Wow, those stirrups are a great look for you, I’m sportin’ a little wood!
“At your cervix!”
My son’s father did say this to me while I was in labor with our second son. He came back an hour and a half later. I was only in labor for 3 hours.
I guess the husband of the woman in the labor room with me felt bad for me being all alone. Every time I had a contraction he’d offer me words of support and comfort from across the room and behind a curtain. I was very thankful.
Trust me, when my wife farts nobody’s laughing.
Congratulations! You are fully dialated. You may now give birth.
I spy with my little eye something that begins with V.
Are you sure we can’t name him Lynard Skynnard?
“Hon, when was the last time you waxed down here?”
“Hey, you really DO have hemorrhoids”
A few from my husband:
“Honey, meet my friend Steve. His wife is here, too, so I thought you’d want to say hello.”
“The cafeteria food sucks, so I’m going to run down to Burger King for a bite.”
“That lady down the hall is done already. Why are you so slow?”
and after 26 hours of labor and pushing for three hours:
“Dammit, you can do better than that! You’re not even trying!”
From my husband: “What is that??”
Doctor: “That’s the head!”
Husband: “Oh. Ew.”
I fell asleep while Mrs. Evil Captor was in labor, thus avoiding making gaffe-like remarks. They did wake me up when they finally decided to induce delivery (it was a long labor and the kid just wouldn’t descend.) After the birth, they were cleaning her out and sending the remains down clear plastic suction hoses. I couldn’t resist – as one bit of stuff flowed through the hose, I said, “Was that a kidney?”
This thread needs to be published and distributed immediately. I’m sad to say that there are a couple (just a couple, honest!) of things in here that I wouldn’t have thought were all that bad, but now I know.
On a personal note, I’m sure my wife isn’t interested in having kids because she probably thinks that I’d run down to the bowling alley for a few while she was in labor. I have no idea where she’d get that idea from, either.
My father-in-law remarked that it was a nice day to play golf when my husband was born.
My aunt was in labor and the nurse had a student helping. He attached the monitor to her and as she was in a lot of pain from a big contraction, he scoffed and told her that it was just a tiny one, and not that bad. Then the nurse came in, told him he had hooked it up wrong and reattached it, causing the monitor to spike way up. The student was suitably embarrassed.
My husband was pretty great when I gave birth but he did fall asleep a few times and did not seem very excited when I woke him up to announce that my water had broken. picunurse, I had issues with people telling me ‘just one more push’ too. Or they would count for me and slow way down at the end 4,5,6…7…8… I would stop when in my own head I hit 10 :).
Well if it’s league night …
I mean, come on, your buddies are countin’ on you and you get that -10 pins for a Blind score if the league even allows blind scores.
Apropos, one of the Google Ads is for
snicker
And grossly inappropriately, it’s now for:
Free “A Severed Head”
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:eek:
And now it’s
WTF? 
A man’s got to have his priorities, Bosda.
Maybe hubby could bring pom poms and cheer her on:
Push him out! Push him out! Waaaaaaaaay out!
Or you could tell her, “Hey! I’d have been fine with a puppy. But no, Someone just had to have a baby!”
Husband: “I know, but isn’t there supposed to be skin on it?”
Not to mention the fact that I’ve got to pay league fees whether I show up or not. I wouldn’t want to set a bad example for the new family member by throwing money away, now would I?
That’s just contemptible. And yet I laugh.
Wow! I never thought you’d get you naked on all fours in a room full of strangers!
That one got me in trouble even when mentioned days later, so I can only imagine the reaction during the moment.