Since we had the Kang and Kodos thread, I figured a good follow-up would be the gems found in that kettle of Alzheimer’s stew known as Grampa Simpson.
Upon being asked why he thought he was recieving money for nothing, Grampa Simpson replies, “I just figured the democrats were back in office.”
Grampa writes an angry letter: Dear Mr. President. There are too many states nowadays.
Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot!
And the classic Grampa rant, the time he got hired by Mr. Burns to be a jackboot, and Burns asked him how he was going to control the crowd of protesters:
“We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don’t go anywhere. Like that time I took the ferry over to Shelbyville; I needed a new heel for my shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickle, and in those days, nickles had pictures of bumblebees on them. “Give me five bees for a quarter,” you’d say. Now where were we? Oh yeah, the important thing was that had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have any white onions, because of the war; the only thing you can get was those big yellow ones.”
Oh, I remember this story! The year is nineteen-aught-six, the president is the divine Miss Sandra Bernhart, and all over the country, people are doing a dance called the Funky Grampa! “Oh, I’m the…” zzzzzzz…
Lisa: Didn’t you wonder why you were getting checks for doing nothing?
Grampa: I figured because the Democrats were in power again.
Drifter: Got any spare change man?
Grampa: Yes! And you ain’t gettin’ it. Everybody wants something for nothing.
[wants into Social Security Building]
I’m old, gimme gimme gimme!