They opened the cooler of evil
some things were never meant to be seen by man ever again
WE are doomed , doomed , doomed
Declan
Ruh roh!
LOL!
One of the all-time great threads! Right here.
Did anyone else notice that after this thread made Threadspotting, SDMB went down?
Cooler of Death, have mercy!!!
Are you kidding? Those things are wrapped air-tight in plastic.
They’re perfectly good.
Perrrrfectly good.
Eat the crackers.
Eeeeat the crackers…
Um, I’m afraid that would be my fault. I nominated it for Threadspotting.
See, once I understood the Cooler’s ultimate plan for humanity, everything was made clear.
It was necessary for the SDMB to go dark for a while…just so some minor changes and improvements could be made.
Nothing to fear…you will understand all very soon.
Very soon.
Very very soon.
So what happened to the fish that was in there? There clearly was a fish in there at one time. The reason your husband avoided cleaning the cooler out all that time was because it contained a fish. A big, nasty, moldy, smelly ass fish!
The cooler was sealed tight. The dog coulnd’t open it. No one else in your family opened it, until now.
So, I ask again. What happened to the fish!!
I’m telling ya. The Fish is out there somewhere! Lurking! Waiting! Seeking!
:shudder:
I had a husband that left me, and left behind a cooler of death…
He did ren fest. He met a girl at ren fest. Turns out she was his soul mate (tough for me, huh?). So shortly after the run, he packs his bags and leaves.
Next summer I discover…the Cooler…he took all his stuff, took the stereo, the computer, his toys, his books, all his festival goodies (costume, tent) - but he didn’t take - or bother to clean out - the cooler.
It sloshed - but not with a fully liquid liquid. More with the semi solidness of a tub of cottage cheese.
Here I am, broke. Really broke as in “my husband walked out the door and I have $12 left a month after bills.” And I’m thinking “I might need this cooler, I can’t buy a new one…Can I really afford to throw it out? Maybe a little bleach - ok, maybe a lot of bleach and good as new.”
I open it.
Do you have any idea how big bagels get when they’ve been sitting in water for five months? The milk was in a solid state (I now know how they make cheese) and the cheese was more black than green. Bad grapes. A smell that floated through the neighborhood for about twenty minutes.
I immediately shut it back up. Tugged it over by the trash, and hung a “trash - please take” sign.
It disappeared before trash day. Someone was more desperate than I was for a cooler. But it wasn’t one of my near neighbors, as the smell didn’t reoccur.
(I seem to have that sort of luck with men, my now and hopefully forever husband brought with him “the food shelf.” Which was a box of odd foodstuff (sauerkraut juice, kim chee, soy moo, etc) that he and his friends had collected for years - far past the expiration date. I wouldn’t let him bring it into the house, so it went into the garage in the spot of honor where the cooler of death had resided. When we sold the house, he threw it out. Two years ago, his brother sent him a can of Spotted Dick (Heinz brand), which is sitting on the shelf above his computer. You don’t change men by marrying them, you know).
Oh the humanity
Declan
Good God, Dangerosa, that’s the most horrifying thing I’ve ever read.
Dumped for a Renfest girl.
I hope his leather mug rots.
Gang, we need to start casting the Movie Version of the Cooler of Death right away. Using other board members, of course.
I get to play the Mysterious Stranger who gives the ominous warning to never open the cooler.
Velma has a lock on the role of the Heroine who is terrified at first but then learns to kick butt.
So we still have to cast the following roles:
Drunk Good Old Boy who jest don’t believe in no superstious nonsense. He opens the cooler. Gets et.
Horny Young Couple getting it on nearby when the cooler is opened. They get eaten.
Scientist who believes the evil inside should be studied, not destroyed.
Guvmint Sp00k who wants to use it for a weapon.
A Cop on the Edge. Cast somebody who doesn’t always play by the rules.
His Partner. We need somebody two weeks from retirement.
The Terrible Actress Who’s There Just Because She’s Hot.
Comic Relief
Dancer at Club because it appears that police work always takes investigators to a club.
Let me take a shot at this:
Drunk Good Old Boy who jest don’t believe in no superstious nonsense. He opens the cooler. Gets et.
aha
Horny Young Couple getting it on nearby when the cooler is opened. They get eaten.
This would be iampunha and his sweetie fizzestothetop
Scientist who believes the evil inside should be studied, not destroyed.
Chronos
Guvmint Sp00k who wants to use it for a weapon.
Czarcasm?
A Cop on the Edge. Cast somebody who doesn’t always play by the rules.
Has to be manhattan
His Partner. We need somebody two weeks from retirement.
Polycarp
The Terrible Actress Who’s There Just Because She’s Hot.
This feels like damning with faint praise… Persephone
Comic Relief
SPOOFE
Dancer at Club because it appears that police work always takes investigators to a club.
Me! Pick me!
Can I be the wacky neighbor?
I didn’t even get a chance to auditon! Darn!
Hey, can I just cast myself as the beautiful, brilliant, skeptical yet intrigued FBI agent who is sent to investigate the Cooler of Death and narrowly escapes being eaten alive yet still remains skeptical until the end of the movie?
Hey, you forgot the Icy Female Scientist Whose Formidable Intellect Does Not Clue Her In To The Fact That She Would Be A Lot Happier If She Just Found Herself A Man And Settled Down!
Sorry about the monitor, BrotherCadfael.
Erm, of course this is not a very flattering role to play. Ten thousand :wally 's upside my own head. I was thinking about stereotypical B movie characters and forgot about the whole “use the board members for the cast” thing. Sorry.
Can I be the crazed follower that feels the cooler is a holy symbol? Maybe I can get eaten by the horror within in the final act.
Doom is in the cooler! DOOM!
2nd Comic Relief
Michael Ellis
I would like to volunteer to play the part of The Evil. I could make a lovely, gray, blobular costume. Also, I can make truly horrific demon noises. Puh-leeze… I wanna be The Evil! 
Can I be the new-age supernatural/psychic type whom everyone thinks is nuts but who ends up saving the day because I just happen to have in my library the dusty old tome containing the proper rituals and incantations needed to send the Evil Within The Cooler back to the moldy depths of Hell from whence it came?
I have my own crystals. Please?