the first of his 7 siblings to marry and, when we went home the following year, his mother threw an old-fashioned, Wisconsin-style reception for us. Our first dance was a polka, for crying out loud. And I’m from California – I do not know how to polka! Anyhow, shortly after my poor husband finished steering me around the floor for our first dance, people started lining up in two lines, male and female, clapping and stamping their feet and chanting “Dollar dance! Dollar dance!” I turned to my husband to say, “What kind of dance?” but he’d already been whisked away by his eldest aunt. I was astounded when his eldest uncle stepped up, pinned a dollar to my dress and started polka-ing me around the floor! I am a bit of an etiquette-purist, so you can imagine my dismay… However, what could I do? When in Wisconsin, do as the Cheeseheads do. Kevin has been to far more weddings than I have and, without exeption, weddings in his hometown area have had the dollar dance. Their version of the tradition, BTW, is the “Dance with the bride and groom for a dollar” version, not the “Stuff the money in a cup” version. And it really is dollars – although an elder uncle or grandfather might occasionally give a $5 or a $10. And the single, male cousins will often give their wedding gift ($10 or $20) at the dance instead of in a card. We made about $150 or a little less at ours.
That said, here’s my take on all this: A money dance isn’t tacky if there’s been one at every wedding you’ve ever been to and every wedding your guests have ever been to. That’s the situation in my husband’s part of Wisconsin. It’s actually pretty hard to avoid. Kevin’s youngest cousin decided to have a “proper” wedding for her 4th wedding – by “proper” she meant “following the scrupulous advice of the wedding industry.” She found plenty of evidence that the dollar dance is “tacky” (but none, apparently, telling her that a huge white wedding, complete with train, veil and 6 bridesmaids is not exactly traditional for a 4th wedding :rolleyes: ) She had a catered, hotel reception that she attempted to call “black tie,” despite the fact that it was taking place at 3:30 in the afternoon and was quite irritated that none of the guests (most of whom did not own a tie, let alone a tuxedo) seemed to know what that “Black tie” at the bottom of the invitation meant. Anyway, the dollar dance didn’t fit in with her plans, so she scrapped it. Unfortunately, her uncles didn’t get the memo – they thought that the fancy hotel DJ just forgot the dollar dance (she should have gotten a polka band – they know how to do a wedding, you know). So the uncles organized an impromtu dollar dance of their own, lining up and stomping and chanting, “Dollar dance, dollar dance”…
It would, however, be tacky to have a money dance if it wasn’t a very firm part of your family or regional tradition. If it’s being done because the bride, groom or wedding coordinator saw it somewhere and thought it a good way to “make some money at the reception,” then it’s tacky. Tacky, TACKY! IMO.
I think I’ve posted this here before, but my husband’s cousin did something at her wedding I thought was darling.
We (meaning Pittsburgh Italians) always do the thing where people pay a dollar to dance with the bride, groom, or both for a moment. Instead of pinning, the father-in-law or a groomsman collects it in a bag. I think it’s cute because the bride and groom are under such seige at a wedding. There a crowd bothering them at all times, so this gives them at least 60 seconds for an uninterrupted conversation with each guest who participates.
Our cousin had slips of paper at each seat instructing the guests to fill it out with congradulations or advice for the newlyweds, and then use that to pay for the “money” dance. Of course, like half the old people insisted on putting in money too.
For example, per all the etiquette books, it is tacky to bring the gift to the wedding! One is supposed to have it sent to the bride’s house. I didn’t know that until I was about 28. And hell, I’ll still bring the gift (or the card with money in it) to the reception because that’s what most people I know do!
Jess has it exactly right. It’s all about the expectations where you are. In North Carolina, for example, a money dance would be considered vulgar. Of course, wearing black to a wedding is also considered tacky here. Obviously, this isn’t the case in other parts of the country. And if the moeny dance is just something your cousin decided on to net extra cash, then, yeah, that’s tacky.
I agree with Jess also - here’s why, from personal experience:
Last fall my boyfriend was the best man for his friend who was in the Air Force; the girl he was marrying was from Indiana. We and maybe 50 people who loved the guy enough to drive nine hours for his wedding represented his side of the family, and the other hundreds of people were there for the bride. Not exactly a “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” difference, but the vibes were there.
