BART: You could always get back together with Grandpa
EVERONE LAUGHS
ABE: ha ha ha ha ha ha… ohhhh my life’s a joke.
Abe: Welcome home, son. I broke two lamps and lost all your mail. What’s wrong with your wife?
Homer: Never mind, you wouldn’t understand.
Abe: Flu?
Homer: No.
Abe: Protein deficiency?
Homer: No.
Abe: Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis?
Homer: No.
Abe: Unsatisfying sex life?
Homer: N – yes. But please, don’t you say that word!
Abe: What, seeex? What’s so unappealing about hearing your elderly father talk about sex? I had seeeeex.
The lamp’s running away!
Vegas Wives episode:
“Wanna give Honest Abe another turn in the oval office?”
“NO!”
“Thank God! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz…”
“Homer, you’re dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it.”
MAAAAATTTTTTTLLLLLLLOOOOOOCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!
M. Burns: Simpson! Can’t you maintain your dignity for 5 seconds??
Grampa: [pants fall down] How long was that?
“All right, I admit it: I am the Lindbergh baby. Waah! Waah! Goo goo. I miss my fly-fly dada.”
“Are you trying to stall us, or are you just senile?”
“A little from column A, a little from column B.”
Abe: All right, I admit it: I am the Lindbergh baby. Waah! Waah! Goo goo. I miss my fly-fly dada.
Friday: Are you trying to stall us, or are you just senile?
Abe: A little from column A, a little from column B.
Grampa: All right! I admit it! I’m the Lindbergh baby! Goo goo ga ga! I miss my fly-fly da-da!
Police Officer: Are you covering for these people, or just senile?
Grampa: A little from column A, a little from column B!
Whoa. That was odd…
That’s an understatement!
Now that was unnatural. I’ve never seen a triple simulpost before…
“Three posts, identical, laid neatly in a row, evidence of a…conspiracy!”
There’s another triple simul-post further up in the thread (even though two of the posts came from the same person).
Yikes!
“There’s a doin’s a-transpirin’!”
(I know, not Grampa, but in the same spirit…)
“Hehehehe…we are so old”
Abe: [triumphant] Well, well, well! Before I was just too old, and no one wanted my help. Suddenly, look who comes to old Grampa – wait! Where are you going? [meek] Come back, I’ll tell you.
Lisa: Grampa, how’d you get your underwear off without taking your pants off?
Grampa: I don’t know.
“Back then, I was known as Sgt. Simpson, and I commanded the Flying Hellfish, the fightingest squad in the fightingest company in the third-fightingest battalion in the army.”
Homer: If you don’t start making sense we’ll put you in a home
Grampa: You already put me in a home
Homer: Then we’ll put you in that crooked home we saw on 60 minutes
Grampa: I’ll be good
(anyone recognize the context of this one?)
Oh, bitch bitch bitch