I’m only one of the two (deranged or maniac).
I leave it to you guys to work out which it is 
If you do decide against calling the guy, wouldn’t the polite thing to do be tape a rejection letter to your mail box? Make sure it’s written in red crayon on green paper 
There is something to be said about a younger man. Cardsfan is 15 years my junior. I say call the guy up
I wouldn’t call him, but then, I wouldn’t call any guy. I prefer men who can walk up and ask me out, rather than take the passive approach. Anyone who prefers to stalk my house and write a note like that isn’t my type. YMMV.
Hey! That happened to me years ago, with my first ever virtual friend. We met on a site visited by people from my home town, and exchanged a few e-mails.
We were both living in England but quite far away from each other, so when he e-mailed me and said he would be visiting a friend who lives nearby, and asked if I wanted to meet up, I thought - Yikes! I’m being asked out on a date! He followed it up with saying he had a business proposal he wanted to discuss, so I replied saying “as long as it’s not Amway” in total jest.
His sheepish reply to that was “It is, actually”. The date was off, and soon after I heard from a friend of a friend who knows him (I come from a very small town) that he was in fact a total weirdo. I got off lightly on both counts, it seems.
Having said that, Calm Kiwi, I’m with those who say check this person out, taking all the sensible precautions of course. Remember that if he turns out to be a disappointment at least you’ll have a tale to amuse your friends with.
If it is a success, we’ll all be happy for you. 
Free-range Maniac.
Band name!
You are being given some very good advice but I don’t think you’re hearing it.
If you started this thread just to let us know about this happening that’s okay, but if you really wanted advice you should listen more closely.
Do not invite him into your home, it has already been said several times, your reply, ‘but he already knows where I live’, is kind of lame and poorly reasoned, I feel.
Knowing where you live and being in your house with you are two entirely different things. If you let him in your house and then get the major heebee jeebees from him, its sort of too late don’t you think?
Call him, by all mean, but not from your home phone, or if you do, block your number.
Do not accept a ride from him, go in a cab or under your own steam, (otherwise it’s no safer than hitchhiking), have an exit strategy in place ( a good excuse and cab fare home ). Go to a public place you find comfortable, where there are plenty of people. Tell someone, you are going to meet this person, where and when.
You can easily be swept up in the flattery of this situation and easily distracted from the fact that this is a stranger to you. Maybe he’s an insurance salesman, maybe he’s a creep who’s used this approach successfully before on shy unsuspecting women so flattered by the attention their own good sense is temporarily suspended.
Maybe you think things are different in NZ, no need for the paranoia of N Americans.
Don’t ever forget your most defensive strength isn’t in your muscles, it’s in your brain!
Oh yeah, and one more thing, 38 yrs, 34 yrs, are you kidding me? If you were 16 and he was 12 those would be important 4 yrs but seriously, after you’ve reached 25 yrs, four years is nothing.
Good luck to you, I hope you let us know how this all pans out otherwise we’ll all just die of curiosity.
Peace
I got a letter like that a few years ago. It was from an extremely shy guy, who was in the same nature-studygroup as I was. I had hardly exchanged two word with him at that point.
The letter was sweet, clumsy and geeky, with pasted in pictures of beautiful plants and caterpillars. This guy was the resident expert on caterpillars, so him courting me with caterpillars it is less weird then it sounds.
I wasn’t interested in this guy romantically at all. I didn’t particularly like him, even. I asked the chairwoman of the nature studygroup about him. She told me that guy had been unpleasant to 2-3 women. I assumed he had made passes at them too, and they had rejected him and he didn’t take that rejection well.
So I wrote a rejectionletter saying what a sweet brave letter and I’m sure I would like you but sorry, I’m already in a relationship.
The few times after that he pretended not to see me, which was fine with me.
So calm kiwi, I say meet him, with the caveats others have put in. If you don’t like him, try not to make him feel ridiculous, for your own sake. If you wound somebody’s self-esteem, they will fight you to get it back.
But from your board persona, I think treating people respectfully comes naturally to you.
What is Amway?
It’s a unique business opportunity I’ve been saving just for you, Maastricht! Take a seat and I’ll tell you all about it…
It’s a MLM, Multi-Level Marketing set up. Think, to some degree Ponzi scam. The people in at the ground floor do well, but after that are diminishing returns.