So the bride’s side coordinated a money dance…the version where you pay a dollar to dance with the bride or groom. My boyfriend was kind enough to do so, but I believe he was the only one from Tennessee who did. And the thing lasted forever…a good 45 minutes, even though they barely danced with each person. I personally thought it was ridiculous, especially since I had never seen or heard of one before.
If it’s not a tradition in your family or area (so that your guests are familiar with the idea), you might want to speak up. You don’t have to outright say it’s tacky, just that it’s…unfamiliar to the guests, and therefore possibly inappropriate.
Personally, I send my gift (wedding card and check) to the couple after the reception, and normally after they have returned from the honeymoon. I know of too many people who have been ripped off at their receptions or while on their honeymoon.
I’m half Polish, and I’ve never witnessed a money dance in my life at any of our family wedding receptions. (One side of the family is from New England, other side of the wedding is from Philadelphia).
What’s tacky? The tackiest thing I witnessed was at the last (and will be THE last) wedding in which I was an attendant (or “stood up”). The bride called me on the day she returned from her honeymoon and asked me where my gift to her was. She then called me each week without fail to see where it was. This was after shelling out $3,000.00 to be in her “classy” wedding, after multple trips back to the East coast, shower gifts, dress, alterations, etc.
She is now an ex-friend.
Count me in the chorus saying that if it’s a family/cultural tradition and the bride and groom want to do it, go for it.
I was taken aback the first time I saw a money dance, but this particular wedding was also unlike any I had ever previously seen. I later learned that with this crowd, purchased gifts or cash/check/money order-filled envelopes are unheard of because invited wedding guests are expected to “sponsor” part of the action. Theoretically, the couple gets no gifts in exchange for a “cost free” wedding. In the long run it’s no cheaper but it is more affordable, sort of like an installment plan. Those invited to many weddings who never get married under this plan pay the heaviest price.
My wife and I “sponsored” the cost of the limousine and the gift my mother brought to this wedding was the only one the couple received. As it turns out, none of the couple’s parents were in a position to contribute financially to the wedding and the “money dance,” a tradition in this culture, was the only way for the couple to defray a portion of the “unsponsored/uncollected” expenses associated with the reception.
Incredibly tacky.
Flat out tasteless
Ick.
Yuck.
I have the Miss Manners cite at home - will look it up once I get there.
Tacky? Well, slightly less tacky than having the bride turn tricks for the cash, I’d guess. But that’d be more honest.
I’m not one who goes around saying, “Oh my god, they have jonquils instead of baby roses!!!”
But I still don’t like the money dance, and any attempt to start one at my wedding will be told, no, we’re not doing that.
That’s all. I just think that if people want to dance with me, or see me, they don’t have to give me money.
shrugs
I keep glancing at this thread title and reading “wedding MONKEY dance”, and since it’s a constant distraction, I figured I’d add my two cents.
In addition to whether or not the wedding guests are familiar with this practice, one should consider how the dance itself will be handled. I say that it’s in NO WAY acceptable to bully, or even “gently encourage” people to participate. I’ve heard about too many money dances where some poor sap had to shell out $20 to dance with the bride for 7 seconds, because he didn’t have any smaller bills and therefore tried to blend in with the tablecloth and politely pass on the activity, but was loudly ridiculed and made to feel “cheap” for not participating, and/or asking for change so that he wouldn’t have to pony up $20 of his hard-earned cash.
If it were my wedding, I wouldn’t allow it, period–and I am broke as a joke. I just think that if you’re going to invite guests, make them feel like guests, like people whom you invited because they’re important to you and because you wanted them to share your special day, NOT like people you invited in the interest of sapping them dry. The day should, essentially, be YOUR treat (which means no cash bar, either), IMO.
But a wedding monkey dance? Whole different story. 
If you’re so low on money that you have to hit up your guests to help with expenses, you should cut back on the wedding itself. INCREDIBLY tacky. UNBELIEVABLY tacky. Even if it’s a local or cultural thing-to-do, it’s tacky as all hell.
Plan your wedding WITHIN your expenses, people, please!
Your attitude is both arrogant and rude, whiterabbit. Don’t like the custom? Don’t participate. But don’t tell us it’s wrong because it doesn’t fit in with your wedding customs.