Man juice, spooge, sperm… it’s all the same thing, right? Well, I guess the name isn’t important. What’s important is that I Want some and seem to be having a hard time getting some.
The jizzu…um, Jist of the story is this: I’m trying to order some donor sperm from a fertility clinic but I’ve spent the last two days on the phone going back and forth from them to my doctor because the address’ were all mixed up.
Finally, I get That all taken care of and call to order the donor I had picked out. And what do I hear? I’m sorry Clieko, but we’re all out of him. What? But I just called two days ago! Do you mean to tell me that all of a sudden there’s a mad rush to have the offspring of a 6 foot tall lithuanian who likes to play basketball? Ok, so maybe he wouldn’t be such a bad catch… but seriously, now I have to go back and spend another few hours agonizing over who’s gonna be the biological father of my first born child!
Stressed a bit? Why yes, yes I am. My biological clock is tickin’ here!
Ok, ok, I know it’s only a few more hours of going through potential donors, but He was the one that I wanted! Alright, well there Was one other one but he was out too and I got over him…
So it’s back to the drawing board I go, wish me luck.
Anyone else out there ever have this problem? I mean there’s gotta be Somebody on the Board who’s gone out lookin’ fer man juice in all the wrong places too…
I don’t know what’s scarier, the fact that you’re ranting about not being able to get your hands on some Lithuanian’s sperm, or the fact that you misspelled your own user name.
Stay calm. I’m sure you’ll get some sperm. There’s plenty of sperm to go around.
I know whats scarier and its DEFINTIELY the 6 foot lithuanian sperm shortage! I, for one, want to know how this is going to affect the economy and what the President intends to do about it!!
You know when he filled out the application form, he wrote “I like playing with balls and dribbling.” Cussed sperm-bank catalogue editors and their market-sensibilities.
Now how did I know that I was gonna get a few offers from this? Thanks guys, but you and you’re friends have entirely too many dangly bits for me. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
Oh yeah, and the search goes on, and on…
Almost forgot one more thing - To Theios: Love you?
The sperm bank that I use allowed me to pay for storage for the sperm I wanted. I bought two right away but they told me there were still over fifty vials and I probably had at least a few months to accumulate as many as I needed. I own six vials from the donor I picked. What a bummer that you didn’t get your first choice!!
So, are you getting inseminated really soon? I’m really interested to know how the procedure goes, if you don’t mind keeping us posted. I’m supposed to get IUI and it sounds a little bit uncomfortable - definitely inferior to “the fun way” - but when your biological clock is ticking and there’s no prince charming doing the job, you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.
I was planning to get inseminated next month, but the job I was promised is being delayed! There’s no way I will get into that proposition without health insurance. Anyway, enough about me - sorry to hear about your frustrating exprience! Hope there is a good alternative! The sperm bank I use helped me to choose a good donor for a small fee. The counselors there had met with most of the donors and could tell me more about them than the info sheets they had available, so they could match stuff such as “energetic personality” and “deep voice” more readily than I could discern online or on paper; perhaps your sperm bank has a service like that available. Good luck!
Bringbring
Hello?
Hello. Can I get some of your man-juice pumped inside me, please?
Uh, um, sure lady. I’ll be right over with flowers. Where do you live?
…
…
This is the doctor’s office, right?
Damn it! I just wrote a really long reply and the fricking computer ate it! Anyhoo… I’ll probably be going in within the next three to four weeks. The fertility clinic that I’m going through gives you a good amount of information about the donors. The only thing I didn’t like was that I can’t get a recent photo, only childhood photos of some of them. Other than that, it’s pretty good.
Even though I’m only doing ICI it will still cost a good amount, just not as much as you’d pay for IUI. I don’t have fertility problems, I’m just a lesbian who wants kids Really Badly!
It seems like a lot of trouble to go through when you don’t have fertility problems, but I’d rather do this than ask a friend for a “sample” and risk him wanting to be part of the childs life later on down the road…
So it’ll be a few weeks but I’ll keep posted and good luck to you too.
The Onion ran an op/ed piece about this, naturally. I think there are only 4 males over the age of 14 who haven’t literally dreamed of such a job. Certainly would beat pizza delivery…for the first hour anyway.
But seriously. Sorry your donor wasn’t a more frequent flier. I’m sure he’d be flattered to hear that his goo was in demand. I am totally unfamiliar with this process, but has the sperm bank no means of contacting him and requesting his presence in no uncertain terms or is his donation simply a passing fling (no Multiple Migs pun intended) with no minimum?
I knew a couple in your situation. They ended up adopting a heroin baby (who is doing just fine now). They’ve since gotten themselves on a list to adopt another. The presence of an infant, however presented to the home, seemed to help the biological clock thing. The one who was to actually bear the child was bi at one time, and both are real good friends of my wife. But apparently their friendship had boundaries and I was in no way to assist them in their quest for on-demand chowder.
