This is why we have juvinile delinquints.(long)

The BBQ Pit
41

First off the teacher has no choice but to report. The teacher must report if s/he suspects abuse or, if told of abuse, even if the teacher knows that the story is bogus. Even reporting to the principal ( at least in Wisconsin) does not remove legal obligations.

Second, most coloration of brusing does not take place immediately, a yellow coloration is quite an old bruise usualy at least a week. Also, a kid that is in a lot of fights at school can quite possibly be someone who has been taught at home that violence is a way of solving problems (ie abuse), so a kid that had just been in a fight would not be excluded from having also been abused.

Thirdly children who are disabled are more likely to be abused. ADHD kids are substantialy more frustrating than normal kids, and everyone has all sorts of absolutely impracticle advice involving 24/7 suppervision and the patience of a saint.

That all said, slapping the kid in frustration isn’t the answer, neither is a 12 minute time out for a 12 year old ( I can’t really believe they said that) There is help out there. It is hard to find and can be contradictory (these kids are all wired a little differently and not all that wiring is the same so the same answer doesn’t work on every kid), but it is out there. Maybe it is time to see what can help, I suspect there are several people on the board who can point your friend in the right direction.

I am fortunate. My ADHD kid is pretty well helped (most of the time) with drugs. With the Stratera we are even winning the homework battles about 60% of the time, that doesn’t mean there aren’t still times I get the urge to slap her silly.

42

Well if she isn’t giving the child the environment he needs, even though she has been trying very hard with an autistic ADHD child, then if I were her I would let the professionals take care of it. Sounds like the kid needs to go into some sort of home or something. How sad.

43

I have a younger brother - a mere 1 year younger than I, to be exact - who was a true ADHD. This was before it was called that in general terms. He was diagnosed as “hyperactive” back in 1975. My parents went through living hell with him, and yes, they sought professional help. When he was 12-15 they put him in a “home” where he was supposed to get all kinds of treatment, and we, as a family, attended therapy sessions, too. You know what? He’s soon to be 34, and he’s still a miserable, messed up, emotional shit of a human being…

…so, “professional” help doesn’t always help…

44

Um, yeah, that would REALLY be an ideal place for someone with autism and ADHD.

:dubious:

45

You are right. It doesn’t always help. Alot of this has come a long way in the 28 years since your brother was diagnosed, and still the tools available are alot like doing microsurgery with a sledge hammer. ADHD, left unchecked, can often lead to some even worse behavioral difficulties, including violence. So the only answer is to keep looking untill you find the answer that works for your kid. It isn’t easy, but writing off a child without trying is unthinkable.

46

Oh yes, the typical “All he needs is good discipline and a spanking” attitude. I’m sure that’ll work where the parent failed, am I right?

WRT to the OP: Perhaps have your friend reasess the Autism diagnosis. Most autistics lack a good theory of mind, which makes lieing / decieving / manipulating very hard for them. It’s not a normal behaviour for autistics. Maybe it has to do with the ADHD aspect, or perhaps it’s something else. As already said, precise diagnosis can be hard.

47

My nephew had been diagnosed with ADHD, and perhaps a touch of autism, for years, despite the fact that no medication seemed to help for more than a few weeks, if that long. My sister, not being made of money, had to accept the doctors findings, in the face of all evidence showing something more larger at work.

After years, Tyler is 13, of therapy, dozen of medication attempts and a few visits from CPS, they took a step they felt they had to: temporarily giving up custody. My understanding is that now that he is in the Foster/welfare system, he can get the analysis he has needed for many years but could never get thanks to the hoops they had to jump through with traditional medical practices (ones they could never jump through and never really had a chance), and it turns out the he has Aspburgers Syndrome. I had been thinking he might be manic-depressive or bipolar, which doctors can’t diagnose on children using the methods they developed for adults, but AS is, in retrospect, the exact fit.

Armchair diagnosing here, your friend might want to look into this, too. Timeouts are totally meaningless to a child like this. Repercussions for actions just don’t register in the least. Accountability is non-existent in the basic wiring of the child and no “Parental Classes” are going to change that.

Having CPS called is all well and good, except in some cases when it isn’t: my sister cannot run her child care business anymore because CPS had been called to there home twice. Nevermind that both times they found there was no actual cause for the call other than a petulant child, simply the fact that they were called for “abuse”, that entry into the ledger, is a black mark and earns a blacklisting from any kind of child care.

–
On Preview, I see Aslan kinda sorta brings up the same issue. If your friend has the means, it might very well be a good idea to take the child to someone familiar with AS, childhood bipolar disorders and the like. Regular doctors, diagnosing children based on the methods taught to find things in adults, will no catch the try causes (IME, lest someone ask for a cite.)

48

…CPS had been called to their home…
…will not catch the true causes…

49

I don’t know if this is an option in your state, but maybe your friend should consider filing an out-of-control petition. Basically, this is saying that this child is beyond her abilities to discipline or protect effectively, and she voluntarily gives the state temporary custody of him. It’s very much a last resort kind of thing, but this kid is apparently becoming increasingly violent, as well as much larger and stronger as he gets older. It sounds like she needs to take some drastic steps before he hurts her, or one of her other children, or seriously injures one of the kids at school.

50

Exactly.

I’ve heard enough horror stories about the CPS Nazis to make me extremely distrustful of them. If CPS ever shows up at my house for any reason, I will politely ask to see their search warrant. If they fail to show one, I will give them 60 seconds to leave my property.