Dread Pirate Jimbo, you left out that you’re a child-molester and a woman-beater because you’re a male. And you oppress people all the time because you’re white.
I’m obviously a health nut or a closet vegetarian or something because I actually like foods like black beans and tofu.
I’m cultured because I can operate chopsticks.
I’m a poseur because I eat sushi.
I smoke a lot of pot because… actually, I’m not sure how that idiot came up with that one.
I enjoy country music in the vein of Garth Brooks because I ride horses.
I’m a real brain because I own and maintain a saltwater aquarium.
I’m from California because of the music I listen to. 
I’m a lesbian because I lift weights.
Thank you, clueless people of the world, for letting me know more about myself!
I am gay because I can cook and do my own laundry.
I’m gay because I treat women like actual people.
I’m gay because I was single with no girlfriend at age 39. (I’m now 40 and married. Somethings change fast).
I’m evil / stupid / dangerous because my opinion on the matter is different from yours.
I’m a danger to children because I’m a man.
I’m a danger to women because I’m a man.
I’m a criminal thug because I’m a man.
Being a man, I clearly cannot be trusted by women and children. Like a kodiak bear, I may turn and eat them at any moment without warning.
I’m evil because I own guns.
I’m dangerous because I suffer from depression/anxiety.
I’m a danger to myself because I’m depressed and own guns.
I’m a danger to YOU because I’m mentally ill and own guns.
I’m wierd and/or insane because I know a lot about politics/science/technology/everything and actually have positions on obscure (meaning, something not on the front page of the newspaper) issues.
I’m a criminal who supports terrorists because I occasionally smoke pot.
I’m a dangerous criminal lunatic because I’m a mentally ill drug user who owns guns and knows too much.
I should clearly be executed before I can do any damage.
I’m lazy and stupid because I’m overweight.
I’m gay because I have short hair and dress a little funky.
I’m a bad mother because I work full time.
I’m stupid and un-educated because I’m from Louisiana.
I’m racist because I’m from Louisiana.
I’m racist because I’m from Massachusetts.
I’m a liberal snob because I’m from Massachustts. (OK, that one is true.)
I am unpatriotic because I despise the Shrub.
I must have something to hide because I oppose a national fingerprint database and/or a national ID card.
I must be stupid because:
- I loathe and fear John Ashcroft
- I believe black people are just people
- I believe all minorities are just people
I must be an atheist because I don’t believe gay people are doomed to hell. For that matter, I don’t believe in hell, so they might be right on this one.
I must be a communist because I don’t believe Hillary Clinton is evil.
I, too, am lucky because I work only part-time as a result of being laid off two years ago and being totally unable to find a job.
I am a cry baby because I believe my age mitigates against me in the labor market.
I haven’t been called gay yet, which means I probably am but hide it well.
You can’t be a bodybuilder, because
I’m a pervert because
I go to strip clubs
I buy pornographic magazines
I talk about sex in an open and frank manner
I’m interested in girls but not interested in dating
I’m single (see above)
I’m not obsessed about my appearances
On one of the major personality tests (MMPI, maybe? dunno) rejecting the Bible as an inerrant prophesy is a warning sign of depression.
Load up the Prozac, baby, I’m going down! 
My little list:
[ul]
[li]i’m going to rot in hell because I don’t believe in God. (idiot == my grandmother)[/li][li]I’m going to learn about racism (i.e., to accept it) when I get older. (idiot == my mother)[/li][li]Because my grandmother is Austrian (yes, the same one as before), I say G’day. (Yes. That has happened to me. Idiocy, in its purest form, has the power to render one silent.)[/li][li]I must have faith. (Various people, ignoring my protests. Note: It isn’t a desire, it’s a statement that is, to their addled minds, on par with ‘I must breathe oxygen.’ or ‘I must have skin.’)[/li][li]I don’t really like cities. I’ve been faking it all these years. (idiot == my dad, who grew up in … Chicago!)[/li][/ul]
Because I come from New Zealand I am a sheep-shagger.
I know this because theLoadedDog said so in the crocodile thread.
quote:
Originally posted by PunditLisa
I wonder if any tourists have been killed by a sheep?
Only tourists from New Zealand, but the sheep were all acquitted, given the circumstances.
