Things every Doper should know

And “mm-hmmm” is not the same as “you’re welcome.”

If you want to be loved, be lovable.

If you’re bored, you have no one but yourself to blame.

The easy way to defeat all salespeople is to just say “No” to everything, at least for the time being, for all pitches. It doesn’t matter if it is on the phone, on a car lot, or in a store. Just listen, say no to everything and go away for a while. If something still sounds copelling, research it and come back if you still want it. It is hard to ever get burned that way.

Physically, it’s nearly impossible to tell fear from excitement. Sometimes, you can choose which it is.

Be civil to a jerk. It will baffle him, because nobody else ever does.

When somebody is waiting to get into a long line of traffic, you be the one who lets her in. What comes around, will be drivin’ six white horses.

For the ladies: If you paint your nails, a powered nail dryer will save some time. A powered nail driver will not help at all.

When a link in a post seems to throw out red flags, or offer you a 30-day trial period, maybe you can let it go. Some knowledge is not worth the trouble.

Ionic usually means bogus.

This too shall pass.

The secret to a happy life (according to Elvis) is that you need to have something to live for, somebody to love, and something to do.

But not regular bowel movements *in *comfortable shoes. That would be bad.

Preview is your friend.

Learn how to use apostrophes.

Learn that the second vowel in “nuptial” is not another “u” and is not pronouced as if it were.

Never pass up an opportunity for an orgasm (either your own or someone else’s).

Don’t be afraid to scare the horses.

“I’ve never done it before” doesn’t mean “I can’t do it.”

ALWAYS question authority.

If we don’t push our limits, we’ll never know how truly limitless we are.

It’s “Powerhouse” by Raymond Scott.

Do not post TMI on The Dope. It WILL come back to bite you.

Thankfully, I’m not learning this lesson personally. . . .yet. But it’s even painful to watch vicariously.

Save your money. A rainy day will always come. (Or a busted hot water tank, or a new transmission, or some other unseen expenditure.)

Eat well. You’ll feel better. Get some fruit, vegetable, protein and grain every day.

Never pass up a chance to say a kind word or give a genuine compliment.

Drive nicely. It’s not worth dying for, and it’s a commute, not a competition.

A garden is an endless source of meaning: it teaches patience, hope and an appreciation of time and season. There is always something to look forward to, and there is always something to find beautiful.*

Dogs give unconditional love.

Upon properly re-reading the OP:

Those people who call and want to know the serial number of your photocopier? Don’t give it to them.

If you see funny black specks floating in your eye or new floaters, go to a doctor. Right away.

The laundry comes out just as clean in cold water.
*except slugs. Slugs are not beautiful.


  1. Don’t trust Whitey.

I hope I’m not stepping into a situation here, but, … don’t you think that this is a bit unfair? That is, shouldn’t it be qualified with a “some” or a “many” or (even) “lots”?

Please think about it.


On that note, Dopers, remember not to stay logged on at work. Just ask Hal.


Don’t be a jerk.

And when it isn’t, it’s usually Rio by Duran Duran.

There is no third word that ends in “gry.”

Always back up your comments with a cite. As they like to say on The People’s Court: get it in writing. Five minutes till Wapner.

Humor is all abotiming.

Take more pictures of your kids.

Start a 401K (or equivalent) early.

Just because “we’ve always done it that way” doesn’t mean we should.

Just because you know you can win isn’t a good reason for an argument.

Pistachio ice cream rulez!!!11!!!

  1. Don’t work until you drop dead. Take an early retirement and enjoy llife.

  2. Nichi nichi kore ko jitsu.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friends’ noses’.

Wear sunscreen. At the least, it’ll keep the micrometeoroids from hitting your spleen.

Preview. Preview again. Fuckin’ preview again, you stupid git!.

And I mean it!.

Paraphrasing a friend who is far wiser than I ever expected:

No matter what someone does to you, you have only two choices: absolution, or escalation. Forgiveness can be difficult, but once it is done, it remains done. Pursuing retribution or feeding a festering grudge is a LOT more work, and damages your heart and soul.


Thanks! :slight_smile:

Rub her feet.

Don’t try to have the last word. You might get it.

Always tell her she is beautiful, especially if she is not.

It is better to copulate than never.

Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.

If you don’t like yourself, you can’t like other people.

A motion to adjourn is always in order.