Hmmm…probably just waiting till the right time of day, rolling out your prayer mat and facing Mecca would make them nervous.
Think they’d actually ask you to stop?
Well, saying to any guard “Hey, I bet MY gun is bigger than yours!” is a bad idea…
Or claiming you could shoot the president from 100 yards away…
Or claiming that you are a messenger from God, here to tell everyone that you’re supposed to send them all to hell…
Or pull out a beret with a hammer and scythe on it, and start screaming “Tvo Tvoyu Maht!” and calling everyone “comrade”…
I don’t know how bad it would be to start claiming you gave the presdident a blowjob…
Or saying, “Hey, those confidential photos I hacked WERE accurate!”
Naw. They’d just direct you to the support group.
Hey!!! Guard…I once performed anulingus on a Golden Retriever.
Can I see one of those 600 dollar hammers?
Are there security cameras in the bathroom? Cuz I just sprayed about a gallon of my seed all over the mirror.
“I am Cornholio! Are you threatening me?”
Sorry, that was the White House, wasn’t it?
ROTLMAO @ DRY and Jimmy Nipples…
Actually, I think if you claimed you gave Clinton a blowjob, they’d send out a car for you…to take you to a “private” place…hehehe…
hey, uh, i’ve got this u-haul full of fertilizer parked out in the loading zone. it’s not gonna get towed is it?
So, Mr Five-Star-General, where do you keep all the nukes?
Is it true that a pentagon-shaped structure is better suited to withstand a nuclear explosion?
How many toilets do you have here? What is your toilet to ass ratio?
I heard that you recycle farts and use them on the ventilation system. Is that right? Hey, what’s that smell? 
Yoda or Yogurt? A dilemma for the ages.
How odd. My .357 Magnum didn’t set off the metal detector.
I hear you spend billions of dollars on such sophisticated delivery systems as Air Launch Cruise Missiles (ALCM), Tomohawk, Advanced Land Attack Missiles (ALAM), JASSM, JDAM, LASM, Patriot, National Missile Defense (NMD), etc.
Considering that a little guy from Colombia can swallow an ounce of heroin in a plastic bag and easily transport it, what would stop anyone to bring a small dose of NBC (Nuclear, Biological, Chemical) agent into this country and use a junkyard vehicle to deliver it to any target, including our water system? What is the return on investment (ROI) of your billions of dollars on those sophisticated delivery systems?
What about diverting those billions of dollars into the welfare of those Colombians, so that they have better things to do in life than using an old Pinto as their delivery vehicle against us who blindly pour our tax money into Pentagon?
What does “C4” stand for? I only ask because I just saw a couple of guys out back carrying around some boxes with C4 written on the outside. Funny, the weather seemed awfully warm for them to be wearing ski masks.
Hypothetically speaking, if I happened to “find” a laptop computer in a dumpster behind your building, can I keep it?
Friend, do you currently subscribe to Watchtower? (This is inappropriate almost everywhere.)
Six hundred dollar toilet, huh? Couldn’t even handle those 99-cent burritos I had last night! I demand a bigger tax refund!
Good thing you can’t ask, because I’d hate to tell you what I saw the Joint Chiefs of Staff doing in the john.