I can’t help it, every time I hear the Neil Sedaka song Solitaire – no matter who’s singing it, I think that it just has to be about masturbation. I look on Songfacts and read all this noise about how heartfelt it is, and deeply moving and all about some guy locked into his own private world that he can control, at the expense of having any love in his life - and all I hear is some guy that is too geeky to have a woman, so he sits around and plays Solitaire. Solitaire of course being code for a one-handed game, get it?
We just re-did all our Comcast stuff, and now we have every premium channel for a year. I’ve heard the talk, now I’ve seen my first late night Cinemax almost but not quite porn-like movies. Now, I generally like my women to have something between their ears. Cute and stupid does nothing for me unless it’s exceptionally cute, in which case get out of my way, I saw her first. And while there are some positively skanky looking women there, I’ve seen a couple that are in fact - edible. And clearly dumber than bricks, because they’re not playing the dumb chick, they’re trying to play the studio executive or lawyer or something, so you know she really IS that vacant, but regardless of the fact that she’s not my type, I like her and want her right then exactly for her vapidity. I wants me some brainless babes.
At a previous job, I occasionally took a morning break sitting where commuters were getting off the train on their way to work. Literally thousands every morning. In 20 minutes, 4-5 trainloads of them walking by my little perch. I’m a people watcher - almost a pro in fact. I’d play games with myself each day. One day would be Unfortunate Hair day. Another would be I’m a Pompous Ass day, when I’d spot the pompous asses as they went by. But, for some reason my favorite was Did She This Morning? Everyone would file by and I’d try to guess to myself if a woman did or didn’t have herself some morning nookie. Not the men, only the women.
I probably have more reasons that I’m a sick bastard, but I’m getting a little squicky thinking of them. I think I need to go wash off.