Of course, one of the many things Glenn Beck isn’t saying is whatever it is that the Japanese are doing that they should stop doing. So since we’re left to guess what he might mean, let’s do…
The Top Ten Things The Japanese Should Stop Doing Right Now
**10. Scraping the bottom of the Pokémon trash barrel. Literally.
9. Writing in that language that looks like a Space Invaders game.
8. Beating us at hot dog eating contests.
7. Slaughtering whales and dolphins. Did you think the undersea earthquake was a coincidence? Be warned: the crab monsters show up next week.
6. The whole schoolgirl obsession thing . Seriously, it’s creepy.
5. Making awesome horror flicks.
4. Paying American celebrities to make ridiculous ads.
3. Making better cars than us.
2. Bombing Pearl Harbor.
And the number 1 Thing The Japanese Should Stop Doing Right Now:
Pachinko!**
Disclaimer: the above is acknowledged to be extremely un-PC and is presented entirely for humorous purposes. No serious intent to blame the victims of past, current or future tragedies for their misfortunes is in any way intended. My heart genuinely goes out to the Japanese people at this time of sorrow.
What he actually wants them to stop doing is being Japanese. They should do and say and eat and think like what upright normal people do. In other words they should quit being so damn Japanese and should be proper people. You know: Americans.
It just goes to show you: take any controversial art and wait a couple of centuries, and it will be the subject of scholarly studies and museum exhibits. I look forward to the Royal Ontario Museum’s exhibits on gangsta rap in 2190.
I’d be worried if Glenn Beck started denouncing tentacle porn. Because then we’d have to dread the inevitable scandal when he gets caught in some public restroom with an underage octopus.
