I am gay because I don’t stick my dick in anything that moves
I am gay because I have standards
I am gay because I don’t like to watch sports
I am gay because I desire an intellecual woman and don’t care so much about looks
I am evil because I don’t adhere to mindless patriotism force fed to me
I am evil because I am an athiest
I am evil because I don’t like children
I am stupid because I bodybuild
I am stupid because I work in a factory
I am stupid because I have goals other than having nice things, rasing a family, and livng life as a couch potato
I ride horses. Everywhere. I have a hitching post attached to my desk.
I have cacti covering every available surface of my yard (nevermind that I live in the subtropics with a lovely hibiscus blooming on my patio).
I am required to talk funny. I have been commanded to bring out my “real voice.” Sure, just pull the cord on my back to hear gin-yew-iine tex-uhs tawwwwlk.
I eat barbeque and cream gravy for every meal, all washed down with Pace Picante sauce.
I wear cowboy boots and hat to every function. I have excessively large hair (I don’t own cowboy boots, but I will admit to the big hair).
I do like professional sports.
I don’t cook, ever. Let alone plan a dinner party.
I hate shopping of any kind.
I get my haircut at a barber shop, not a salon.
I like rock music.
I like muscle cars.
I like action movies.
I don’t give a flying flamingo if my hair gets wet, or messed up.
I’m a deluded fanatic who can’t tell the difference between fantasy and reality because I watch anime/star trek/star wars.
I’m gay because I make man-love jokes with my friends.
I must chain smoke because every time YOU see me, that is, once every other day around 16:00, I have a cigarette.
I want to nail everything with two X chromosomes because a good portion of the women I express attraction for don’t fit the general description of a “hot chick.”
I “have problems” because I said I was an atheist.
I must be on section 8, welfare, foodstamps because I am black
I must have 5 kids and 5 different baby daddies because i am black
I must be uneducated because I grew up on the poor side of town
I must be Yo yo g thuggin in da hizouse all the time because I am black
I must be completely ashamed of my heritage because I refer to myself as black instead of biracial>
I must know every black person in town, state, or nation, because I am black
Don’t quote me on this, but I believe it was one of Nelson Muntz’s comrades. The bald one with the white shirt, if I recall.
Also, apparently:
-I’m a conservative because I’m not rabidly anti-war with Iraq.
-I’m a conservative because I expressly dislike Communism.
-I’m self-righteous because I don’t drink or smoke.
-I’m a pervert because I’m a fan of Stanley Kubrick.
-I’m provincial because I’m from Texas.
-I’m a conservative because I’m from Texas.
-I must support George Bush because I’m from Texas.
-I, like YappingPoodle, must have a large Texas twang because I’m from Texas. A normal, unaccented voice simply must be a fake, don’t’cha know?
-I’m irrational because I’m a Christian.
-I’m evil because I “believe in evolution.”
The only thing I’ve learned from being around stupid people is to shut-up.
I don’t tell ‘em nothin’ about myself, otherwise many of the stereotypes listed above could be equally applied to me. However, because of my ‘reticence’, I have not been called anything derogratory…well, to my face anyway!
Mind you, when I say I am a single parent with four kids, I have noticed people mentally summing how many dads might have been involved. (Funnily enough, they’re often so brazen as to actually ask…once I was so astonished by the question, I answered, “I dunno…there were just soooo many”)
Pssst…by the way, just one dad, and we were even married and WANTED 4 kids, although there was some speculation about a fence-jumping dingo when the blonde one was born .
I am a communist
Because: I have a large collection of Russian history books, Soviet poetry, and literature.
Because: I traveled to russia and had a fantastic time
Because: I have two Ushackas (fuzzy hats) and a Soviet Overcoat
I am a braniac
Because: I have the largest collecetion of 17th and 18th century dutch theology books in North alabama Possibly the South eastern US
Because: I wear glasses.
Because: When I speak, I do not use a great deal of verbal pauses.
Because: I read two to three books a week and do not have cable
People rarely tell me much about myself, except the occasional odd comment about my vegetarianism, but whatever.
However, I am terribly fortunate in that someone in an IRC channel that is in no way affiliated with this message board once explained to me that I had a phobia I had never even heard of! Well, gee, thanks! I am, apparently, hoplopbic. This means I have an intense fear of guns. And all this time I thought I didn’t like guns because of the killing and maiming bit. So it’s good to know that it’s actually a psychological illness. All I need is a good psychologist, and soon I’ll be out shooting things like every other right-thinking American!
I have no clue how I survived that year in Israel, where I saw soldiers carrying big, um, rifley things every single day. It must have been sheer torture, although I seem to have repressed that part.
(learned from people in Japan)
Because I’m an American:
I’m Christian
I own guns
I do drugs
I can’t possibly use chopsticks
I can’t possibly speak a language other than English.
I’ve got a huge penis. (ok, I’ll let 'em believe that one.
(learned from another message board)
– I’m anti-Japanese because I don’t believe the Yakuza are Robin Hood-esque protectors of the common man.
– I’m a Japanese ultra-nationalist America-hater because I provided a Snopes cite debunking the ‘Twinkie Defense’ (yeah, I don’t get that one, either)
– I’m obviously a criminal because I don’t agree with the government’s plan to start a national fingerprint and personal info database (because honest people have nothing to hide, of course)
(from this thread (meant in jest, of course))
I bodybuild, so I’m apparently gay and stupid. (well, I’ll admit I was inspired to get started by how good my gay co-worker looks).
I’m un-patriotic because I disagree with the President
I’m a naive idealist because I want progress
My life has been a cakewalk because my parents have money
I’m a “wigger” because I relate to African-American culture
I’m gay because I get along well with little children and animals and my clothes usually match
My life isn’t meaningful because I’m an athiest
I’m a sellout because I believe in capitalism
I’m an alarmist because I want to decrease pollution and waste
I’m nuts because I believe in the possibility of a scientific utopia or apocalypse in my lifetime called the Singularity
I’m gay because I didn’t date during high school and wasn’t on the football team (actually I was on the curling team – Wait! maybe I am gay! I better tell my wife!).
I’m a homophobe because I was the only politically right-of-centre writer at the university newspaper.
I’m a drunk because my ancestry is Irish (mostly… on my dad’s side).
I’m a “fucking banana-head” because I insist on parking between the lines in a parking lot, even if that means squeezing up tight to a vehicle parked on the yellow line, jamming up the last two spaces in the lot.
(Funnily enough, they’re often so brazen as to actually ask…once I was so astonished by the question, I answered, “I dunno…there were just soooo many”)