The lesson is… never try.
Your sister is looking hot today.
It’s your fault that grandma’s dead.
Where’s your mother?
I always got (and kiddingly, I might add; I cannot stress this enough) “Did you look or just open the door/drawer and see it wasn’t right in front/on top? If I come in there and find it, I’m sticking it where the sun don’t shine!”
I reiterate: KIDDINGLY. My parents are great people, but we’re a sarcastic family. Heck, I’ll probably end up saying the same things to my kids, and if they’re anything like me, they’ll understand.
“Because I said so.”
My guardians did that, And then six months later I was placed in an orphanage. I stayed there for five years until I went to college last year.
My parents (mom, actually) still do that (I’m 18), and it used to drive me insane in high school. On the other hand, it probably made me do better to avoid getting yelled at, so maybe it wasn’t that bad.
I got that all the time from my older brother and sister. If they found it, they’d hit, so I made sure I found it.
My mother still does that. I’m in my last year of college. It doesn’t really help me. I just always figured I could never please her.
My grandmother called me all the way from Australia, and asked me when I was going back for university (I finish high school next week). Before I could give her an answer, she continued, “Be a doctor. The money’s good.”
:rolleyes:
My mom as far as I can remember always said to me, “I love you as if you were my own.”
Or I’d say ‘I hate dad’ or something stupid and she would always say, ‘Too bad he isn’t you real father’
She went on and on once about her not being my mom until I broke down into tears and went hysterical.
I’ve had to put up with this for 19 years.
“Doesn’t your brother look so handsome in his tuxedo?”
Yes, Dad, he does, but since your firstborn daughter is getting married today, why don’t you try complimenting her for a change?
:rolleyes:
“I should just kill myself so I never have to deal with you!”
" I should divorce your father and give him custody!"
After coming home in tears many times in grade school: “Well if you lost some weight they wouldn’t make fun of you.”
“You look terrible. Go change.” (Khakies and a blue shirt. Oh, the horror.)
My mother also did/does the “I’m going to leave if you don’t stop!” and actually leaves. Yeah, gee thanks Ma’.
Upon discovering I was contemplating suicide last year: “You are so fucking STUPID if you want to kill yourself. No daughter of mine could be that stupid. You’re an idiot.” Good reaction, Eh?
“Now this is the sort of thing a man only tells his wife and his favourite son.” - said to my brother
“Christ! Wasn’t six old enough to start socializing?!” (“No, dad, for me it was fifteen, okay?!”)
“You can do better than this!” (No, obviously I can’t, or I would have! Do you think I enjoy getting bad grades and do it just to piss you off?!)
“Where did you lose the 7%?” (when I got a 93% on a test)
“Quit reading.”
“That’s how ladies hold their umbrellas.”
“That’s not your authentic self.”
“Get out! Get out of this house!” (only for a few minutes)
Yeah, I forgave him.
Oh, and:
“I am NOT angry at you!” (there’s a mind twister. So why are you stomping around, screaming at me, and throwing things?)
My family is the same way. When my sister was obviously not trying hard enough to accomplish some task, my mother said, “Think of it as an intelligence test.” It’s amazing how well that worked; so much so that she’s still using it on us.
Too impatient from Clarityn to read through all these replies to check I’m not repeating but:
‘I can’t wait for you to have children with some nice girl! Now that your sister’s married some guy who has his tubes tied, you’re our only hope for grandkids!’ (said by my mother whilst rhapsodising over other people’s babies in a supermarket)…
Since I’m in a gay phase with a depressed mother whose only hope appears to be my potential for grandkids, it’s not an ideal situation! : (
-James
A “gay phase”? Pardon my intruding, but I really want to know…do you get the toaster for “phases” or a lesser prize?
I’ve heard parents say to misbehaving (or even cranky) children, “That man over there…” (pointing to me) “…has a jail, and he’s going to put you in it if you don’t behave yourself.”
Grrrrr!
Made me want to go right up to them and tell the poor kid, “That’s not true, little buddy. But I do have a jail where I put parents who tell lies to their children.”
I think, in situations like you’re talking about Dave, you should be able to do just that. Or make it a ticketable offense.
“If you don’t let your father get enough sleep, he’ll die of a heart attack like your friend Eddie’s father did.”
My grandmother often said this to my father. My grandfather was a doctor, and he would sometimes sleep during the day after being awake all night attending to a patient. The worst thing about this story is that my grandfather did eventually have a heart attack. At least my grandfather didn’t die of his heart attack, like Eddie’s [not his real name] father did. Then my father would have had an even worse guilt trip. My grandfather lived for many more years after his heart attack. Both of my father’s parents eventually died of cancer.
To be fair to my grandmother, my father does have many fond memories of her, too.
“I’m going to teach you how to drive a stick-shift this weekend.”
It’s been eleven years and I’m still traumatized (and unable to drive a stick-shift).