things you said that you didn´t mean to

Up until lately I never really thought you could say something “by accident.” I mean I control the words that come out of my mouth right? Hmm, well normally yes.

Ok, scene setting. I just finished some volunteer work in Africa. Pretty enjoyable experience and something I’ve wanted to do for a while. Without going into too much detail I used to spend a reasonable amount of time in animals enclosures just talking to people or taking photos or whatever needed to be done. Consequently I got photographed or filmed on a daily basis by locals and tourists.

One day this German guy’s filming away and I’m making polite conversation and wondering how long burnt ears take to heal. He mentions he has a web site and he´s gonna put the film on it. Nice I think. No biggie though. Things carry on as normal and I forget about it.

Fast forward a few days. Similar situation. Few tourists around, my boss next to me, someone filming, general talk and the like. Filming man mentions to my boss he plans to put some photos on his website. I see this as an opportune moment to inform all around of my recent inclusion onto another countries site I say, “Cool,” I say. “I´m on a German porn site:….”

About 6 hours seems to pass.

It´s very quiet.

People who I don’t´ know start to look at me strangely. And yes, I am going to have to explain this in more detail. Clearly just a “Oh hang on, that´s not what I meant” will not suffice. I´ve opened a can of worms here and it needs closing. The only thing I can think of to say is, “…….but only at weekends.” Which seems to make people think my initial comment was some sort of joke. A short moment of hilarity ensues while the people I don’t know laugh at my slightly out-of-place joke and I pretend that was what I meant. I then make my excuses and leave wondering how the hell the word PORN managed to find it´s way into an otherwise normal sentence.

I´ve thought it over and all I can think of is that that my brain made some sort of subconscious link between Germany, the internet and pornography and didn´t run it passed my mouth first. It´s never happened before and never happened since.

Make me feel better and tell me this something like this has happened to someone else too.

Sorry if this is in the wrong place and spelling is bad, I´m new and all that. No excuses next time.

Hmm, weird first post.

I’ve had so much experience with this I could write a fricking book. I had a thread about it somewhere, but can’t find it now.

Old joke:

What I meant to say was, “Please pass the salt”. What came out was, “You ruined my life, you *&^%($#^!!!”

Honestly, if I had a nickel for every time my evil twin Skippy came roaring out, I could retire…

What I meant to say was “I brushed my teeth” rather than “I masturbated with toothpaste”…

How about “Mrs. Fucker, you spelt that word wrong”…

My teacher’s name was Mrs. Tucker. She was a preacher’s wife. I swear, the room went so quiet I could hear the friggin crickets…

“I do”