Things you will never hear on your favorite TV shows

Spiderman, the animated series:

“Look Petey, you’d get over all this mooning and whining you do if you go out and just get laid. Hell, just go out in your Spidey duds, cut a little hole in you crotch where Mr. Happy can get free, and go meet some girls. Hell, that Mary Kay whatsername would do Spidey in a New Yawk minute – you know it’s true. And even if SHE won’t tumble for ya, you hang out in the city all night, you HAVE to know where the hos are. Pack a couple hundred and get your business taken care of – they’ll think you’re just another kinkster.”

Petey Parker: “You know, I never thought of it that way. You’re absolutely right!”

Richard IV: Edmund, my dear son! I’ve decided to take an early retirement. I would like you to be the new King. You’ll do a fine job, I’m sure of it.

Edmund: Father, I’m honored! Thank you!

Richard IV: And don’t worry about your brother Harry. The only thing he’s good for is cleaning the stables and privies.

Pokemon:

Ash

Even a 50,000 volt Pikachu couldn’t beat THIS pokemon.
Hey, it’s Team Rocket! (when TR has some brilliant disguise like glasses)

Brock:

Check out the hunky guy in that Speedo.
or maybe… “Fat bottomed girls you make my rockin’ world go round.”

James:

Check out… (oh nevermind it’s just too easy).
Jessie, will you marry me? (despite the effect this line might have on fans such as me, it will never happen)
My beauty transcends gender! (Oh wait, he DID say that, but they cut it out of the dub…)

Jessie: You guys piss me off sometimes, but I love you anyway.

Meowth: So what, it’s only money.

Lord Edmund Blackadder: Percy! I’m getting married tomorrow, and I’d love for you to be my best man!

Lord Percy Percy: Congratulations, Edmund. Well, let me check my calendar. Hmm. I might be able to do that for you.

Lord Edmund Blackadder: Would you? Oh, thank you, Percy! I can’t imagine anyone else who I’d want as my best man!

Squadron Commander Lord Flasheart (in a self-pitying voice): I guess I’ll never have a girlfriend.

And so Edmund and Kate were married, and they lived happily ever after.

The End.

Anyone else notice how a lot of these have happened?

These startrek ones are brilliant.

http://www.soton.ac.uk/~scp93ch/surf/startrek.html

As a sample:

#1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it has encountered several times before.
#2. The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly all right.
#5. The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.

“Good Eats”:

AB:“Hi W, I’ll just buy what I need, and be on my way.”
W;“Hurry back!”

"Whose Line is it Anyway?(US):

DC:“Oh Colin, I see you got some Rogaine. Ryan, love the sensible shoes.”

Real World

“Hey, guys, let’s just stay in tonight and work on our next job assignment.”

Jed Bartlett of West Wing:

“Toby, after serious consideration, I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no social program in the world that will help kids whose parents just don’t give a damn.”

Entertainment Tonight:

“In deference to the millions of Americans who just don’t give a shit, we are done with ALL media coverage of Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck.”

Good Eats: Why do we do it this way? Because that’s the way it’s done. There’s no scientific explanation or pratical reason. Could hundreds of years of culinary tradition possibly be wrong?

While You Were Out: If you can answer this question, you get this genuine Tiffany lamp valued at over $10,000. Your wife wanted to redo this room for you because: a) You’re a wonderful husband and she loves you and appreciates you so much, b) She was bored and wanted to get you out of the house for the weekend, or c) Because you’re a slob and this house is a terrible mess and she wanted at least one nice room.

Uhh . . . I’ll choose c?

Stargate SG1: Carter, you are so full of shit! Jesus, did you get your astrophysics degree out of a Cracker Jack box or something?