I’m not mad.
I’m simply free from the bonds of conventional thought. You’re the mad ones! All trapped in your button down right angle world. I can’t tell you of my discoveries in the MetaConscious mind. Your language simply cannot describe the concepts. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to implant some subliminal programming in a few people before I return to my body.
I have thirteen cats in my house. If I hadn’t been crazy to begin with, a few months of living with thirteen cats would’ve done the job. Wacka wacka.
Look, if creating an unstoppable army of shark-gorilla hybrids that thirst for the blood of human beings means I’m crazy, then hey, I’m crazy.
Do they have frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads?
So, I take it that once again I am the only Scientist present with humanity’s best interest at heart?
No, being ruled by you is not what’s best for humanity so don’t try that one.
I ate my own poo at my best friend’s birthday when I was 12. I didn’t want any cake.
When I was 14, every time my mother would get up from bed, I’d run over and push her back onto it. I would keep this up for hours, or until she broke down and started bawling. Whichever came first.
There are no chickens in my neighborhood. I’m the reason for that.
I find that a hammer is a pleasant aphrodisiac…just before you masturbate.
Toenails are to be ripped out with pliers the second they get “too long”.
I liked Crystal Clear Pepsi.
(3 and a quarter)
At the University, they said I was mad and a danger. I admit that my plan to develop walking shade trees may have been impractical, but look at what I have achieved: the world’s first retractable tomato! We have finally conquered pasta!
By the by, if you ask at the university now my former colleagues will have nothing but nice things to say about me.
They will also howl like coyotes on hearing the word lumpen.
•As a matter of fact, in my days at the university, I gave a presentation on the possibilities and advantages of extracting the organs of executed humans for transplant.
However, no one called me mad for that one…in fact, I think I won over a few people. (Including the guy who went before me, who’s presentation was on how President Bush deserved to be impeached.
(Oh—didn’t I mention that this was a public speaking class?)
•I have actually found myself salivating over sufficiently detailed technical manuals. More than once.
•I have a plan for reducing global warming…which also involves retroactive nuclear non-proliferation. (I’m thinking three, four hundred million dead. Tops. Hey, would you rather the ice caps melt?)
•I once wrote a five-chapter fanfic that, technically, is a Proud Family/The Littles/As Told by Ginger/Code Lyoko/Mission Hill/Daria crossover. It was not a comedy. It is, in fact, an apocalyptic political thriller.
It actually got a pretty favorable reception.
•I’ve done christmas shopping at The Bone Room, and United Nuclear.
I’ve invented multiple languages–starting at the age, if you believe my mother, of 2 and a half. So galnag ea booli to you, too.
I?
Mad?
Sirs and Madames–PLEASE!
I am the height of Victorian Propriety!
SHOCKED! Shocked, I am, at these outlandish suggestions?
Would you care for some tea?
It’s made with genuine Monkey Blood.
I’ve mixed pool chlorine and brake fluid indoors.
I speak the secret language of cats wherein “BLURF” is the command to attack my feet (and gotten results from three separate cats).
I’ve driven a SCUD missile around the tarmac.
I’ve swum naked in the ocean during a thunderstorm at midnight.
I ran five miles a day at 3pm sharp, in San Antonio in July, and sang songs every step of the way.
I spent my four years at the University taking 18 or more engineering credits every semester, without drinking a single beer…
…and I tried to throw a Coke can full of burning chlorine and brake fluid out a window that had a screen on it.
I won’t even crack the top 20 around here, though.
:dubious:
I think some of you guys are making your stuff up!
I bet lots of you aren’t called mad at all!
You’re probably not really even all that insane.
Ah, you got me. I’m not perfectly normal. I’m only mostly normal.
My absent-mindedness almost led to a grave omission. No thread on being Mad at the University is complete without a link to Girl Genius. 
HA! Jokes on you—in fact, I may be one of the few here legally classified as insane! I’ve got a file!
Praise you for it.
Check out my sig in Post #31.
Maybe, because I read my microbiology text book cover to cover during my hour break between classes during the first week of the semester. I did it sitting on the floor, in a little used hallway.
Or maybe it was the jaunt across town with the biology lab’s skeleton in the front seat of my car. He had a hat on, but I got stopped anyway. How was I to know it was illegal to transport human remains in the front seat?
It’s basically the same reasoning as the law that prohibits open alcohol containers in the front seat. Obviously human remains won’t impair your judgment on their own, but all too often your victim may have a high blood-alcohol level or be on prescription meds, which can result in the same effect. Please, consider your own safety and that of others on the road: leave the corpse in the trunk until you get home! Enjoy responsibly.
And of course,
If you’re Norse,
A cup of mead, made of the skull of your enemy,
is right out.