That reminds me of my friends son in-law and the riding mower. Her house was at the lower end of a steep hill and the asphalt road ran by her house the whole length of the hill and then intersected the main road perpendicular to it. After the intersection was trees and such. He was at the top of the hill and riding it down the road to her house. The gear box failed and the mower went into free wheeling mode… The mower went faster reguardless of the brakes. It was on the verge of shaking apart or flipping as he got to her house, and he lept onto the lawn and tried to roll. He had some nasty buises and strains. The mower continued down the road , through the intersection, and into the trees. The mower never ran again. It was a pile of mashed parts against a tree. Never ride a riding lawn mower down a road on a steep hill, because the brakes won’t stop you when the gear box fails.
It’s also called cajeta in the hispanic foods section of the supermarket. I buy these to make bannoffee pie. No pesky exploding can to worry about.
Oh man. I totally read that as “never brush a cat with a chain saw”
Which I would agree with, but boy would I not want to hear the story of why you know that!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Savannah
I tried the trick of the shallow plate of fresh coffee, which worked!
I read on here that a way to defunkify a smelly situation is to use fresh coffee grounds (unbrewed, not the wet grounds from the coffee maker) in a shallow, open container. The coffee absorbs a lot of odour, due to um… something in the coffee being absorbant. Yeah.
Anyway, it worked for the godawful stench of cooked soap and plastic, and that was a combination that was thoroughly cooked into Mr. Microwave.
Teeheee!
Friend of mine, BIG guy, martial artist, paratrooper, now fights other guys in cages for money. Sat down in a bar in Ibiza, and in no time 2 girls sidle up to him, all friendly like, and even buy him a drink. Woke up still sitting at the bar, wallet gone, credit cards maxed out. Apparently the girls had “spiked” his drink with some kind of date rape drug.
That’s his story anyway, he sort of chuckled sheepishly about it but none of us dared to laugh at him. 
I’ll third, fourth, fifth or whatever we’re up to now on this one…
My contributions.
Never try to separate a cat fight by hand.
When a tree has fallen and pinned the phone line to the ground, do not be leaning over said line when you cut it free.
** I can fly!! **
Don’t blow on sterno to put it out. Quite some time ago, I worked in a chinese restaurant as a bartender. One of the pupu platters miniature braziers was still burning when I took it to the kitchen. I didn’t realize that they weren’t like candles and had sterno in them, so I blew it out.
Or tried to. The really bad part is that when it flared up, I just thought I’d not blown hard enough, so I tried it again. (where’s the blondie smilie when you need it?).
Don’t get too excited when you get your three-month electricity account and find it is just a quarter of the cost of the last bill. It’s not a godsend, it’s a bloody mistake on the part of the meter-reader, duh. 
Are we talking about a cat fight involving pet felines, or the “Bitch, my man ain’t yo baby’s daddy!” kind?
I’d wager either. 
Don’t you just love a clearly phrased ambiguity??
The story was great already but this was just the capper.
For me -
Never, not even for a “few minutes”, leave a plastic container of any sort on a burner. You will certainly turn the heat on the wrong burner and walk away, resulting in a melted plasticy mess.
You know when they say don’t toast your English muffins with the butter already on? Don’t. Do it.
If something doesn’t come away gently, the solution is not to tug on it harder.
Oh, and they mean it when they say “Cut away from yourself” when using a box cutter.
There is even a name for that technique… “el beso del sueño”, kiss of dreams.
But my two guys didn’t need no spiking.
Mmm, Nava - The drunken idiot’s perfect companion!
OK, that didn’t come out right…
That reminds me of an event that happened to a co-worker’s wife on a camping vacation - they had one of those aluminum pails of citronella candle, and she put out the flame by blowing it out after it had been burning a long time. She got third degree burns from the melted wax hitting the hot aluminum side of the pail and being blown right back into her face. :eek:
Last I heard, they were suing the manufacturer’s to put warnings on aluminum pail candles to not blow them out - they must be extinguished by smothering, not blowing.
And I second not breaking up fighting cats by hand. Don’t even get near an excited cat, if you can help it. Your sweet little baby going nutso isn’t going to distinguish between mommy’s hand and the object of their wrath.
That’s an old detective trick, for working in a room with a long-dead body. Works great!
Never try to catch a falling knife.
I still don’t have feeling in my pinky on my right hand from that little lesson. The scar is pretty cool, though.
Another ‘took a nap while cooking’ tale. I left 8 or so eggs on the stove to boil. when I woke up, there was only about an inch of water (brown sludge) in the pot, the eggs had been resting on the bottom for some time. Some had ruptured and exploded, there was dried yolk and white all around and it made the most goddaweful stench. I threw all the doors open despite it being january, and after a few hours the house only smelled slightly of eggs and was a few degrees below 0.
I will second the "don’t douse hot Pyrex with cold water” on my wife’s behalf. She did this in a rush one morning while making breakfast. The dish shattered with such force that I was finding glass shards 15 feet away. It was in the sink when it broke. If you are the victim of this calamity, remember a shop vac is your best bet to get the glass out of your disposal.
I will add:
Never test to see if your iron is hot with your face. Unless of course you don’t mind spending several days explaining to everyone you meet, why you have the curve of an iron and several steam holes branded on your cheek and forehead. Luckily I heal quickly and don’t scar easily.
What was wrong with your finger, or your hand???