Oh the things Aussies could learn about themselves if they listened to Kiwis 
I am overweight by a good amount. Therefore:[ul]
[li] I consider “all you can eat” a personal challenge.[/li][li] I want that super-duper sized.[/li][li] I do not know self-control or healthy living.[/li][li] I do not know good hygiene and sit in front of a computer masturbating to porn all day.[/li][li] I’m supposed to always be jolly and never show any other emotions.[/ul][/li]
I rejected my Catholic upbringing and now consider myself agnostic. Therefore:[ul]
[li] I am going to Hell.[/li][li] I am making Jesus cry because I don’t believe in Him.[/li][li] I am intolerant of every religion.[/li][li] I am evil because I’m one of those people who is trying to kick God out of the lives of everyone else.[/li][li] I do bad things to puppies.[/ul][/li]
I am a Republican. Therefore:[ul]
[li] I hate people of different skin colors than me and want to see them locked away in their own little areas so I never have to have contact with them.[/li][li] I am a rabid fundamental Christian who is trying to turn this country in the Jesus Utopia and Salad Bar.[/li][li] I hate homosexuals and want to mean things to them.[/li][li] I have a closet full of guns that I intend to hand out like lollipops to little kids.[/li][li] I think the United States is perfect and have a shrine in my bedroom dedicated to the president.[/ul][/li]
However, I’m obviously lying about being a Republican because:[ul]
[li] I believe in equal rights for all no matter the color of your skin, your sexual preference, your gender, your lifestyle, your religion (or lack thereof), etc.[/li][li] I don’t hate the Clintons or Democrats and can, on occassion, actually say something nice about them.[/li][li] I dislike and criticize the current administration.[/li][li] I don’t own any guns.[/ul][/li]
I don’t date. At all. Therefore:[ul]
[li] I lost my penis in an accident or something.[/li][li] I am gay or into an illegal form of sexual expression.[/li][li] I hate women.[/li][li] I am refusing to date solely to deprive my mother of grandchildren.[/li][li] I have a massive porn collection on my computer.[/ul][/li]
I obviously deal with a lot of idiots in the course of my day.
And this is an unfair assumption because?
I don’t believe in god or the devil, so, logically, I must be a Satanist.
I smoke marijuana, so :
-
I can get you some.
-
Anytime I forget anything ever, it’s because I smoke too much pot.
-
The contents of your refrigerator are in danger.
-
I have a top-of-the-line stereo, but my furniture is all second hand (okay, this one might be valid).
-
I also use cocaine and other hard drugs. (A beer-guzzling, but otherwise drug free co-worker simply wouldn’t believe me when I told him I had never touched the white stuff and never would.)
-
Nothing would please me more than to see your children toking doobies in the schoolyard at recess. Preferably, they should start small, but work their way up to methamphetamines by the fifth grade.
WOW who knew there were so many lesbian faggot satan worshiping fat lazy fanatical lunatics on this board???
oh yeah I am the devil because I told a door to door christan that I thought the devil wrote the bible and then quoted him stuff like the crusades, the salem witch trials, blatent prejudice against all other religeons, persecution of gays…you get the point, he was a bit pissed off to say the least, but I was giggling for hours after that.
my favorite so far has got to be “pussy eating faggot” but thats because I once pulled my tongue.
Hey, I don’t date, and I’ve got a huge porn collection on my computer!
(well, I’m married and my wife and I watch it together).
I’m still trying to wind my brain through the thicket of misconceptions that spawned “pussy-eating faggot”.
I must be gay because I had sex with a girl. (I’m male)
I must be gay because I am friends with some males.
I’m an atheist because I think animals have souls.
I’m a homophobe because my friend is and I don’t hate him.
I’m crazy because I was depressed.
I’m gay because I warned someone on AIM once. (he sent me the word “fag” 500 times)
I’m a troll because I ask questions.
I support school shootings because I can understand why they did it.
I’m a psycho because I know how to make a pipe bomb.
I’m an evil mysogynist because I don’t think rape is the worst thing that can happen to a woman.
I’m racist because I think black murderers should face the same penalty as white ones.
I’m racist because I don’t like rap.
I’m a pimp because I’ve gone out with a few girls.
I’m evil and unChristian because I’m not a virgin.
I’m evil because I laugh at disgusting pictures instead of being horrified.
I’m insensitive because I don’t cry like a baby every time a tragedy happens around the world.
I’m a redneck because I’m from North Carolina.
I’m a pedophile because I’m friends with a 13 year old girl (I’m 16).
About the large porn collection thing:
It’s misconception and annoying. Some of my friends and my roommate’s friends are so sure I have one that they’ll get onto my computers when I’m not around and try to find the secret hidden porn folder. There’s just something rude about it, and they can’t quite connect that searching my hard drives leads to be getting upset.
I’m gay because I’m not an asshole
I’m depressed cause I don’t talk very much
I’m a satanic murderer because I wear black alot
I’m very gay because I like to wear shorts
I’m an idiot because I like to work out.
You probably didn’t get the memo about your family. It happens all the time.
I’ve killed another thread!
I thought it was NASCAR that made you a slack-jawed yokel…isn’t indy racing sort of middle of the road, while only true sophisticates, who also enjoy wine-tasting and caviar watch Formula 1? haha
Oh, well, can’t argue with that one!