Neither the teacher nor the CPS are at fault here. They’re doing exactly what they’re supposed to. The teacher especially: even if she thinks the kid is lying about his mom, it’s not her position to make that sort of judgement. The same goes for the CPS. Better they should act when there’s no need then not act when there is.
No, the blame here lands smack-dab on the lying little bastard. I suggest your friend find someone who has had a similar experience to, say, these kids, and have them explain exactly why his lies make it so much harder for people who really do need help to get it.
Alternatively, you can give your friend my e-mail, and I’ll be happy to go over there and knock some sense into the litte shit.
I should add, before a Mod yells at me, that the above was meant purely as humorous hyperbole, and should in no way be interpreted to be a legitimate offer to commit real violence on any actual person.
As a teacher, I can verify what has been said before: if I observe anything which could be considered evidence of child abuse, particularly if the child reports it as such, I am required to report it to the state, within 48 hours.
If I fail to do so – say, because the child in question is a lying, manipulative little sack of doggie doodle – and it turns out that the child WAS being abused, I stand to be prosecuted right up there with whoever abused the child in question.
I’m just a teacher, you see. My judgement is ALWAYS in question, regardless of my credentials or number of years dealing with children…
…so hell, yes, I’ll report it. Not a lot of choice, there.
Yea, I can say it even goes beyond that. When we were doing big final papers for my Child Development class, the people who were working on discipline-type topic and doing interviews had to submit their questions and the answers they got back to the instructor as soon as they got them, because if there was even a hint of abuse and we didn’t report it (to her, who would then go to the Department head to find out what to do), we could be held liable. Undergrads. And the university. And the instructor. That’s what we were told, anyway.
I’m surprised that some of you are calling this child a brat and basically saying he needs a good smack.
The OP stated that the child is autistic and has ADHD, this isn’t a normal kid.
As a parent of a special needs child, I can really relate to what it’s like to parent a child who is sometimes out-of-control. Like the OP’s friend, I have searched every avenue for help for my daughter, and I have tried so hard over the years (she’s 8) to find discipline that works. It’s easy to place blame on the parent, but you have to realize there’s only so much you can do for some children. Every day is a challenge, and when you’ve tried everything and failed you sometimes make a bad decision like smacking the child on the arm out of frustration.
My daughter has fits of rage sometimes, and I have worried myself sick that someone will think I’m abusing her. Something as simple as waiting for dinner can send my daugher into a meltdown that all the neighbors can hear. It probably sounds like WW3 is going on in my apartment some evenings.
I understand why CPS is called in a situation like this. I think it’s better for the teacher to be overly concerned than not concerned at all. But, I really feel for the OP’s friend and her son, and I don’t think that either of them are to blame for the situation.
Yeah, an autistic 12-year old with ADHD and possibly some other undiagnosed shit is gonna be so receptive to a reasoned argument based on how his (ostensibly) false accusations divert government resources from more needy children.
That “lying little bastard” is a child with multiple diagnosed mental illnesses. That doesn’t exempt him from being responsible for his actions, but it sure as hell means he needs to be dealt with differently then a 16-year old who mouthed off to Mom because he couldn’t go to the concert.
I know you later said this is supposed to be funny hyperbole, but the sentiment behind it is pretty ugly.
Okay, everyone out there who’s sanctimoniously insisting that this is the parents’ fault, have you ever lived with a developmentally disabled or mentally ill child?
Have you ever had a dozen ‘experts’ tell you 12 contradictory things? (None of which actually work) Have you ever been in the middle of K-Mart with your preteen having a full-fledged toddler-level tantrum because you won’t buy her a toy?
I watched my mom go through that, and all the while there was some bitch staring at us from the other end of the aisle thinking my mom just needed parenting classes. That she hadn’t provided the right environment for my sister (funny, though, that exact same environment produced a normal & productive me). That is was all her fault.
I don’t think anyone is saying that this situation doesn’t suck for the mom–of course it does; however, that issue is irrelevant to the primary question raised by the OP: Did Child Welfare fuck up by investigating a complaint of abuse? I don’t think so. From what the OP has said, I don’t think her friend is a bad person–I think she’s currently ineffective has a parent, and it’s entirely possible that’s not her fault.
When I was little, I developed verbal abilities earlier than most kids and developed a lot of motor skills later than most children. My parents later took me to a neurologist, who diagnosed me with nuerological disabilities that had been the cause of my motor skills developing more slowly. Even after I first started to walk it was difficult for me to walk for very long distances because my coordination had not yet fully developed, so my mom would sometimes take me in a stroller. Complete strangers would come up to her and complain “Why are you pushing that big baby in a stroller?” and then try to give my mom parenting tips. It’s easy for people to make snap judgements about someone’s parenting skills and say that someone is a “bad parent” when they don’t know or don’t bother to find out the whole story.
