Slightly different version:
Some come here to sit and think;
some come here to shit and stink;
but I came here to ring my dink;
cuz my old lady’s on the blink.
A piece of graffiti I saw…somewhere…I can’t remember. Somewhere in a bar. People had written on the bathroom walls trying to be witty or thought-provoking. Anyway, someone had written:
“Life itself is a contradiction.”
And someone wrote underneath:
“No, it’s not.”
I laughed and laughed. Too bad I was too drunk at the time to remember what bar it was.
I have to say that every time my doggie snores, it cracks me up. Especially when she does the “shemp sleeping imitation.”
My friend saw a great piece of graffiti. Above a plaintive lost cat poster, someone had stapled a piece of paper that said “your cat was delicious”.
Thanks to this thread, I wrote “Press button, receive bacon” on the hand dryer at school.
More toilet graffiti:
The cubicle door said Toilet tennis: look left.
I did.
The left wall said Look right.
Mmhmm.
And the right wall said, amazingly enough, Look left.
I’m going for the high score!
Regarding “Fire at Will” from ST:TNG, am I just imagining an episode where Picard says it, and everyone turns and looks at Riker, and he smirks, then the action continues as before? Cuz I thought that was hilarious.
I also like nonsensical double entendres. My SO hates it when I do this, which just makes it funnier to me.
SO: “I’m all out of cigarettes”
ME: “I’ll give you something you can smoke, baby. Grrrowl.”
And this cracks me up every time.
ZJ
Well, I don’t know how to code links then. Fine, I didn’t want to anyway. Stupid internet.
ZJ
Oh god. Are you related to my husband?
Thanks! You’re awesome.
And, jsgoddess, I bet that you phrased that specifically so I couldn’t double entendre it, and thus further my entendre agenda. (“I’ll relate to your…” No, it just doesn’t work. Sigh!)
ZJ
I’m pretty sure you’re imagining that, but if it’s real I have to see it.
Several hours ago me and the husband trekked out to Wally World to procure for my miserable self some Tagamet and other assorted things. We were sitting in the aisle wherein all the digestive-system medicinals are located when he picked up a box of generic suppositories and loudly asked for a price check, getting the interest of several individuals.
I about died laughing and followed up with a very sincere and heartfelt “I love you!”.
But then I tipped him off that he should look for a home enema kit for that gag.
This is why I bought a laserdisc player… just so I could watch Police Squad!
Oh, and the Giorgio Moroder version of Metropolis.
A family story:
When I was a kid, my Gramma was sending a birthday card to Aunt Barbara.
She wrote Brabra.
I started singing:“Camptown races sing your song, Brabra, Brabra…”
It still makes me laugh.
Hero.
Although I would nominate White Ninja Comics as a whole, this particular one always gets a giggle.
Dob:
My friends and I do this, but we work the “your mom” stuff in there too for some nice back-and-forth action. And, again, the more random the better:
“It’s the next turn on the left.”
“You’re the next turn on the left.”
“Your mom’s the next turn on the left.”
“Your mom’s face is the next turn on the left.”
Also great is when you screw it up on purpose:
“Yeah, I liked the movie a lot.”
“You liked the movie a lot…oh.”
I don’t care if the fad became passe four years ago: anything related to the mistranslated video game intro that includes the line “all your base are belong to us” still amuses me.
Whenever we go to the mall I always tell my wife I’m going to go into the “Everything’s $1” store, start grabbing things at random and asking the cashier “How much is this?”