Heh, these are funny.
“Can you just cut out the grey ones out for me?”
“Pina Colada, please.”
“You’re driving a little fast, don’t you think?”
“Does this come in a 2X?”
“Send this diaper off to the weapons research facility, would you dear?”
"Okay, I can get you a gorilla surfing on a wave of liquid cheese, but it will take me several months and several thousand dollars to do so."
Actual phrase muttered to a client at a commercial pitch meeting. I can honestly say I never expected to ever say such a thing, and the absurdity of it struck me the moment it left my mouth.
Just think, in the long and varied history of the English language that phrase was probably never said before, and will probably never be said again.
“Do I have to stop this car?”
Actually, I love the parent ones. I waited thirty years to be able to say, “Because I’m the mother and I said so.”
“Don’t make me come up there.”
“Because I said so!”
& I don’t even have kids!!!
:eek:
“Oh my God Honey, shes got corn stuck in her ear!”
“Don’t try to eat the cat!”
“No, we do not play in the toilet!”
“I could use a nap.”
“How was my day? The baby pooped on me, in the tub, up her back. And the older one got her foot stuck in the toilet. how was your day?”
Please don’t fart at the dinner table !
“Jeez, I’m glad I need to spend this summer in Belgium, instead. If I have to spend another goddamn week in Amsterdam I’ll kill myself. I’m so SICK of Amsterdam!”
20 year old Capybara would kick 30 year old Capybara’s ass.
“I’ll blow your friggin head off!!!”
JediOnline
“No, you may not try to flush the cat down the toilet.”
I said this one three years ago: “You damn kids, get off my lawn!”
…I was 21 at the time.
I’m dreading the day I hear myself say, “Well, it’s 10 p.m., time for bed.”
Mr. Legend once found himself saying, “Don’t throw the dog at your sister!”
I never said this, but a friend did, to her child: “I said wash the chocolate off that snake this INSTANT!”
‘When I was your age…’ (or, Thank Goodness Dissin’ Adults Wasn’t Cool in MY Day Otherwise I Would Have Been Suffering the Same Punishment That You are About To…)
‘How can you LISTEN to that stuff?’ (It’s Crap No Matter What Decade it Came From…useful for oldies AND kids who listen to rap etc)
‘Look, I’m on bended knees, can you PLEEEEEZE clean up your room today!’ (or: the Landlord is Coming Round and I Don’t Want to be Evicted This Week if that’s OK with YOU?)
‘I am SO ashamed of you.’ (or, How Did You Manage to Get Caught Doing Such a Stupid Thing?)
‘You wanna give me a hard time? I pay back in TRIPLICATE, with INTEREST, and a dose of revenge thrown in for good measure…so don’t fuck with your mother OK!’ Really, I NEVER thought I’d say THAT! But I did. And it worked!
It’s not so much what I said, but when I said it:
“I’m starving! What’s for breakfast??”
I was walking out of the mortuary after watching an 8am autopsy.
I had to much chocolate…
I ate too much mac and cheese…
I’m hungry! (This after finishing cutting a gator brain…)
“I hate the music kids are listening to these days.”
“I hate the clothes kids are wearing these days.”
“I’d better skip the french fries.”
I’m 32 and still single, but I know I’d end up saying the same things my own parents said to me if I had any children of my own.
“When I was your age…”
“Damn punk kids…”
[Both of those are the obvious result of working at a fast-food place with high school kids as co-workers as well as customers.]
“No thanks, I’m the designated driver.” (actually glad I said this one)
“Hey guys, it’s karaoke night at the bar. Wanna go?”
-Dirty
“Get my pen out of your mouth. I don’t know where your mouth has been.”
“I shoulda taken the day off today to do some yard work since it’s so nice outside.”
“Why don’t we go grab the early bird special for dinner?”:eek::eek: