Also from Police Squad:
Leslie Nielsen offers someone a smoke: “Cigarette?”
“Yes, I know.”
When you unobtrusively notice someone about to enter a room where several people are chatting. Then, right when the person (let’s call him Mark) enters, you pretend you haven’t seen him and announce angrily to everyone, “I don’t care what you say about Mark! I think he’s a nice guy!” If you execute it just right you can upset everyone in the room along with Mark. Fun times!
scout1222, yeah, I’m rinni on LJ land as well! My journal isn’t very funny lately, but hopefully it’ll grow back. And may I add that I’m tickled that you even asked? Hee!
I just thought of another thing that won’t stop being funny to me any time soon. Every time I get the hiccups, which is all the damn time by the way, my boyfriend will try to scare me out of them. But he never uses any real method… he just yells randomly and suddenly. The beginning of the yell is always strong, but he doesn’t pay attention to it once it starts and it trails off at the end, like “AOOOOOOHHhhhhhhhhhh!” The whole thing lasts about a second, but the sound of the yell trailing off combined with the fact that he does the same thing EVERY DAMN TIME and it never works always cracks me up. Once, though, it did crack me up so hard that I stopped hiccupping, so maybe that was his motive all along!
Oh, and the fact that he insists that hiccupping should be called “hiccing up”. Haha. If he hiccups, he’ll say, “I hicced up!”
And in a semi-related manner, watch as someone is smiling at someone else who is leaving. If the leaving person turns around to walk away, the remaining person will be standing there smiling at the back of someone’s head for a second, and then the smile will naturally fade. I think seeing the reverse progression of this facial expression is hilarious and often have to leave to stifle giggles.
I think I’m pretty much always laughing at something.
DeVena, when I clicked on your link and was waiting for it to load, I noticed the title bar and said OUT LOUD “oh man, this is gonna be AWESOME.” The look on his face is priceless.
A dude on a different message board has an avatar that cracks me up non stop…
Me too.
So far nothing has been able to diminish Dave Chapelle’s take on Li’l John for me. I still laugh at it on TV, and whenever I get a chance to do it in person or see somebody else do it, I crack up. I think it’s a tribute to Chapelle that he gets so much mileage out of “Yay-uh” and “H-What!?”… and I don’t know anything about the rapper either. Doesn’t seem to matter.
This might be a “you had to be there” moment, but here goes.
I was building a brick patio in our back yard, sitting on the ground messing with some sand and my then 8yo daughter was watching. A bug landed in her hair and I thought about waving it away, but then it flew off.
At this time a mischievous idea formed in my head and I acted before I could think better of it. I looked at the top of her head, told her “Hold still”, and whapped her one (not too hard) on her head. Then I just went back to work.
She asked, “Did you get it?”
I looked at her in a distracted way and, innocently, asked, “Get what?”
A few days later–same activity–she was occasionally asking me questions the way kids do. You know the drawn-out “Daaad?” followed by something unimportant they’re just asking about to fend off boredom.
After a few of these (that I answered distractedly) she comes out with, “Daaad?..Is hope an illusion?”
I didn’t miss a beat. Just looked at her briefly and said, “Yes” in that same offhand manner and went on working.
Due to a misheard remark from ages ago that, at the time, led to confusion and then hilarity, whenever anyone asks, “Are you sure?” regardless of what they are talking about one of us will add, “Did you count?”
We crack each other up!
Jay Sherman voice: Football in groin.
I’m going to have to try this one.
There is Nothing New Under the Sun.
They used this in an episode of MAS*H. Hawkeye and B.J. are in the shower. Frank Burns walks in and makes some offensive statement.
Hawkeye (to Burns) : Stand still! (hits him with washcloth)
Burns: Did you get it?
Hawkeye: Get what?
All during my senior year of high school, I attended English class in a room on the other side of the wall from the teachers’lounge bathroom.
The toilet in that room made a noise that sounded like someone moaning in agony.
Every time that toilet flushed, at least one of us laughed aloud–usually accompanied by a hope that some specific teacher had just embarked on an impromptu cruise to Kansas City. Those who didn’t laugh aloud at least cracked a smile.
