The other thing to consider is that not everything he told you was neccesarily accurate. Maybe it is, and maybe it isn’t. But it certainly isn’t unknown for people soliciting money to magnify the problems they face.
Potentially not the best phrasing. :eek:
That said I’d agree with the assessment; between a choice of driving himself to bankruptcy paying for his daughter’s care and letting his racist in-laws take over the brunt, that’s one tough rock to be pinned against by a hard place. Especially when, all things considered, it wouldn’t at all be surprising if he found the idea selfish. Here he is handing off the care of his only surviving daughter to bigoted relatives who dislike him and probably wouldn’t want to give her back once he’s regained his financial footing, and for what? So he can make money. Despite the fact that not doing this would eventually place him in a position where he’s of no help to anyone least of all his daughter, it isn’t difficult to drum up some guilt and self-loating in such a position because you end up thinking that no matter how badly off you are, your daughter will always be worse.
It’s an unenviable position any way you look at it, but something’s gotta give, and ultimately it will have to be him.
I’m not angry at him in the least. See?
I hope that he will eventually *hear *what i said.
My heart breaks for the baby. One of the downfalls of working for an organization that raises money to protect sick babies is I’ve seen it too much and not enough to be inured to it…just enough to know exactly what could happen.
I’m going to give this a try.
You really didn’t do anything wrong per se. You were put on the spot and did the best you could. Very few people are at their best in that sort of situation. Also, the guy was obviously venting and likely would have yelled at you at some point no matter what.
That said, and please try to take this as constructive criticism, you should not have said anything to him except for moral support type statements. I have observed several times on this board where you have given advice where you had no business giving advice because the answer was way outside of your experience. You obviously mean well and are trying to help but incorrect or misplaced advice can cause more harm than good. We’ve tangled in a couple of those theads and my perception is that you get emotional and don’t hear what I and others tried to say to you.
I’m not going to dig up cites and I certainly am not going to hijack this thread by arguing over examples from the past. I am not attacking you. You asked a question and I answered it. I hope this helps.
Like I have said uber times in this thread, I do my best not to help anyone or give anyone advice in real life. The alternative would have been either hanging up on him or being rude…which is giving advice in another sense. I knew this man would take anything I did as a message.
On a message board…sometimes it’s your own fault if you listen to advice given without considering it twice.
sigh It’s like I’m speaking another language or something. I’m really sorry. I should have let this alone.
Or for people perceiving persecution to magnify the extent of their problems - we can all be biased in our perception of reality, only more-so for someone under the tremendous pressure it sounds like this guy feels.
Anaamika, I’m sure you did your best (it really sounds like you did). But it also sounds like this guy put you into a no-win situation. There wasn’t anything that you could tell him that would not result in him signing-off curtly - you just weren’t going to solve all of his problems magically over the phone. Good luck.
Anaamika, I’ve been involved with the kidney foundation both as a nurse and a volunteer. I’ve dealt with transplant registries all over the country.
A famil’s financial status is never an issue in listing a child for transplant. The only reason she wouldn’t be listed is she’s physically not eligible.
There are places throughout the country that care for sick children no matter what the financial status of the family. St Jude’s and Shriner’s Hospital are but two examples.
I could be wrong but, it sounds like a scam to get money and/or attention.
Anyone who loves his child would put his own needs aside and do what’s best for the child, which is exactly what you suggested.
You did more than enough. You have a kind heart, don’t let one selfish person break it.
’mika, my first paying job was in the US, doing secretarial work in a summer camp.
One day the director stormed into the reception, yelled at me about something I wasn’t even responsible for and took his black, lightning-shooting cloud into his office. His wife (and vice-director) came and started to explain that I shouldn’t take it badly and I cut her with “oh, I know, he wasn’t angry at me, he must have gotten some bad shit from a parent and because he couldn’t yell at the parent but could yell at me, he yelled at me. No big deal.”
stare blink “How did you know?”
“Oh, my Dad used to do the same when he had this idiot boss. Like I said, no problem.”
This guy needed someone to yell at. Who can he yell at? The doctors? Wouldn’t do him no good. His wife? As if she didn’t have enough on her platter! His family? Yeah right, hers may not be the only family that’s somewhat batshit about the whole thing. You were a kind, random stranger - so you did him the unintended service of acting as a target he could punch. And yes, the first time someone uses you like that it feels like shit, but you probably helped him a lot more than you think you did.
Does this make any sense?