Can I request that all party attendees please bring as many boxes of allergy medicine containing pseudoephedrine as possible as a gift for the birthday boy?
I know this is a party for 8 year olds, but my 3 year twins were so disappointed they were not invited that I brought them too. Is that okay? I’ll be back in a couple of hours.
Pool Party at Tommy Lee’s!
“Cake, shmake! Who wants a piece of lutefisk?”
“They were out of orange soda, so I picked up some Jolt!, is that okay?”
“Oh, don’t mind my Grandpa-he’s just having his flashbacks to Iwo Jima again. I don’t think the machine gun’s even loaded.”
“OMG!!! The kids ate those brownies!!!”
Has anyone seen my bong?
Okay kids! Line up for the inverted keg stand!
“I’m sorry, but Grandma should not be giving Bobby any tongue for his birthday kiss.”
It’s never too early to learn anatomy. Here let me show you!
Ah, don’t worry. The dingoes are very friendly.
“Have you heard the kids lately? They’ve been upstairs for hours now and I haven’t heard a sound.”
That’s okay, we’ll just make our own fireworks.
“I’ll be damned, it does look like Kool-Aid.”
Sparkler Fight!
The candy’s in my pocket.
Nothing says “fun” like kids’ group archery!
Don’t mind me, I just have to stay 300 feet away from the house while the party’s going on…
“Mum, what’s a stiffy?”
Way to go on the relay race, here’s your victory cat skin!
“Let’s try it with TWO firecrackers this time!”
“Daddy, the man from the bomb disposal unit just pulled up.”
“That may very well be true, Billy, but we’re not at Hippie Hollow* right now, are we?”
“Just shut up and hold still. My daddy says I’m a great marksman.”
“As a matter of fact, I don’t think that giving the kids a piñata shaped like a map of Israel was a good idea.”
“But my brother always uses gasoline to clean up bloodstains.”
“No, you’re both wrong. This is the sharpest knife in the kitchen.”
And one from real life:
“I know we talked about it daddy, but Miranda promised she wouldn’t throw a tantrum this year, so I had to invite her.”
- HH is a clothing-optional swimming hole regarded as sacred ground by many Austinites