Scott, that is a painfully familiar scenario. My only consolation was that later Shitboy told me he knew I was faking and then we both basically knew it was over.
How sad that your ex couldnt tell you werent really there. 
I used to go out w/ my two male roommates for “Guys Night Out” every Tuesday (that was their way of letting me know I was 'one of the guys - our other roomie was a girl and she wasn’t allowed to go). Generally, a few of our other guy friends would go too, and it was always people I knew. One week an old friend of theirs showed up, and this was someone I had never met. He was cute, we were drinking and flirting … and he ended up coming home with me.
This guy was VERY good at the making out part, but as soon as we started having sex I could tell he was the most selfish person EVER. He apparently thought that it was some sort of race, and was determined to win. I tried to slow him down several times, which didn’t work, and he wasn’t into the idea of me being on top. I finally said, “Look, obviously you don’t seem interested in helping ME get anything out of this, so let’s just forget it,” and I kicked him out of my room. I’m glad to say I never saw the guy again, that could have been REALLY uncomfortable.
Hmmm, that sounds kind of bitchy as I read it. I’m not always that demanding, but the guy wasn’t even CONCERNED if I was enjoying it. It was really creepy.
“You’re going to listen
to ME? To something I
said? Haven’t I made it
abundantly clear over the
tenure of our friendship
that I don’t know shit?”
- Brodie, “Mallrats”
Valerie,
(Can I call you Val? I love that name)
You did the right thing kicking that creep out. Nothing worse then someone who treats you like a blow-up doll.
That’s why I (even now) make sure I “get mine” first…that way if it ends up being a race or otherwise not so great, I’m already happy 
Run for the hills, folks! Or you’ll be up to your armpits in martians!
I KNOW I have dated Shitboy, but actually the sex was good with him. (That was the only good thing about him.) The bad sex was with this last guy, the one who just gave me the boot. What pisses me off is the idea that he might have dumped me because HE thought the sex was bad! I can homestly say the sex was bad because of HIM, not me. The story sounds a lot like some of the other ones already related. He was a good kisser, and a good snuggler, but completely lacked rhythm. He lacked passion. He was too quiet. I had no idea if I was doing something he liked or not. I couldn’t tell if, at the end, he actually ejaculated or just gave up trying. And, dear Lord, I don’t know if I should even say this or not but here it goes–he didn’t exactly, ummm…measure up. That was something I could have learned to work with, but the rest of the experience was so dismal that after it was all over I really didn’t want to try again.
As for the best sex thread, it was a while back, and it wasn’t CALLED The Best Sex, it was something along the lines of The Most Exciting Place to Have Sex.
SATAN, Don’t read! I repeat- advice/therapy forthcoming! Dont’ read! It will annoy you!
Ahhh, Michelle comes clean…
I hate to play armchiar therapist here, but could it be that he “blew you off” because he’s worried that you were unhappy with the sex? I would guess that wasn’t the first time he didn’t do well, and maybe he’s just mortified to deal with it. Any chance?
Run for the hills, folks! Or you’ll be up to your armpits in martians!
It could have been Shitboy, we used to have amazing soul-wrentching sex, the kind that made you want to cry…it just went south because of all the other crap, the breakup, the lack of trust, the whole thing.
My first husband was very small, and had the um, er, problem with …er, not lasting very long.
He made up for this in other areas where he was enthusiastic and dedicated. So the lack of size or stamina in my opinion has NOTHING to do with the quality of the sex.
You can have good sex with anyone, but I think for truly GREAT sex, there has to be feelings involved.
My wife and I were trying to get pregnant, but nothing was working. We went to an OB/GYN who ordered tests for both of us. On top of that, she wanted to do a post-coital exam within 90 minutes of our having sex.
Our appointment was at 9:00, so at 7:30 we began. My wife kept mentioning that we had to get going soon, because traffic would be bad. She was also not “in the mood”, so kissing and caressing weren’t on her mind. (Frankly, I can’t get off if it’s obvious that my partner isn’t.) So basically, I kept “losing pressure” and having to do things manually to get ready again.
We finally finished and got to the doctor. (She said my little guys were doing find.) But that totally utilitarian sex was not my favorite.
For days, I felt like a rapist. (My wife tried to reassure me, but I was still depressed.) The next time we made love, I made sure that we didn’t have to worry about traffic, motility tests, and that we had plenty of time. That basically cured me.
Well, there was that one time when some kid at the grocery store must have huffed all the propellent out of the Redi-Whip that I ended up buying. Or the time when the spur broke off one of my boots. Or that other time when I couldn’t locate the barbed wire to save my life.
