My favourite quote is the one about how he hates the metric system. I can’t remember it exactly so I won’t butcher it, hopefully someone else will be along to post it in it’s entirety.
While fleeing a suspected FBI agent: “Call me mint jelly, 'cause I’m on the lam!”
“… and then there’s the time I invented the terlet.”
“‘Terlet’?? HAH!”
“Stop your snickerin’! I spent three years on that terlet!!”
The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets forty rods to the hogshead and that’s the way I likes it.
And it’ll happen to you!
Wisdom indeed.
This elevator only goes to the basement . . . and someone made an awful mess down there.
“This elevator only goes to the basement, and someone made an awful mess down there…”
This elevator only goes to the basement . . . and someone made an awful mess down there.
Bart: Hey, Grampa, we need to know your first name.
Grampa: You’re making my tombstone !?!
http://www.snpp.com/episodes/2F03.html
Abe: If you ever travel back in time, don’t step on anything because even the tiniest change can alter the future in ways you can’t imagine.
(Homer has changed his name to Max Power)
**Abe:**The family name is my legacy to you. I got it from my father, and he got it from his father, and he traded a mule for it! And that mule went on to save Spring Break!
Dogs wag their tails for hours after they die.
Dogs wag their tails for hours after they die.
Abe: Quick! We have to kill the boy!
Marge: How do you know he’s a vampire?
Abe: He’s a vampire? Aah!
Bart: Look at that hunk of junk.
Grampa: Oh, jeeh – you’re ignorant! That’s the Wright Brothers’ plane. At Kitty Hawk in 1903, Charles Lindbergh flew it fifteen miles on a thimbleful of corn oil. Singlehandedly won us the Civil
War, it did.
Bart: So how do you know so much about American history?
Grampa: I pieced it together, mostly from sugar packets.
“Coma!? Pfffft. Why, I go in and out of comas all the…zzzzzzzzzzz…French toast, please.”
“If grandpa says the dog is dead, it must be alive.”
“I’ll be all right as long as I can remember my Army training!”
:::day fades to night:::
“Dang!”
Abe’s Father: [holding up an America pamphlet] See that, son? That’s where we’re going to live. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day.
Abe: Later that day, we set sail for America.
(Standing in front of the Springfield Retirement Castle after making a bid for freedom):
…I’m cold and there are wolves after me…!