I do all the time and no problems here. Lactose intolerant?
What soap tastes like. What a spanking feels like, what screaming so hard you can’t breathe feels like, what depression feels like.
Also, more recently, not to open any link you haven’t checked before hand.
Dude looked like a ladle.
Strawberry juicebar-flavored vomit is very pleasant, compared to overcooked, slightly greasy, Aidells Mango Sausage-flavored vomit.
Robitussin actually does taste like stewed cherries. (Or, rather, stewed cherries really do taste like cherry Robitussin.)
In my state, I have, specifically, a right to refuse a lobotomy. (This story’s not as interesting/scary as it sounds.)
Dead things do smell “sicky-sweet.” Even through walls.
“Monkeybone” isn’t worth paying $8 to see in the theater.
Pterodactyl-themed porn exists.
Apparently, I’m difficult to christmas (or birthday) shop for.
Dogs can have hideous, blood-filled diarhea for days on end, but recover to live long, healthy lives.
Dogs can also go senile. Really, really, senile. And surprisingly fast.
Never eat at an Arby’s between Sacramento and the Pacific Ocean. Actually, make that “anywhere, ever again.”
A tempered glass table top is not a good place to try soldering experiments with a propane torch.
You should not ride a motorcycle through a “wet” patch of road on a dry day because it might be motor oil or transmission fluid. (ouch!)
It is possible to stop a grinding wheel with your thumb.
Never try to take an apparently dead rat away from your cat, even if she is trying to bring it into the house for her kittens. Also, apparently dead rats have exceedingly sharp teeth.
Ah, yes. Things I wish I didn’t know from experience: what “Tubgirl” is.
Luckily, I learned from experience, and have not yet experienced Goatse or Lemon Party. Thank goodness for Wikipedia’s entry on Shock Sites.
Never think it’s more convenient to carry your cat to the vet by hand than in a cage.
Never park more than one block away from the vet when carrying your cat by hand.
When listening to things you do not want other people to hear, make sure your headphones are plugged into the computer.
Always CYA.
There is a rational way to do things and then there is the way your employer wants things done.
Sometimes, your parents might actually know what they are talking about.
If yer gonna pick up a weapon in haste, don’t take it for granted you know which is the “business end”, but y’ought to know whether it’s loaded or not.
In a foriegn (hostile) country, don’t be walkin’ in fields with a fence around 'em.
Don’t squat with yer spurs on.
Don’t pee on an electric fence.
If it looks like you’re coming in for a landing just a little too fast, you probably are–it’s okay to do a go around.
There may be a time when you least expect it that you lose everything you know and love. Be prepared for it, but be strong enough to take it with and move forward in life.
Tripler
That’s about all I got.
So do ladybugs.
Do not eat cheezies and let a gerbil sniff your finger in between bites. To a gerbil, your finger smells and also looks convincingly like a cheezie. I don’t know if gerbils realize that cheezies don’t bleed.
Do not try and remove a zip tie from a tool case with a box cutter if your hand is in the path that the knive will inevitably travel when it finally makes it through. Its momentum will take it through a finger just as easily as the last bit of that zip tie.
When moving large computer desks, remove the keyboard drawer first. Once it slides free, three feet is more than enough for the corner of said drawer to destroy a toenail.
The more drunk you are, the more drunk you want to become, and the more at odds this desire is with your digestive system.
Drunk people are not good conversationalists when you’re sober.
Exposed, unpopulated, live breaker panels do not make good arm rests.
Ants seem to taste alright. Sort of lemony, but not bad.
If you have a generator light on your bike, check the screws OFTEN.
Collapsed front wheels are no fun.
Wash you hands after picking up mice and BEFORE picking up snakes.
Everything is capable of biting.
Unrequited sucks.
Black powder spontaneously combusts (wasn’t me, was my neighbor on the left; the school fixed the floor of the room above but left the bump in the ceiling so they’d be able to show it to incoming students).
Why a red rage got that name.
What it feels like to be betrayed by those who should take care of you.
If your brakes lock or your car goes into a skid, instead of trying to brake (which simply won’t work) the best option really is to just try to turn the car so it hits whatever in the least damaging fashion. After learning this, it took me several minutes checking myself to verify that no, I didn’t have any broken bones, before I was able to slide over to the copilot’s seat and exit the car.
Don’t touch the stove burner to see if it is hot just because it hasn’t gotten red yet.
When using Dad’s pocket knife to open one of those %@#^% blister packs, point the blade away from your thumb.
In general, you only spill alcohol when you are drunk.
When I’m really drunk I get both talkative and honest… Not the best combination. Apparently, I also often sing “Dance 10 Looks 3” from A Chorus Line when I’m drunk…
Don’t mix Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill, wine coolers, and Tequila all in the same night.
If you can’t see whether the unlabeled spice is Cinnamon or Cayenne Pepper at 5:00 a.m., sniff or taste a little before adding it to your oatmeal and taking a huge bite.
When you can’t get the plug out of the extension cord, unplug the extension cord before you use a pair of metal scissors to try to pry it out. zzzap!
Hmm…for a “positive” spin on things:
For me, SSRIs produce few if any side effects. Neither does Allegra.
And Lidocaine works really well at quickly killing sensation in a mangled digit so I doctor can slice up and/or piece it back together. Gums and teeth, too!
(Still, all in all, I’d rather have not have had to be in the situations where I got to find those tidbits out.)
I was only 2 years old and I still remember.
For this sort of situation, you should use “tummy control” or “firm control” briefs. They aren’t as firm as a true girdle, but they’ll hold up the pantyhose. Wearing a pair that hit the midthigh, instead of being true briefs, will help create a smooth line under the outfit.
Motorcycles and vans don’t mix well.
Brothers cannot be replaced.
Hot soldering irons can look like screwdrivers if it’s dark and they’ve just been unplugged. On a related note, it’s still always a good idea to grab screwdrivers by the handle rather than by the end, no matter how many people assure you they really are screwdrivers.
Vomiting on heroin is surprisingly not at all unpleasant. On a related note, it’s still not a good idea to try to pack up an entire house’s worth of stuff in half an hour while the heroin is wearing off. If only because you’ll waste time and calories.
You can throw up just water. On a related note, it’s a good idea to eat at least one meal in the 12 hours before you try out for the basketball team, no matter how unappealing the concept of eating at your school’s roach coach may be.
Dissolving Sucrets in hot water will give you the most bang for your buck in terms of total dextromethorphan and potency thereof, but the end product is quite possibly the most vile thing anybody’s ever drank intentionally. (But, see cafe story below.)
When a friend offers/asks to drive your car with you in the passenger seat, you should first demand that he show you a valid driver’s license. On a related note, drivers’ licenses and state ID cards look remarkably similar.
Disposable gloves may protect a hot bagel from your hand, but they will not protect your hand from a hot bagel.
Not for everyone. 
At work, we got a new flavored tea latte shipped in from Corporate that we were asked to push hard as a seasonal item. The universal consensus among the hired help was that it tasted awful beyond words. The most interesting review, though, was my one coworker who specifically described it as “the second most offensive thing [he’d] ever tasted”. After we grilled him about it for a few days, he finally revealed that the one thing more offensive than the new latte was dog shit. :eek: He quickly explained that it was an accident–he tripped on something and almost literally “ate shit”–but I still suspect it was a prank from his Navy days.
Know what’s hidden in the weed pile before you torch it.
Never assume that because two different breeds of dog are related, that their temperaments are similar.
Every time I talk to my stepmother (retired EMT/firefighter; I talk to her about once a month), I get a call to a major fire of my own within 24 hours. I’m six for six since I joined my department.