I don’t think child welfare fucked up. They need to investigate every possible case of abuse. I’m also conceding that the mother may not be effective in handling her son. What am NOT conceding is that CPS can help on that front. The sheer fact that they instructed her to discipline him using a 12 minute time out destroys any credibility I’d be willing to give them. One of the things we learned with my sister is that you can’t discipline her. Nothing works. She doesn’t even understand your anger. She is fully happy to sit and do nothing, making rythmic sounds to herself. She doesn’t want to go out, and has no privledges that she’d miss. She doesn’t respond to reasoning.
Thankfully, she’s sweet and gentle by nature. She doesn’t do anything violent or destructive. But if she did, I can’t imagine anything short of a straight jacket would stop her.
My sister also doesn’t have a manipulative bone in her body. I don’t think she knows how. She’s so honest it borders on rude (and highly socially innapropriate). Reading the OP, I could almost feel the helpless, frustrated rage. I think CPS is making this much, much, much worse, which I think is pretty typical for them. They’re understaffed, burdened by procedure, and I’m not sure they always know what they’re doing. They certainly don’t know what to do about this kid. If they’re such experts on children, shouldn’t they have known this was going to happen? How can they possibly provide this woman with help if they don’t even know how to handle their kid.
My guess, those parenting classes are going to be geared towards those parent who genuinely have no skills, and this mother wil get nothing out of it. Like when college kids get busted with pot, they get out of jail by going to ‘rehab’, which is a joke for your casual user, and an insult to everyone with a real drug problem.
On a side note, I have a friend who was abused pretty bad as a child. I asked him once why he never told anyone. Teachers can’t ignore you, they have to report it. He replied that it was possible CPS would take him, but it was also possible that they’d come over, inspect the house, interview him and his mom, give her a stern warning that they’d be back to check on them, and leave. “And in the morning,” he said, “I’d be dead.” You’ve got to admit, CPS doesn’t seem to handle situations very well.
I feel for the mother, truly I do. I am a parent of an autistic child and unless you live with or work with these kids, it’s unfair to judge a persons parenting skills. It’s HARD work with no vacation and little understanding. The teacher was protecting herself, CPS got involved, which is a good thing, but honestly, they aren’t an agency for the disabled. The mother needs resources that she doesn’t seem to be getting. That’s also a hard thing, you have to fight for the proper services at times, with no help at all and no answers.
That kid seems rather aware of the situation and how to abuse it, and I really feel sorry for them both. His mother is damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t. It may not be her fault that the son isn’t getting proper care. I’ve played the “hurry-up-and-wait-game” so many times when dealing with agencies that are supposed to help special needs children, it’s sickening! There are shortages of therapists/services and waiting lists that never end. If you don’t fill out the paperwork correctly and have NO ONE to ask, then what do you do? Call a phone number? Sure and end up waiting for days or weeks to get a call back if you don’t end up calling fifty times first (I’ve done that, too). The game isn’t easy, folks, and you HAVE to play it or you get nowhere at all. I pray that the boy gets help and that his mother does, too. The proper help.
I rather doubt this. Are her doctors telling her to leave the kid unsupervised like she did? If she’d simply awakened the kid’s father and asked him to watch his kid while she went to the grocery store, this whole situation could have been avoided. Your friend’s an idiot for leaving this child, who has known behavioral problems, unsupervised. I’m rather shocked that a mother would leave her son alone like this, especially when it could have so easily been avoided.
I know that whenever we were kids, and got spanked, I’d say, “I’m going to tell my teacher to call CPS.” Because I was a smart-ass and a defiant little brat.
And Mom would say, “Good! 'Cause you know what’ll happen? They’ll take you kids away from us! I’ll get to sit around on my butt eating bon-bons all day, and you’ll go to a family that doesn’t love you, will treat you like crap, and who will only want you for the paycheck from the state! With all the money your Dad and I save on not having to take care of you, maybe we’ll go on a world tour!”
Neither of us really meant what we said to each other, but it gives me an idea–that maybe someone should educate him about what the consequences of calling CPS really are.
(Disclaimer: I know there are some great foster families out there. Unfortunately, my understanding is that my Mom’s example is far more typical.)
Uncle Beer, she didn’t wake the father up because the kids had already been put to bed for the night. It was after 10:00 P.M. My friend prefers to do her grocery shopping later at night to try to avoid long lines and so she doesn’t have to take the kids with her. He wasn’t anymore unsupervised then if she’d have gone to bed also.
This is the first time the kid trashed the house. Most of his tantrums have been at school, with other kids. However he does get very mouthy with everyone.
Diagnosis of any form of mental illness in children is extremely hard - or so my dad, who worked in that field for years, tells me.
Sounds like the young lad borders on the sociopathic…
As for teachers calling CPS, they have no choice. Doesn’t matter what THEY think happened (or didn’t), it’s their responsibility to report.
I pity that poor mother. It’s hard. There’s no doubt about it. When dad taught at the psychiatric hospital school, he saw lots of kids like these. Thankfully, when things got seriously out of hand, parents were able to get some form of respite help and have the kids fully evaluated in a psych ward…
Yikes.
Sometimes, I’m really happy that all I deal with, for the moment, are dogs…
