Things You Don't Want To Hear On A First Date

“Don’t worry - I think it is just a cold sore.”

“…oh, and I invited my spouse to join us. You don’t mind, do you?”

“No, no, the ankle bracelet lets me get this far, no worries.”

“Um, no, can’t go in there. There’s this restraining order…”

“It’s OK with me, but you used to be a dude, right?”

“This is my mother.”

The guys and I like to go to the gay bar to look for straight women who go there to dance and get away from men.

True story.

“I can’t stay out past 9, the babysitter charges extra if I’m late.”

“What do you mean you’re afraid? I have to walk back alone.”

“Ah, the children of the night! What beautiful music they make.”

I should let you know that technically, Im married, but…( fill in with any excuse)

“My favourite book? It’s really a toss-up between the Twilight series and Mein Kampf…”

Hi Dad. Looking sexy!

“Do you mind if I take notes? I like to post the highlights on SDMB when I get home.”

"Um . . . do you know what “genital warts” are?

Don’t worry - I only get morning sickness in the morning.


I was not impressed with the guy who whispered in my ear before we even had dinner, “I sure hope you like to fuck a lot”. I don’t know if he thought he was being sexy or maybe that I’d appreciate his straightforward attitude. Either way I was quite uncomfortable.

“But I’m in love with you!”

This is going to be a great evening – just you, me and Jesus!

Uh oh, my husband just walk in! He wasn’t supposed to get out of prison until next week.