Not drunk but stoned:
“A penguin is a panda-bear fish.”
I think that’s pretty fucking profound.
For drunkenness though, try the following note I found on my mobile phone, written at about 2.30am a couple of years ago, discovered weeks or possibly months after I’d written it:
To which I went “WTF?”
Then I found a second note, with a timestamp of about 2.40am the same night:
“He’s a BBC news announcer, you drunken twat.”
And I subsequently discovered, he is. What a strange time bomb to leave myself.