This is a NOT healthy way to think, right?

[Dangerosa]

Oh, there is another thing in there when the impact of the worst thing that can realistically happen is actually worth worrying about - “what steps can I take to keep it from happening (and lower the amount of worrying I do).” This is not one of those cases. This is: I have a weird mole, what’s the worst thing that could happen, I could die of skin cancer, what can I do about it, have my doctor take a look…

[puddleglum]

@Dangerosa

So this is how you fix your cognitive process - from one anxiety prone mess to another

What’s the worst thing that can happen (realistically) - she thought it was an unwelcome come on and now won’t see you.
What’s the impact of that - not much, you haven’t seen her in a long time anyway, and next time you do see her she’ll likely have forgotten the awkward exchange.
What’s the best thing that can happen - she shows up at Joe’s and you get to see her again.
What is likely to have happened - her phone rang or something interesting popped up on her feed and she went down the internet hole or the commercial ended on her TV show and by the time she was back in chat “cool, I’ll try and show up sometime” seemed unnecessary.

(A CBT therapist would probably have you write this down in a journal)

“If it won’t make a difference five years from now, it isn’t worth five minutes now” is worth repeating. Then distract yourself with a good book or a movie you find engaging (Hot Fuzz is one of my favorites) - something else that fills the narrative space in your head. If it pops back, keep asking yourself the same questions. If the “worst that can happen” gets unrealistic - go for it. “She is so offended she sends hit men to my house. What they don’t know is that I’m actually an ex-navy seal. Armed with nothing but a nail clippers…”

And if that doesn’t work, pop an Ativan (I’m kidding, benzos are bad if you take them for every little thing - but talk to your doctor, Buspar has been wonderful and isn’t a benzo. Valerian is also good and herbal for stopping racing thoughts and helping you sleep - but if you are on a SSRI you don’t want to take anything else that affects serotonin - which valarian does)

This is great advice. What works for me is to come up with a retort to the worst case scenario and then repeat it every time the obsessive thought appears. Then find a distraction.