I meant for this to be the last thread I started before my daughter was born. Time flies.
One exercise we did in childbirth classes was come up with lists of the best and worst things a birth partner (usually the father) could say to a laboring mom. Some of them were serious, but the best were sort of funny:
“Are you done yet?”
“Do we get ESPN here?”
“Do you think it’ll take much longer? Denny’s closes in an hour.”
“Can you hold on a minute while I go check my email?”
After class, my wife and I were trying to do better. Our current favorite:
“Check it out! We get the sexy nurse!”
Anyone else have any suggestions?
(And for the record, my wife says I said all the right things. Kept that sexy nurse observation to myself, I did.)
“Wow, you are really going to be loose after this!”
“Can I just come back tomorrow when all this is over?”
“I hope the kid looks just like my mom!”
“Oh good grief, you act like it’s so painful. Suck it up!”
My friend actually said this to the doctor when his wife was about to request some anesthesia:
“I don’t think she’ll need the epidural.”
Somehow they’re still married.
Other ones:
“I’d love to stick around, but I promised the boys I’d meet up with them to watch the game. Just call me when it’s almost time for the baby to come out.”
My son was born in a hospital that lets the babies stay in the same room as the mothers. After the labor was finished the nurse explained that visiting hours didn’t apply to new dads and he could stay in the room with us. My (now ex-) husband thanked her and declined. “I think I’ll go home,” he said “I’m kinda tired.”
It doesn’t directly addres the OP but I wouldn’t quite call it a hijack, either.
Okay, this makes me want to kick my husband in the balls because, nice as he is usually, he was a real shit at the time.
Five minutes into our walk in the walking hall: “This isn’t doing any good. Lets go back to the room!” and he headed back. Oh, on his way he had a fight with a soda machine .
“I’m hungry”
“I’m thirsty”
“I’m tired”
“I’m cold”
“Can you believe the flavored coffee is $1.15?”
“The cafeteria was closed so I’m going to Dunkin’ Donuts.”
“The line was too long at Dunkin’ Donuts but I’m still hungry and thirsty.”
Our son is 6 3/4 and, obviously, I’m still not over it.
“She made a little poo!!! What will we name our poo honey?”
I don’t know if my leg got pulled but one of my friends told me that when his niece was born his brother-in-law said, “aww, you smell just like your mommy’s pussy!”
If they have her hooked up to a monitor, when she’s having a contraction and the little graph thingy is spiking, go “ohh, good one!”…or generally be paying attention to the monitor and not her.
I didn’t do that, myself, honest. However, I was a bit nervous and kept having to go to the bathroom, which annoyed my wife.