Don’t flip your beer battered onion rings in the deep fryer with a metal fork, then immediately do a taste test with the same fork. That sizzle you hear is your lower lip. :eek:
When you do it again, it’s time to stop drinking wine while you cook and nominate yourself for the Darwin Award.
Oh, yes. Learned this the hard way as a kid. Result: A kitchen floor covered in soap bubbles.
Eating uncured olives made me laugh. We had an olive tree in our backyard when I was growing up, and one of the things I remember learning very young from my mother was that the raw olives had to be cured to make them edible. She must have thought we’d try to eat them raw like you others did.
Yup. I was about 10. I kept having to go back into the kitchen to clean the floors…the bubbles just kept coming.
Maybe not “the hard way” but certainly very, very late. As I boy I tried to fly kites. The usual result was that they would insist on turning upside-down and flying into the ground. Why? Damfino- I supposed I must be Charlie Brown. Then decades later as an adult, I finally figure out that if the kite keeps turning upside-down it’s because there’s too much wind for it to be stable and the solution is to add more tail. I need to live to be 115 just to make up for lost time on all the things I needed to learn decades before I did.
When driving in Chicago (or any large traffic prone location - but especially Chicago), keep your gas tank full and your bladder empty.
Do not flush the “flushable” wipe, learned courtesy of my mother’s plumbing nightmare.
Do not approach kittens when legs are bare, they will jump and successfully cling to your bare leg. All of them, sometimes at once. I was a slow learner.
Do not trust the gas gauge in your car, and sometimes even the “low fuel” light will betray you.
Pyrex cannot be used on the stove top. Even just to melt butter.
When Pyrex glass shatters, it lands every-damn-where.
Don’t admit to anything
I’d modify this to: “just until I find a job/place” means “until you’re forced to kick me out”. Learned this in my twenties and never forgot.
Do not go just to look at puppies unless you want a puppy.
Also, just take the puppy home, unless you want to drive back another six hours each way to get the puppy you were just going to see.
Also, Malinois are assholes, no matter how you raise them, so be prepared to step up your dog training game.
Best dog ever, but what a ride!
Never dance in hiking boots.
Never eat anything you can’t pronounce.
When storing your bitcoins in an encrypted disk image, write the passphrase down!
Slightly higher ground, even with grass growing in it, is not necessarily stable enough to keep your truck from sinking up to the frame. Yes, above the axles.
Don’t try to fire someone (who works for you) if they’re friends with your customer or upper management. It will turn out very bad for you.
You are not kidding. A friend who was CFO of a business, watched the whole thing collapse when an admin was fired. She turned around and told all the other businesses in the industry that she was laid off and they were closing doors. Suddenly, other companies were offering dollars for equipment and pinching away the good employees by sharing the fake rumor and the company did end up closing doors.
Don’t complement a woman for being Rubenesque. Even if you like her that way chances are high she doesn’t. Besides, how you feel about her isn’t very important. It’s how she feels about herself when she’s with you that matters. Reminding her that she has some meat on her bones, even if you find that attractive, probably will not make her feel good about herself.
Do not take your wife to see movies like The Aristocrats unless she specifically says she wants to see it. The next few weeks will not be happy for you.
Do not buy aftermarket car warranties. Those companies are run by unscrupulous shit bags who will do anything not to pay out even on iron clad legit claims. You will end up paying for the repair yourself and also be out the money you paid for the warranty.
Learned this by being on the wrong end of it years ago:
Do not tell a teenager “these are the best years of you life”.
I’ve got no money, I have no car, I’ve never had sex, and I live with my parents. And you’re telling me it’s all downhill from here? GREAT!:smack: Dzzz click Dzzz click (playing Russian roulette with my finger.)
Do not touch the electric fence around the paddock. There’s a reason the horses won’t go near it.
Don’t idly grip a zip-tie between the finger and thumb of one hand and then pull on it quickly with the other hand as if starting a motor boat.
Don’t attempt to replace internal computer parts while it is plugged in.
Mine allows us to do it because she trusts us as part of her litter. Perhaps I should have used the qualifier “strange”.
I didn’t learn this myself, but never take six of ANYTHING if it’s your first time trying a new drug… especially if you’re a bored middle-schooler in Woburn, Massachusetts at a party and someone’s stolen some industrial-grade muscle relaxant from a neighbor’s porch.
This was a news story from 1997. Found 2 refs, NYT and LA Times, behind paywalls. Neither mentions where the drugs came from. I remembered that detail from when I lived in MA and it was in all the daily papers. Drug education in schools never teaches you these little practicalities.