You seem really angry and bitter. Just sayin.
Buy anything on credit. I’ve never even owned a credit card.
I don’t: drink coffee, shower daily, eat sweets (not even dessert,) buy new clothes (LOVE Good Will and St. Vincent’s,) know how to apply make-up or “do” my hair very well, put “product” in my air, eat sweet oatmeal (savory, only,) enjoy driving, balance my checkbook, enjoy talking on the phone.
Look up! You might catch my joke…
I got it, at least.
Hah! It took me a bit, but I got it. 
Or a house apparently. 
I thought you didn’t get the dumb obvious joke.
I don’t think there’s going to be much originality here, but here it goes. I don’t follow most sports (only football, and even then very casually). I don’t go to parties with a lot of people. I don’t watch a lot of TV shows people seem to love. I don’t play competitive multiplayer games. I don’t tweet. I don’t jump into pools. I don’t smoke weed. I don’t own a car. I don’t hate politics, or the government.
I don’t get it. 
Back to the topic, I don’t drink tea, coffee or hot drinks of any kind. I don’t like the taste of tea or coffee and I don’t want to drink the calories in hot chocolate. It’s quite embarassing when you’re at a dinner party and the host is counting up teas and coffee and you have to go through the spiel…
“Tea or coffee?”
“Neither for me, thanks.”
“Something else then?”
“No, I’m fine thanks.”
“Hot chocolate?”
“No, I’m fine thanks.”
“Nothing at all then?”
“That’s right.”
“Don’t you want anything?”
“No, I’m fine thanks.”
“Really? Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Do you not like tea? Coffee perhaps?”
“I don’t like tea or coffee, I’m fine thanks.”
“You don’t like tea OR coffee? I’ve never heard of that!”
“Well, now you have.”
“A hot chocolate then? I’m sure I could find something in the cupboard.”
“No, really, I’m fine thanks. Nothing for me.”
“Don’t you drink any hot drinks?”
“No, I don’t.”
“You’re weird.”
“Thank you.”
Sounds like a Monty Python sketch to me 
I see you that and raise you a I almost never have the impulse to make or receive phone calls ever.
I’ve also never written a check, driven a car, or been out of the country. And I haven’t read a newspaper, seen the news, or owned a TV/radio/CDs for the last 10-15 years.
“Venezuelan Beaver Coffee?”
“Not today, sir, no.”
I will go along with making cell phone calls, but with a twist. I almost never have the impulse to make or receive **conversational **phone calls when I’m away from my home or office.
The reason I have a cell phone and use it is to make informational calls. Like “Honey, can you get junior and meet me at the xyz store, we need to pick out an ABC together.” Or “I am totally lost Mr. I-don’t-give-clear-directions. Where is your house again? Walk me through this.”
What seems strange to me is trying to operate your normal life while chatting on a moble phone about what Suzy said yesterday at the party.
…its a whooosh.
I never shave at a sink or in front of a mirror.
I am not sure why, but I find all of that really appealing and I am actually a little jealous.
I never would have thought so, but I must be the most normal person on the SDMB, because I regularly do practically everything that everybody has mentioned so far, with a couple of very small exceptions (such as not liking bell peppers).
Ok, here’s one, I guess: I’ve never so much as taken a single puff of a cigarette, cigar, or any other smoking material, nor have I ever had any desire to do so. I don’t think that makes me terribly unusual, but I would think most people have at least tried it once.
I guess you’re not married.
I check my mail AT MOST once a week. It often goes two weeks or more without being checked.
To be honest, I don’t understand why Canada Post delivers every weekday.
Man, checking my mail is often one of the highlights of my day. I still get a lot of “real” mail – magazines, greeting cards, bills, and even checks.