Three midgets walk into a convent and ask to see the staff manager. When they get into her office, one of the midgets asks her, “Do you have any midget nuns here?”
The manager reflects briefly and replies, “No, I’m sorry, we don’t have any midget nuns here.”
The one midget asks her again, “Are you sure?”
The manager says that maybe they should talk to the Mother Superior about it. The midgets agree and are ushered into the mother superior’s office.
The midget asks the mother superior, “Are you sure there aren’t any midget nuns here?” The mother superior performs a quick check of her staff roster and replies, "I’ve just checked the entire local vicinity and I’m sorry to say that there aren’t any midget nuns in this whole county.
The one midget turns to the others and says:
“You see, I told you we were screwing a penguin last night.”
Two farmers are leaning on a fence and chewing the fat when a pig with a wooden leg walks by. The visiting farmer tries to ignore it, but finally can’t contain himself any longer and says: “George, why does that pig have a wooden leg?”
George says: “you remember when the tractor rolled over on me this Spring and I was pinned under the wheel?”
His friend says: “Yup.”
“Well, that pig was out rooting in the field and saw me and went squealing up to the house and got my wife to get me free.”
“I remember that, but why does your pig have a wooden leg?”
But George continues: “And do you remember when the house caught fire a couple months ago?”
“Yup.”
"Well that there pig ran squealing through the house and woke everybody up, probably saved all our lives.
"Yeah, I’ll agree that’s a pretty special pig, George, But why does he have a wooden leg.