The Worst Sex You Have Ever Had

We had a thread devoted to the best sexual experiences of our lives, but I don’t think we have done one yet about the worst, so here it is. Everyone go ahead and tell their story, I will relate mine after the the horror of it wears off a little.

Where was this best of thread???

I’ve never had bad sex, just some drunk nights that were average at best. I think bad sex is a girl thing. I guess I could include a couple of experiences with virgins who got scared and stopped in the middle and left me hanging, but thats no ones fault.

When I was in college I had sex with a gal who was trying to decide if she was bisexual or lesbian. Definitely lesbian.

Bad sex??? Is there such a thing?

Oh yes, there is such a thing as bad sex! (Keep in mind this comment is coming from a person who hadn’t seen any action in about 5 months!) Unless they have re-written the rules since the last time I had sex, then my last experience was certainly in the “bad” category.

…there was this one time when my right hand cramped up at an inopportune time…

Contestant #3

Damn it Michelle, were you making up the “best sex” thread? And, a little tip: Unless you open up first your chances of getting much in the way of stories in reply is slim.

Bad sex? But you won’t share first? Hmmm… well, let’s see. How many have done the “consolation fuck”? You know, you’re dumping them but wanna give them at least something to remember you by and it goes horribly wrong?

Or how about the time I was involved with a man who thought, and had been told, that he was great in bed but couldn’t even come close to my mighty-intruder-vibrator? I mean, God in short-shorts, the man didn’t even know how to kiss let alone touch a breast! Christ, I had to show him where the fun spot on my body was! He had no idea what a clitoris was let alone how sensitive it could be!

Bad sex, oh yeah, I’ll bet in the end you’ll get more stories from women than men because men consider it good if they can at least get their rocks off. Most of the time, women don’t but men never know the difference!

Let the fun flames begin!

Um hey Byz, do we know each other? :wink:

Don’t let the loveless ones sell you a world wrapped in grey.

I had sex with an old boyfriend once… we’d never actually had sex during our relationship, but we always meant to. We’ve stayed friends since then (this has been like… 11 years?) and several times one or the other of us would spend the night at the other’s house. Well one time we actually kinda decided to have sex… and man was it BAD.

He was a very passionate kisser, and very good at snuggling, but when it came to penetration…um… it was like he went into hyperbunny mode and just tried to do thrust-thrust-thrust-etc as fast as his body could possibly go. I felt like my whole body was a pager set on vibrate. It was jarring and strange and it didn’t feel good or anything. Man, what a letdown. :frowning:

And the one time (one time only) that I ever had sex with someone who had NO RHYTHM AT ALL was pretty strange. He was way too big to begin with, so it was kinda painful… but then there was also no way of anticipating what he was gonna do… it was like thrust…thrust-thrust…thrust…thrust… it was just WEIRD and not satisfying at all. :frowning: I think he relied on his dashing good rock-star-like looks rather than on his actual performance.

“Cluemobile? You’ve got a pickup…”
OpalCat’s site:
The Teeming Millions Homepage:

What are us damn good-looking, well hung guys to do? We can’t catch a break from you women, sheesh. :smiley:

BurnMeUp– Good God in the side car, you’re not one of my “consolation” fucks are you? I mean, there have been several. How about we just agree that you were one of those guys that “talked a better talk than he could walk”? Oh, wait, that’s not very nice… how about you were that guy, that one time, about 3 am that fucked me until I just couldn’t even walk straight?

I’ll share michelle, because you asked.

Shitboy and I broke up, I seduced ‘B’ (my best friends uncle) and me and ‘B’ had really good sex, he is very intense, and incredibly skilled with his hands - he still has the oral hang up, but I am working on that;O. Anyway, mom gets sick, shitboy says he wants me back,wants us to get married the whole bit…and I give up ‘B’ to give it a shot with shitboy. (I know it was stupid, but we have 7 years of history, and I wanted to be settled so my mom wouldnt worry, and he is my kids father too)

Anyhoo…shitboy and I used to have wicked good sex, but no more. He felt wrong. He thrusted to hard, or not hard enough,he was longer than ‘B’, and it hurt(even though it had never been a problem before) he did all the things that used to make me scream…I just found them irritating. He went down…nothing! I was horrified. I finally faked an orgasm so he would just cum and get the hell off me.

