I miss the way my life used to be.
I miss my husband. Everything about him…
Everything about us…
I am keeping it together mostly for the kids. They need me.
I keep telling myself to keep breathing because the children need me.
I am not looking forward to my birthday next week.
Sorry to hear that you’re having a hard time. 
No doubt you’re right that your kids need you and you have to keep going for them, but that doesn’t make it easy to do.
Are you making any plans for your birthday? I’ve never experienced the loss of a spouse but from what I experienced when I have had to deal with the first holidays without my parents, I think it’s a good idea to try to stay busy and surround yourself with friends or activities. It doesn’t erase the pain, but having a distraction does make it easier to bear in my experience.
All my best to you and your kids.
{{Stendhal}}
I’m sorry to hear you’re having a bad time.
With your birthday and your daughter’s birthday and Christmas all coming right up, there’s no way that things wouldn’t be extremely hard. Try to be as easy as you can on yourself right now. Don’t be shy about letting the people around you know that you can use some help.
I’ll be thinking of you and your girls. I hope you can find some diversion around here while you’re going through this.
Oh, I’m so sorry. I was widowed myself when I was just 28. It was a very painful time in my life. Grief therapy helped me a great deal. The therapist gave me permission to cry, which was something I really needed to do.
Be gentle with yourself.
How about if you plan your birthday geared toward the kids? Cake and ice cream, silly hats, lame games or even an outing they’d really enjoy. I know that won’t fill your void, but maybe it will fill theirs. {{{hugs to you}}}
I think we all feel pressure around this time of year to be positive and grateful and celebratory. Maybe try letting go of any expectations you may have and just allow yourself to feel whatever you feel in the moment. Your kids might be feeling a similar pressure. It might be good to come together as a family, admit that you’re all having a hard time, and then just let those days be whatever they will be. I’m no expert, but I don’t think it would be necessarily bad for your children to see you grieve. Grief is a natural and healthy part of loss. You can be one another’s strength. I’m sure they are grieving too.
Stendhal Syndrome, I feel for you. Your children and you are lucky you have each other, it keeps life somewhat normal to have to go through the routine of life together. I know that if I told you that things get easier, you wouldn’t really believe it at this point. Things get easier, but you never forget him.
I have some idea of what you’re going through. My husband died January 30, 1984. We had an 11-year-old son. Yesterday was my late husband’s birthday, a blue day for me every year.