Joe Bob: She was “intelegent,” eh? Hmmmm…
Zette: “cunning linguist”…I love it! And yes, I love it, too. I truly believe that half of being good at something is enjoying it to begin with.
I am certain that the ladies have more tales of woe than the guys for all the reasons already mentioned. But yes, we can experience bad sex. Events of alcoholic impotence aside, the worst for me was with the lesbian. We were good friends, and continued to be afterwards. But despite her best efforts, she could not pretend to enjoy sex with a guy. Even though she was eager to do it, there was a creepy sense of rape to the whole thing. She was just “not there” during the intercourse…although she did enjoy the oral part! 
Strainger, maybe we should call you “Mr. Adventure”?
Val, you’ve got big cajones. Good for you!
The worst I ever had was OK … and the best made my eyes cross for three days.
As a side note; Do you know what eternity for a guy is?
That would be the time after he has had an orgasm and before he gets to roll over and go to sleep.
The worst sex I ever had…wow, so many to choose from it is hard to say. Was it the daterape by the sailor on the bathroom floor of the motel? (I didn’t even think to call it that at the time, but looking back on it I’d have to say that’s what it was). Was it the gorgeous Isreali boxboy with killer green eyes in the back of my toyota, where he thrust twice, came, and seeing the look on my face asked me if he had hurt me? Or was it the gold-chain wearing Iranian guy who came INSTANTLY, and then, when I decided that maybe he just needed to get it out of his system, went on to come INSTANTLY two more times within 30 minutes, and seemed completely unfazed by this?
Decisions decisions…
I am #1. Everyone else is #2 or lower.
Zette, I don’t think that is the case, but it is a good thought.
As for the whole size thing, I could have dealt with it if the other aspects of the encounter had been better, but the whole thing was so awful!
Met a girl I met on the internet (a long time ago, no not Heather) before seeing her picture. Learned a BIG lesson…
She was way obese. I felt obligated. We did it. On top of everything, she also had no sense of hygene (use your imagination) and I was nauseus the whole time.
Just thinking about it makes me cry. I didn’t want to have sex with ANYONE EVER AGAIN after that one…
shudder
Yer pal,
Satan
This is off topic but I noticed some women talking about size… and nope, it doesn’t matter at all. One man I knew was in a wheelchair, paralyzed from the waist down and he had no feeling in his penis at all. But let me tell you, that man was hell in bed! He could do things with his lips and teeth and tongue and… ahhhhhh. God, I need another cold shower at it’s not even 3 yet!
The moon looks on many flowers, the flowers on but one moon.
How about bad lesbian sex? I was seeing this girl, and for the first few months of our relationship, the sex was amazing. Then she started to lose interest. She wouldn’t come out and say this, of course. Oh, no. She would pretend that she still wanted to have sex with me, but… What she’d do is, she’d let me go down on her, in bed late at night. She’d pull the covers way up, and I’d crawl under them and do my thing. Note to all sexually inexperienced readers: never do this. It gets stuffy like you wouldn’t believe. So, I’d finally have to come up for air, and by this time she’d usually be asleep. If I wanted an orgasm, I’d have to do it myself. Shortly after this, she dumped me for another girl and a guy simultaneously, who subsequently dumped her and ran off with each other, so I guess justice, in its weird way, is served.
MMmmmmm…Bad lesbian sex. Still fanatsizes well
Sorry, typical guy respose
Satan, I feel for you man, but I gotta say that situation wa entirely of your own making.
I feel lucky not to have been on either end of this experience (Yes, I’m sure I’ve never been the loser, so don’t bother ;)), I hope this isn’t something that comes with age. I’m happy with my care free college sex-life.
My sex life is non-existent, and always has been.
I can’t think of much worse than that.
Okay, see, there was this chick named kellibelli and we use to …
Huh?
She said what?
Why, I oughtta’ …
Satan:
How foolish of you. Not in wanting to meet the gal (look at where you are now, obviously) but in feeling obligated to have sex with her when you didn’t want to. SHE had made the mistake, not in being obese (although the hygiene thing is definitely unforgivable) but because she wasn’t honest with you. If she misled you about her appearance, you shoudln’t feel badly.
But don’t be too hard on fat girls as a group. I’m a great lay.
And for those of you who say size doesn’t matter: up to a point, you’re right. But I have encountered some painfully small dicks in my time, and there is definitely a point at which it becomes sad and useless. I really feel for such men, but I wouldn’t want to be involved with one. Delightful and important as they are, tongues and hands just aren’t enough. Sometimes ya gotta have DICK.
Stoid
I am #1. Everyone else is #2 or lower.