That was the worst sex I ever had.

Not only did I get nothing out of it physically, I felt strangely dirty, and I felt like I had betrayed ‘B’ (even though he fully supported my decision to give my ex a chance.)

Now its YOUR turn Michelle.

Shitboy? Oh god, I love it! I think I’ve dated him…

Husband: Did I hurt you dear?

Wife: No. Why?

Husband: Oh. I thought you moved.

But seriously folks, I actually dated a girl who would not move during sex. Even when I she was on top and I would grasp her hips and move them around, she would stop when I let go. She was intelegent, pretty, and had a great body but the sex was a real letdown.

I was teasing you, although I did live in Utah for a while!

Don’t let the loveless ones sell you a world wrapped in grey.

Believe me – men CAN have bad sex. I’ll share my experiences as best I can, but I’m not sure if the other involved party ever reads this board… Dear, if you read this I apologize for airing our private moments in public, but we’re pretty anonymous here.

She was my dearest female friend in college, and we always flirted. I wouldn’t try anything further because I was seeing somebody else all that time. When we finally did get together (we’ve never been boyfriend and girlfriend, though I believe she wouldn’t mind), the release of 2+ years of sexual tension was great – until my migraine the morning after.

We tried it several times after that, on various occasions for various reasons. There was very little interest after that for me – it was truly casual sex, the kind you can take or leave as you choose. Our bedroom techniques just didn’t match. I like long, slow, varied-pace sex – too long for her. She kept on drying out before I could finish, and couldn’t be re-moistened. This happened several times. Basically, she got a dozen orgasms out of the deal on each occasion (oral, manual, and penetrative), and I got sweaty. Not much fun.

We attended a wedding together one time, and made a serious try for better sex and a possible “relationship.” The sex was good for her, bad for me. I even got her to try anal sex with me – she loved it, and it enabled me to get off. After much discussion and emotional turmoil, we decided we’d be better off just being friends, leaving the sex thing open for emergencies. Right after that discussion, we had sex again. It was short, sweet, and even good for me too. But the condom had broken (I only discovered this when I was pulling out afterwards). We had a wonderful/horrible night of anxiety, followed by a week of uncertainty while we waited to be sure of the morning-after pill’s effects.

We’ve done it a few times since. More of the same – she’s even stopped me during anal sex, which generally doesn’t take me very long to complete.

She’s still my best friend with tits, but we both share a lot of laughs about the most seriously-fucked-up passive-aggressive sexual relationship we’ve ever witnessed – our own.
Thank goodness she lives in Texas now, or we’d probably be having bad sex all the time, deciding not to do it anymore, and getting right back together for another bumpy ride anyway.

I’ve had one or two other “bad ones” with other people, but I figured I’d offer up a consistently-bad story as more interesting (and less painful, it just so happens).

Da Cap’n
Single and Looking

Two words:
Premature Ejaculation.
My ex-husband- 1.5 minutes, tops. But that’s not the real problem. If someone has that happen, it’s not a problem to me as long as they’re willing to do a little more work so it’s not a waste of undressing for me. He wasn’t- he was on and off and sleeping all within 2 minutes.
Oh, and he didn’t believe in any kind of “sex toys”…and he had a hundred and one other weird hangups. But bottom line is: if you are a minute man, learn how to be a truely “cunning linguest”- it will quickly turn into a non-issue (at least for me!)

Run for the hills, folks! Or you’ll be up to your armpits in martians!

hmmm. I’d have to guess anytime we got caught by the kids.

I love Shitboy stories. They are so personally life affirming for me. Boy, my inadequacy meter isn’t even registering today!
As for bad sex…
Broke up with the wife. She got a boyfriend. Broke up with him. Decided to give it a shot for my son. Spent the weekend together… Ritzy place… just the two of us. Friday night was bad – I knew it was over – she thought it was great sex! Still had the rest of the weekend… She thought everything was perfect. Multiple O and all that. But I was just going through the motions… counting the hours 'til I could get out of there. I kept getting more and more depressed realizing what we had lost 'cause of her taking off initially. I had to act like it was great. I ended up telling her on Sunday I was “sore” from so much sex so I wouldn’t have to do it any more.
After I told her it was over, she said at least we had good “Good-bye sex”, whatever that is.

God, that also ranks up in the top three for worst weekends in my life.