Cleaning up unanswered questions:
Invincibility at Connect Four, obviously. Ketchup from the belly button could cost dearly when it comes to clothing.
My legs. I could always get around in a wheelchair, but I couldn’t manage without hands.
My question:
Would you rather drink a bottle of Jergens hand lotion or eat a cake of Ivory soap?
i dunno, the ketchup could be handy…
i would rather eat the ivory. i think it would be less soap since bars are smaller than bottles and since ivory has a lot of air in it so that it floats. plus, i think it would have an interesting texture.
would you rather be incapable of distinguishing babies from english muffins, or have skin that is fifteen times larger than necessary? (i stole both of those, don’t think i’m clever.)
Babies are excellent if toasted properly and then slathered with honey butter. 'Course, with that much extra skin trailing behind me I could tell people I had lot a ton of weight. Tough call. I’ll go with the babies/english muffins.
Would you rather slide down a razor wire into a barrel of iodine or drink a bucket of monkey snot? (also not originals)
The monkey snot option, mainly because you never find a monkey with sinus problems (I have this information on good authority).
Would you rather fill all your orifices with rotting meat or become an insurance salesman?
egg
Rotting meat.
Would you rather drink a smoothie comprising of this: Hyaena urine, platypus eggs, shedded snake skin, Hershey’s syrup and ice or give Bea Arthur a colonic?
Oh, Bea Arthur all the way. That woman drives me wild.
Would you rather drink a Draino margarita or share a sleeping bag with a 200-pound tarantula?
Awwwww… cute cuddly tarantula? I’d tuck him in and read him bedtime stories and be his friend… 
Would you rather be in true love for a year (then be single for the rest of your life) or a comfortable but sparkless marriage for a lifetime (assume the sex is OK 
)?
You know what they say, it’s better to have loved and lost… Ah hell, a life of comfortable sex please.
Would you rather have your whole body waxed or have to walk around backwards for a week?
I’ll go for the full-body waxing please. I’m nowhere near coordinated or patient to walk around in reverse for seven days.
Would you rather drive cross-country with the whiniest, bitchiest person you know or spend a week with a Christian Fundamentalist?
I live with an up and coming one, so I’d take the Christian.
Would you rather have hiccups for the rest of your life or a huge irremovable wart on your nose?
Hiccups.
Would you rather see the Earth taken over by giant evil insects, or Scientologists?
Hiccups.
Would you rather wear a klan robe to the million man march or spend three years in prison?
Three years in the slammer.
For the guys:
Would you rather get breast impants for a year (D-cup) or go hysterically blind for a year?
I would take the implants.
Would you rather go to work wearing only a thong for 3 years or wear a shirt made entirely of cat excriment for 2 weeks?
But how would you explain your newly-sprouted man teats to all yer friends?
Thong-th-thong-thong-thong.
Would you rather have uncontrollable noxious flatulence at a company Christmas party or live on a diet of nothing but soggy Camel cigarettes and bug juice for a week?
I could say that I really wanted to look like Bob from “Fight Club”.
Holy crap!
:eek:
Mmm, Camels and bug juice. Sounds good.
Would you rather be stuck in an elevator with a claustrophobic psycho killer or Barney the Dinosaur?