As inspired by this thread:
Here are a few things a buddy of mine and I do to torment the neighborhood kids.
When you are around them, use these words in your conversation: duckdo, henway, butfor. After a while one of them will ask “What’s a —?” Answer them and hilarity will ensue.
The kids are impressed when you are up on the latest Hollywood gossip.
Did you hear about that actress who murdered her boyfriend? You know that one who was in that blonde haired movie, um Reese, Reese…
No, she did it with her knife.
HFS I am stealing that!
As usual, there is an XKCD strip about this, although it was a guest artist. It still counts.
I missed it. 
It’s harder to kill someone using a spoon.
Send your kids out looking for a left handed smoke bender. Also ask them while their out to bring back some fallopian tubes.
Insist they wear baseball caps correctly.
When driving kids carpool, radio locked on oldies station. Sing along.
Volunteer to chaperone school dances. While on chaperone duty, dance in front of all their friends.
(Reese) Witherspoon? No, with a knife.
He had it coming.
Get your feet closer to the floor!
Why a spoon?
Because it’s dull you twit! It’ll 'urt more!
Thanks for the help everyone 
I did this with a tape of Rocky Horror Picture Show. I managed to embarrass my daughter AND my niece at the same time.
One time, before my daughter got her driver’s license, I dropped her off in front of her high school…and I got out of the car and HUGGED her. She very nearly died of embarrassment. I highly recommend this as a threat.
About 10 years ago I was over at my parent’s house and they asked me to go pick up my sister from her friend’s house. My dad, for some reason I don’t remember, had our work/delivery truck at home. It was behind my car so I grabbed the keys and went to go get her. She came out of the house and just about collapse when she saw me in this…It didn’t say “FREE CANDY” on the side, but other then that, it was identical. I think I honked a few times for good measure.
