Sure, sure–you’ve got time to raise the dead and heal the blind, but do you ever come to visit your mother?
Peter’s a nice boy, but I don’t trust that sneaky Judas. He’ll come to no good end.
Take your sandals off, they’re soaking. Have you been walking through water?
Now, when we get to the temple, don’t make a fuss again. The money changers are just trying to make a living.
“Who died and made you God?”
Why is it that everytime I give you a handful of peanuts they end up on the floor?
Oh, yeah, sure, I believe you! Everyone has a prostitute for a friend that they just talk to!
Next time you see that Father of yours, ask Him where my child support check is!
I don’t know how you can love that dead-beat father of yours, 18 years and not a single child support check!
I know you miss Fluffy, but I am not digging her back up!
First you run off, then you start flappin your yapper at church to all the elders, then it’s OUR fault for not understanding???..I swear, we can’t take you ANYWHERE!
Son, now that my dear husband Joseph has died, I think you should know…he wasn’t your real father.
Would you stop that? Haven’t you learned that crawling on water makes the Baby Jesus cry?
Honey, the Hendersons from across the street asked me if you could cater their wedding in a month or too…something about being incredibly economical.
Just wanted to let you know that friend of yours, I think his name was Judas, kept coming around and asking me where you were going to be on Thursday night. Said he had some kind of suprise for you.
Typical. I let you you go to a party on a school night with all your friends, and the next morning I wake up to hear you’ve been arrested and sentenced to death.
Oh, sure, go out and save the world, I’ll be fine.
“Premarital what?”
This has the most ;j !
Oh, the trouble I went through to give birth to you.
Oh, it fine for you, having a halo all the time. I can’t do anything with my hair.
And I’m getting really tired of everybody calling me immaculate. Do you know how hard it is to keep up appearances? Our floor is dirt. I can never get it clean enough.
My boy stick with the carpentery, no-one is going to pay you to be a messiah.
(I wonder if Jesus ever spouted off to Joseph, “I don’t have to listen to you-you’re not my REAL dad!”)
I don’t care WHAT the apostles are doing-if everyone else got themselves nailed to a tree, would you?
Pick me up a Big Mac and fries on your way home, will you?
Mary: “Damn it! Get in here!”
Our Lord and Saviour: “But, Mom! I’m Jesus Christ!”
There’s always room for Jello pudding!
I know, I know. Go to bed…
You know, your father brought you into this world, and he can take you out.
Sure, you can go swimming with your friends but don’t get your clothes wet.
Some friends invited you over for dinner. Don’t be late, and don’t be such a pig this time. It’s not like it’ll be your last.
Go to hell!