Things that change you

I dont know is this the right Forum for this, but Ive posted it here anyway.

Ever had something happen to you, however indirectly, to make you completely change your thinking on certain issues? Or to change your behaviour towards people that you know, those you consider to be friends anyway?

When I was about 15 or 16, some 6 years ago, I had a friend who tried to kill herself, well apparently she tried, it was a touchy subject and the full story never came out, I just know she got herself some counseling and all was well. Anyway not long after that myself and some friends of mine at the time were talking, about suicide and the effects of it on people, and we basically came to the common consensus that its pretty selfish. Now like I said I was 15 or 16 at the time, and a lot less mature then I am now, but never having a reason to think about it my opinions on suicide were pretty much the same.

That changed yesterday. Yesterday I went to work like it was any normal day, and while just doing my work, I walked passed two colleagues and heard one say to the other something like “my heart is still up in my throat over so&so”. When I heard that I thought maybe he had an accident or something, but being in the middle of something, and not knowing the guy very well I didnt ask any questions. About a half hour later I ended up talking to the two women and one of them made some comment about it being a terrible day and I just asked Why, whats up? And then I got told. A guy who used to work with us, killed himself the night before.

So now I no longer believe it to be selfish. I dont know how to see it other then tragic, the guy was 18 years old and had his whole life ahead of him.

Just for the sake of clarity, I feel I should add, that the guy worked with us twice, once for a period of about five months, the other for about four, with maybe a six month gap in between. Like I said I didnt know him well, but I knew him enough to say hi, and enough to know a lot of his friends to say hi too as well (granted a lot of them work or worked there to).

I dont understand it either, you know the way sometimes, maybe if you were asked if you knew someone who might be suicidal, possibly you could think of a few names, one at least. I could anyway. But this guy, this guy would have been last on anyones lists, including his best friends, male and female. I guess it just shows how he hid his feelings, its a pity, he was liked by everyone, he could have told someone how he felt. I just dont understand it at all.

Does anyone?

Im going to wrap this up now, but one last thing, if anyone feels this way, talk to someone, anyone, but tell someone how you feel…