Hi, I was reading through some old stuff and came upon this sex column I wrote for a friend of mine’s magazine. I thought you might enjoy. Ladies, please feel free to critique and give your own advice. So many men are lost “down there,” maybe this will help.
"I think kissing is wonderful, it can set the tone for relaxation and helps get the blood pumping. Men, I would say that many women enjoy long, soft kisses that go on and on. By this, I mean gently using your lips and then tongue, without being so aggressive. As the kissing goes on longer, the pressure and intensity of the tongue and lips can increase. Let her give you the body signal. If you’re kissing and she seems to want to go deeper, she will often lean in closer, or become more aggressive. Let her give the clues. Do not assume she wants you to shove your tongue straight down her throat or that it’s ok to grope her breasts and butt right away. If she seems hesitant, or is pulling away at all, that is your clue to slow it down a bit. Remember, there is no hurry. The longer it takes to get there, the better it’s going to be for both of you, especially her.
Most women need to be very relaxed before they will be able to climax sexually. This is why the wine and candles are a standby of sexual experts. They lend an ambience to the sensual atmosphere you are trying to create. She may be having a great time with you and be turned on, but she also may have anxiety about sex and having orgasms. Your job is to take her mind off of the anxiety. You’re going to make her feel so good that she forgets her tension.
So, you’re having wine and chocolate, relaxing with some soft music such as Jeff Buckley’s Grace. I hope by now you have migrated to your bed of pillows and soft blankets. This is a good chance to make a pallet on the floor, surrounded by candles. You can relax and talk, kiss and touch, until you’re ready to remove your clothing. Her blouse can come off first, which will be a perfect time for you to gently tease her nipples with first your fingers and then your lips. It’s nice to kiss from the top of her throat, around the neck, down through the middle of her breasts, and down her stomach. As your kissing goes further down, don’t be afraid to use your saliva to moisten the pathway. You can then blow gently on the areas you have been licking. This will send chills down her spine, and it will get you closer to the gold. Don’t rush through this important phase of foreplay. By touching her and kissing her, you are getting her warmed up for later activity. You could do this for hours or you could do it for a few minutes, it all depends on the body signals she is sending you. If she seems content and relaxed in letting you take the lead, it might be time to go a bit lower.
Since you’re following directions so well, you should be kissing her stomach softly and with use of tongue. The lower your tongue gets, the more jumpy your lover might get. She is feeling sensations on her belly that involuntarily lead to strong sensations in her special spot. If she seems relaxed enough, it might be the time to unbutton her pants and pull them down slightly. Keep the panties intact, but pull the pants far enough down that you have room to work. If she wants to, you can take them completely off. Make sure your soft blanket is nearby in case she gets a chill. Difficult as it may sound, you should try to take the pants off as casually as possible. Don’t make a big deal if you get stuck on a button or she has to help you. Stay relaxed. Once the pants are off, you should go back to kissing the lower belly. Now you have access to the hot spot, but you’re not ready to go there quite yet.
Take your kisses lower, brush your lips across the top and sides of her panties. Trace the panties with your tongue. Blow gently on her pussy, without touching it. You can drive her crazy in this manner as long as she will take it. However, she might be starting to lift her pelvis towards your mouth. This is her clue to you that she is enjoying what you’re doing and wants more. You should tease even further, lick along the panties, right on top of her pussy. She will be getting wet as you are doing this, and you can use your tongue to softly move the side of the panty over. You can also use your finger to do this. Now, I suggest licking the pussy full on, but very softly, just enough to tease her. Use your hand to pet the pussy, you can slowly rub her up and down and slowly put your hand in between her legs, so you can feel her wetness. Use your fingers to gently (cannot stress gently enough) stroke her clitoris and down to her opening. Let your fingers find the opening and touch the outside of it slowly. Then you can slide your middle finger into her opening and move it around a little. This is a great time for you to find the G-spot. If your finger is in, then you are closer than you think. If she’s on her back, you insert your finger into her opening with your palm facing up. Move your finger around on the top of her canal you will feel a spot that is ridgy and a little tense. This is the G-Spot. It can be your best friend, especially while orally pleasuring her. While you are discovering her body with your hand, you should still be kissing the pussy. Now might be the time to get a little more intense. You still want to be gentle, but you want to apply some more pressure with your tongue.
Her pussy will have started to open up to you by now, it should be at an angle so you can see it clearly and have it facing you. Keep close to the pussy and start licking it with a flat tongue, not the tip. Use this flat tongue to massage the clitoris. You want to use pressure, but not so much as to make it painful for her. You can ask her if she likes it and if you are doing it to her needs. The flat tongue works for a while, lick at it like you are licking a lollipop, up and down with that flat tongue. Then you will change it up by switching to the tip of the tongue, which you will flick back and forth across the clit, alternate this with licking down to the opening. She will get lovely sensations when you lick the opening, and even put your tongue in it a little bit. Then you go back to the flat tongue on the clit. Some women will help you hold the pussy open by putting her own hands on the lips and spreading them apart. Pay attention when she does this because she is giving you non-verbal direction. Personally, the point where I hold it open, is the point I am starting to get really excited and ready to come. As she holds it open and you are licking, you should take one or two fingers and insert them into her opening. Try to locate the G-Spot and rub it back and forth as you lick her clitoris. She should be going crazy by now, and her orgasm will be coming soon. She might help you by touching herself to come to that climax. This should not be taken as an insult of any kind, you’ve gotten her very excited, but sometimes we have to take it into our own hands. Once she begins to have her orgasm you keep doing exactly what you were doing when the orgasm started, whatever you do, don’t stop until she tells you to. You will know she’s done when her body relaxes and she breathes heavily and happily, possibly uttering things like, “Omigod,” or “Wow.” You have done a nice job.
After that incredible orgasm, she is now ready to fuck your brains out. You will be aroused because of her orgasm and the fact that she’s naked, sweaty and spread eagle on the bed. Wrap that willy and get back up there. I’ll trust you know what to do from here on out, but if you don’t then you can come back next week when I will be discussing some of the finer points of sexual intercourse."