I’m still waiting for evilbeth to explain how “respect” and “equality” are mutually exclusive.
I’m not proud of being an (occasional) bitch. I’m deeply ashamed of it. It’s a big black evil stain of sin on me. I deserve to suffer for it.
I am trying hard to stop being a bitch. My ambition is to be a human being. My efforts have produced quite a lot of success so far. I’m a much nicer person than I used to be. I hardly yell at my partner at all and I want to keep up the progress so that pretty soon I don’t act like a bitch at all.
I don’t have children, and I won’t have them until I can be sure that I’m not a bitch. I’m terrified of what I might say to them. That thought has kept me awake at night in the past.
I don’t consider it acceptable behaviour. I feel very guilty about it. This whole thread has made me feel guilty and despondent at times, but I deserve to suffer, so it’s OK. I asked my partner to read the thread through with me. He said some interesting things. He pointed out that he does often tell me to stop when I yell at him - not in a “Woman, your behaviour falls below acceptable standards” way, but just “Don’t yell at me, Tansu, it’s not fair.” Then later on he says sorry for annoying me, but that’s in the time when we both apologise to each other and talk the incident through and try to learn from it and build our relationship (So, Freedom, you were right in a way and I was right in a way.). He said that if I worried that he was an enabling victim, then I underestimated his ability to stand up for himself - and said that he always lets me know if I’ve hurt him.
The other thing that my partner has said before is that I get bitchy when I’m scared, or when I feel under a lot of pressure to get things right. So, for example, when I’ve taken some work home, and I have to get it right or the project will fail and my team mates will all be able to point the finger at me as the one who made it fail - and my partner gives me some advice on what I should do - then I might bite his head off. I’ll have construed it as him telling me that I’m doing it wrong, and doing things wrong means failure, punishment and ostracism. Then I realise that I was in the wrong, or he tells me that he was only trying to help, and I apologise.
Manda JO said some things about this in one of her posts.
something she said to AWB
I think that’s a very good point. I don’t know if that excuses our/my behaviour, because I’m not too sure if I believe in excuses.
I was brought up to be nice - but I also got the impression during my childhood that failure was something to be terrified of. I’m learning to take the ups and downs of life more in my stride. Once upon a time I would have flipped out at myself over a broken egg in the frying pan. Now it’s just a broken egg. No sweat.
I treat myself worse than anyone else. The (now rare) bitch-times are when I flip and start applying my impossible internal standards to other people. Normally I’m far far more forgiving of other people than I am of myself. The internal hell-hound monologue lies dormant for the most part (another sign of progress on the road to full sanity), but when I feel I’ve failed I bitch myself out terribly. Sometimes the internal monologue gets out, and that’s when I turn into a bitch to others. None of that is healthy.
My real long term ambition is not to bitch myself or anyone else out - to totally get rid of it.
dewt, you mention
You’re right, that’s what it takes. I’m making those efforts, and my partner is helping me by letting me know when I’m getting things right. I’m going to keep on trying. This thread, and your harsh (but fair) comments have helped me to realise that I still have a way to go. My partner’s input has helped me to realise that I can make it.
Good for you! I think you might find that your life and marriage will benefit greatly from the effort alone. Your eventual and gradual success will be the icing on the cake.
It’s good to see that you can acknowledge your problem, and not brag about it. 
My advice (and it may be wrong but)
DO HER! DO HER HARD! RIP HER CLOTHES OFF AND DO HER TILL ONE OF YOU PASSES OUT AND IT BETTER BE HER OR THEN YOU’LL BE IN BIG TROUBLE.
You think not getting any only makes you cranky?
DO HER!
There is nothing that annoys me more than someone who has no insight into a topic and posts nonetheless with various cliches that advance childish views of said topic.
K-Web Catalyst:
You can’t live with, can’t live without them? Another curveball? Quite illuminating.
Hmmmm…thanks for your insights on my posts, but I don’t see you posting anything worth reading in this OP.
You wanna see childish posts check out your own…
That’s not a childish view, one fight and it’s off to a shrink or off to a divorce. You took one event and blew it to the extreme that he and his wife have severe communication problems. That’s like being seven years old all over again, get in one fight with your best friend, and out comes the biggest insult, “You’re not coming to my Birthday Party.” People can work through minor rough spots without a third-party convincing them they are a bad couple.
Furthermore you pick on my post not providing anything of interest to the OP, just because someone else already jumped on my back for what I said, saying it promoted an “Us vs. Them” attitude, but you avoid making such attacks on others.
Doesn’t this promote the same sentiments as my comment? That men to women, and women to men may never work out? Instead you just look at mine.
How about this one…
That’s not childish? That’s illuminating? I think not, but hey your obviously higher intellect allows you the right to choose what is worthy of being attacked.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by K-Web Catalyst *
**
Funny guy. First of all, I said nothing about going to a shrink or getting a divorce. However, a good marriage counselor wouldn’t be a bad idea if you’ve exhausted all other efforts to reestablish communication. Sometimes a third party can make you realize the pitfalls of marriage. And I believe divorce is a horrible situation, especially if children are involved.
My point was that he actually slept in another part of the house and his wife didn’t even want him to do that. Don’t you think that’s a severe communication problem? I happen to. It’s cause for alarm when two people can’t tell each other what they really want.
Of course, your reply shows that you could use some work with your communication, i.e. paying attention to what I actually said instead of implying what I meant. I would expect better of you after having blasting a previous poster for allegedly doing the same thing.
And, no, nobody else in this thread annoyed me but you. :wally