They busted the Fat Man

There were elves lined up on JFK Boulevard waving signs that said “Santa stop ahead!”
Sure enough, he did, because there he was, with a bunch of NLR cops at a mobile control van, or whatever it’s called.
I’m glad they finally caught the SOB. B&E, accosting kid’s Mommies, Peeping in windows, (He knows if you’ve been sleeping, he knows if you’re awake) and Child Abuse.
Incarcerate the Fat Man in Durance Vile!

Fat bastard never did give me that Aston Martin and I’ve been good for ages. I hope he fries.

Fraud, I forgot fraud!


not to mention breach of contract

Plus he tracks soot all through the house! Never offered to pay for the carpet cleaning either.

One year he totally fucked up the flue in my chimney. Not even a note. Bastard.

…but then…who has the Falcon?

Sam Spade has the copy, but we don’t know when it was substituted.

Did Jake get away clean?


I dunno.
Canino got shot in the tummy five or six times.
Bogie doesn’t screw around.

Drunk bastard owes me a new roof. Have you seen what rendeer hooves and sleigh runners do to composition roof shingles?!?

Don’t ever prank Santa. A few years ago I found out that reindeer like beans so I left a bunch on my roof. His reindeer ate it all. Gave them bad gas too. If you thought you saw the Northern Lights over the Pacific Northwest a couple years ago, it was reindeer gas vapor.

Still have a pile of coal that Santa left me last year.