That was more damn advice that betrayed me. Tummy control briefs are only are better if your tummy is not pretty solid when you are sitting. Other wise, they too can start rolling down at the waist. Now that I am much squishier, that advice may work, but back a while, it did not.
Also, I wish I did not know the clicking sound that a bunch of maggots make. I hate that sound.
If at any point during a confrontation you hear a voice in your head say “Back off or this will get ugly” listen to that voice. Staying can get painful and expensive.
If you teach a kitten to fetch, he’ll insist on playing at 2 a.m.
Certain people can be really good at breaking one’s heart.
Pushing a truck off a cliff makes a really cool noise.
Never date a redhead.
Never let a horse jump on you.
If a horse you’re on keeps running into electric fences, it may not be the horse’s fault.
When running around in the middle of the night pretending to be burglars with your friends, do not be surprised when you are mistaken for actual burglars.
You can pry a nail out of your hand with a hammer, if highly motivated.
Falling off a 12’ retaining wall can indeed break your arm.
Even though you may not think your arm is broken from falling off a retaining wall, it should take less than three days to figure out that incredible pain and swelling might be an indicator.
Suing your neighbors isn’t fun.
Never trust a drunk.
It is possible to roll four wheelers.
Stay ahead of the game. When everything falls apart, at least you’ll have a chance.
There **are **spiders as big as your hand in Minnesota. They don’t look quite as cute and friendly as the normal sized ones. They look more evil and bloodthirsty.
Expect to have at least one mild concussion from learning how to wakeboard.
Being poor is overrated.
Throwing up out a window of a moving car in the winter only leads to frozen vomit spray on the outside.
It’s no fun to fall down a spear hole.
It is guaranteed that when bringing children to ice fishing contests, at least one child will fall down a hole.
Never stop trying, never give up, learn something new everyday. Have fun.
It hurts to lick the connector on a phone wire.
Don’t lick envelopes.
The only fun parts of a threesome are the stuff that happens during the actual encounter and the story you get to tell afterward. The rest is just nasty drama.
Most lubes taste terrible.
When hot girls hit on you, never refuse. Unlike boys, they only ask once.
Chicken and corn chowder doesn’t hurt too much going back out, but if you don’t have a sinus rinse, you’ll have corn stuck in your nose and sinuses for days. Blowing your nose and having corn kernels come out is not pleasant.
Never date anyone you met at the renaissance festival.
Any drink with the word “pucker” in it is sweet beyond words and will make you feel ill before you feel drunk.
:splort:
Never teach a kitten to sit on your shoulder. OUCH.
High FSH really can mean you’ll have a lousy response to the meds.
If she’s gossiping about other people to you, she’s probably gossiping about you.
Never spell an editor’s name wrong.
:eek: and I feel weird having fantasies involving Abe Sapien.
Miss a birth control pill, don’t have sex thinking, “I’ll take two in the morning.”
Small children and sharpened sticks do not mix. Especially after they have eaten several fire-toasted sugar puffs.
oh yes, this one is fun. You can also throw up just different flavors of Gatorade, which when you’re violently ill for a while, can provide some sort of twisted amusement.
Too true 
There is such a thing as trying too hard. And because you’re trying so hard, you don’t even notice you’re doing it.
Mildly - it usually doesn’t bother me, but sometimes it flares up. Plus, it was some pretty sharp pepper jack. The combination of stress, too much coffee, and too much cheese late at night wasn’t good.
Steel can get extremely hot and still look the same as cold steel. Use tongs.
Epidurals don’t always work (and they don’t warn you of that in advance).
I wish I didn’t know from experience…
What thorn trees feel like, after you go out of control into them on your bike.
That dogs, are, in fact, expressly adapted to chasing running creatures, and enjoy it, and that these creatures include humans.
That one’s greatest chances for getting laid and/or making a connection with another human being are in one’s twenties.
That they never tell you about the smell of hospitals for a reason.
That the degree of connection you have with someone has no bearing on whether or not they will die of cancer.
The people who are supposed to look after you do not always have your best interest at heart. Some people just want you to fail.
If it is found out that you have something worth stealing, someone will very likely steal it from you, just because they can.
Given the choice, people will believe rumor and innuendo rather than find out what the truth is.
The lower on a totem pole some people are, the more obnoxious they are. Bank presidents and statesmen and the famous often are more humble and genuine and graceful than your foreman or supervisor or salesperson or parent. This is a generalization, but it’s grounded in truth.
Concrete abutments in grocery store parking lots are often invisible at night, when you may be riding through the lot at a good clip on your bicycle. My ears are still ringing.
What a pilonidal cyst is. (It’s gone now, hooray for antibiotics.)
That dogs can stop on a dime to smell another dog’s droppings even when the dog is RUNNING next you while you are on your bicycle and have his leash wrapped around your wrist.
All racism aside, why? This one’s a little confusing.
You shouldn’t turn a blender on when you’re holding on to the blade.
Don’t use IcyHot on groin injuries.
Check which side of the razor blade your finger is pressed against before cutting.
Don’t wait to go to college.
You’re lucky! I had mine removed twice and earned the nickname ‘FrankenButt’.
I would love to have never heard the words ‘pilonidal’ and ‘tachycardia’.