I’d say do meet him. He’s probably a little wierd, which is why he’s shy. (I’m a little wierd, and hence shy.) It may not work. But it is worth a shot.
Do not invite him to your place, as that sends a message of intimacy to him. He probably hasn’t been to many girl’s places, and is likely to get the wrong idea. As a shy and lonely person myself, I tend to jump headlong into relationships. I have scared the occasional ladyfriend by “rushing” things. Just a “heads-up” warning.
The “planned emergency call” is good. Easy out, if things are hincky. If things don’t go well, do let him know, over the phone. Be gentle but firm. I currently have a female acquaintance who will not tell me out-right she doesn’t want a second date, but will make excuses. Then she flirts with me incessantly. I honestly think she’s stringing me along, and it annoys me. Yay or nay either would be fine, but I wish I could get a solid answer. Solid answers are good.
As to you not being a “beauty”, forget that. He probably does think you are beautiful. Not everyone sees beauty in the same way. It took me years to convince my ex-wife she was pretty. I think she finally started to believe me, but I had always meant it.
Another vote here for go for it! If nothing else, he’s given you a perk today, and hearing from you will give him one in return. It’s just coffee and talk, after all.
Good luck!
Yes, call. I’m simply impressed the little note didn’t say check “Yes” if you like me or “No” if you don’t - pass it back. Have fun, be safe!
Single female wuss checking in. (I’m also a very paranoid New Yorker ;)) Yes, I would ring. Meet him for a lunch date (or some other daytime activity). Don’t let him pick you up, don’t go to his place, and don’t invite him to yours. But, definitely call him.
In my salad days I was a musician and played a gig at a big Amway banquet where all the biggest sellers were given trips and other prizes.
I kid you not, it was not unlike a religious cult thing.
Call him!
Call him, call him, call him.
Look–if you don’t call him, you’ll always wonder who he is. And, at this point, so will we.
I have the same advice for you as most of the other Dopers in this thread. Meet him in a public place, don’t let him know your phone number, etc. I think inviting him to your place would be a very bad move for reasons already posted by other Dopers.
But do call him.
Thank you for all the kind “be careful” messages.
I have a very tiny update.
I rang Mr Mystery man yesterday and got his blinging voice mail. Most frustrating considering it took me about an hour to summon up the balls to ring! I left a perky-but-babbling message and then I tried to forget about it.
He didn’t ring back (though I was in and out of the house) so it was a good job I had decided to forget about it. He was not displaying very efficient stalker habits!
Anyway, to cut a long babble short, he rang this evening. He seems like a decent bloke with a good sense of humour…but he wasn’t lying, he is shy. I effectively covered any of his shy silences with nervous babble. I’m good like that
Long and the short is we are meeting for coffee on Tuesday (NOT at my place…thank you safety police).
Thank you for all the advice. This is all a bit surreal really.
OK, so I 'm a day late and a dollar short again. Calm kiwi, I met a sweet, shy guy when I was 38. I got up the courage to give him my phone number when I was 39. He called his sister and asked what I meant by that, then, after a good talking to by his sister, did what I intended, called me up, and asked me out. We’ve been seeing each other ever since. Both of us have our insecurities, but I don’t think I could have done better.
Good luck! There’s a lot to be said for shy, nice guys.
CJ
calm kiwi, I’m also a little late to this thread, and I also want to caution against allowing him into your house - no matter how sweet or shy he is coming across. Keep your guard up at all times - you can still be friendly (and babbling nervously! ) and be yourself while keeping your personal safety first. My husband has a saying “Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.” It sounds a little negative, but it’s really not, and is quite sensible. (My husband, incidentally, was quite shy about speaking to me at first, and he’s still a quiet person. Not saying they’re all the same, but I didn’t want to come across as being against anyone just because they are shy/quiet/introverted).
I really do this turns out to be a wonderful experience for you, even if it just ends up being a new friend, perhaps. And stop fretting over your looks, dear, I’ve seen your picture and you are an absolute doll! And though I haven’t spoken to you very much, I’ve read your posts from afar and admired… oh I’m only teasing! I do like your posts, though!
You will surely know more about how you feel after meeting him in person… you can pick up any good/bad vibes off of him that way. Report back to us so we know how it goes, and so we are assured you are safe (I like the idea of keeping a friend who “shadows” things from a distance, too, as extra security, that is a good idea if you can arrange it somehow).
Good luck!