I knew a guy who had a snail that he named Your Mom. Then he would say things like ‘Your Mom leaves slimy trails on my desk.’
Still cracks me up.
My younger brother does something that cracks me up all the time…so much so I stole it from him. No matter what you say to him he adds a YOUR in front of it and says it back. ex:
ME :“Hey, nice shirt!”
Him: “YOUR a nice shirt”
ME “Nice shot!”
Him “YOUR a nice shot!”
I dont know why but his timing and the randomness in which he says it never fails to crack me up.
Anything quoted fromAirplane! makes me bust up every time.
If you’re into funny cat pictures, Dwight’s got a ton of them at:
My favorite face I’ve ever elicited from someone was at a Blasphemy Party. My brother used to hold a blasphemy party every Good Friday. At the last one, I brought four things:
- My caffeine cookies, which I bring to all his parties (chocolate chip cookies packed with coffee–highly addictive!)
- Zima (labeled, “The Saliva of Christ”).
- Pink wine (labeled, “The Saliva of Christ After He’s Flossed for the First Time in a Year.”)
- A Precious Moments Easter card, inside of which I wrote, “To my brother, in hopes that you continue to learn and grow in Christ.” Sometimes no blasphemy is the best blasphemy of all.
But not that year. After a friend of mine who loves himself some caffeine cookies complimented me on the latest batch–after everyone had had a chance to get themselves some cookies–I looked him in the eye and said, “Blasphemy party. I made 'em with decaf.”
The mixture of stunned betrayal, hatred, and admiration in his eyes stays with me to this day.
Daniel
When I was in the 8th grade some prankster wrote this on every stall in the girls’ bathroom. I heard it was written in the boys’ bathroom as well. Still cracks me up all these years later:
“Those who read the shithouse walls
roll their shit in little balls”
When in a public bathroom I have to make sure I’m properly prepared not to burst out laughing when someone next to me explodes into the toilet. Invariably, when I’m using a public toilet someone rushes madly into the stall next to mine and blows out a week’s worth of Taco Bell lunches.
It’s unpleasant to the nose but so hilarious to the juvenile funny bone in me. Farts and burps always get a laugh out of me. I’m such a sucker for potty humor. I belong back in 7th grade. :rolleyes:
I just have to say, I’m struggling with my depression right now and feeling pretty low, but that “Press button, receive bacon,” made me laugh almost till I cried, and I’m feeling much better at the moment!
Disclaimer: no one else may find this amusing, but it’s one of my faves.
My sister and I were grocery shopping for a family dinner, and as I was looking for an item on the shelf I came across a rather large tin with a label that seemed really out-of-date and out-of-place. There was only one of this item, and my curiosity was piqued. I picked the can up and examined the label, and to my surprise found myself face to face with a strange picture of a chicken dressed in a '50s style cocktail dress. The product was labeled “whole chicken in a can, with chicken juice”.
I literally fell on the floor in the middle of the supermarket aisle laughing. My sister was looking at me as if I’d just grown a third arm, but I was laughing so hard I couldn’t tell her what was going on; all I could do was point at the can, which in my fit I had dropped and which had by now rolled away across the aisle. Although she found it highly amusing, she was more disconcerted by the scene I was making in the middle of the canned goods section. However she soon joined in the merriment, although not quite as enthusiastically as I. By the time we got out of the store we were near hysteria. We went to our mother’s house, and by now the hilarity had reached such epic proportions that we anticipated a great response from the family when we told of our recent shopping expedition. In trying to tell the story, we could barely get the words out through our giggles. When finally finished with the great punchline (Whole chicken in a can, with CHICKEN JUICE!), our mother just looked at us and said “yeah, so?” She was completely unimpressed, which just makes this all the more hilarious.
What the heck is “chicken juice” anyway? No one has ever been able to satisfactorily answer this question.
My two younger siblings and I used to do this all the time, until we decided it was too much. Now any of us doing it means a smack on the arm. Well chosen, this can be hilarious.
Chicken juice … definitely don’t want to know.
you’re chicken juice