I think most of these you’d be ok saying out loud. I might not be capable of saying the hippopotamus one out loud.
Horse legs below the knee are middle fingers.
The universe is 92% hydrogen and 8% helium. When you look around and see anything else, it’s just a rounding error.
But don’t take it personally.
What about Thanos? Moff Tarkin?
I love your new haircut.
I prefer the Folly of enthusiasm to the indifference of wisdom.
I shouldn’t say that, but Anatole France did.
I’m Spartafish! And so’s my wife!
Albert Fish was not a fish.
Some types of pearlfish prefer to make their home in the anus of a sea cucumber.
–The fish that lives in a sea cucumber anus - Australian Geographic
Declaring a baby’s death SIDS when they were co-sleeping with mom and/or dad is usually a kind fiction to avoid saying outright that their parent or poorly chosen bedding suffocated him/her.
There are NO white people in the bible.
…
Palestinian: “Well, what did the romans gave us?” Besides some white characters?
Well, other than albinos there are no white people at all. 
Semitic people are Caucasian. Although many of those terms are outdated.
“Those pants make your butt look big.”
“It ain’t the pants, baby. It ain’t the pants.”
Everything on earth, no matter how hard or how dense, is mostly empty space.
Even worse.
Men- there is no good answer to the (largely hypothetical) question “Do you think I would have made a good prostitute?” Change the subject, ask her what she thinks, anything.
“And your butt isn’t doing those pants any favors either.”
You only have about two minutes to live, but every time you take a breath you reset the timer.
Your teeth are your only bones that you regularly lick
Tonight, somebody is going to go to sleep for the last time
The tallest person alive has, at some point, been the same height as every other living person
Babysitters are usually teenagers who try to behave like adults so that adults can go out and try to behave like teenagers
A morgue worker who dies still has to go to work one last time
If everybody blinked at the same time, we’d never know
I often ask, “Who cut your hair?”
I guess I sound assy asking it.
The Lil’wrekker always tells me, that is rude.
I’m not sure why.
She’s a Nazi about things people say to each other. And she’s very verbal and rude. I tell her every time she does it.
I think me and her are at odds with each other at the moment.
I still wuv her, my widdle baby. But she’s been talking since she was 10mos. old. And she often fills in for me when my vocals are rebelling. I think I’m just tired of it all.