While it is true that the Double Quarter Pounder is #4 on the McDonald’s menu, it does not therefore follow that the regular Quarter Pounder is #2 merely because 2 is half of 4.
When you’re standing at a curb in downtown Seattle and a minivan stops in front of you, do not open the door and get in. It is not an Ubersoft campus shuttle.
I have a sneaking suspicion that this is not the correct way to post in a thread. I’ve already had success with the ‘quick reply’ option, but now I want to see what happens when I click ‘post reply’ at the bottom. Maybe this will come out fine, maybe I’ll make a fool out of myself, who knows. I’m new and I’m allowed a few mistakes. Please be gentle if you have to correct me 
. As for the post :
One should not pocket the lighter they have just borrowed from somebody 5 seconds ago (even worse if its a stranger)
One should first check if there are eggs in the fridge before chopping up ingrediants for an omlette
There is no need to carry the remote control when answering the phone, getting a snack or answering the door.
Aha it worked! The whole ‘Title’ option had me worried I was about to start a new thread.
When walking around the parking lot looking for my Blue Chevy Pickup, it is wise to remember that the truck now belongs to to someone else and I now drive a Black Kia Sedona.
The key to the Saturn does not work in the Kia. The key to the Kia does not work in the Saturn. Neither key works for house doors.
My new van is an automatic. There is no need to SHIFT it.
Wesley is my DOG
Sophie is my DAUGHTER
Duncan is my SON
Robin is my WIFE
Eventually, I will run down the list far enough so that I’m scolding the right one.
Poker and Cribbage are very different games. Keep that in mind when discarding.
He can, when he can’t even figure out exactly what the other Doper is referring to :o.
Note: cold coffee and cold maple syrup have completely different consistencies. Cold maple syrup does not slosh.
Also, lables are good.
Another thing to remember: your room key does not unlock your building. Your building key card is useless in your room’s keyed lock.
Finally, if you want to unlock your bike at the train station five minutes before departure, it is advisable to remember the lock combination. If you can’t remember it, having it in written form somewhere on your person isn’t a bad idea.
Finally, MBTA buses do not take five dollar bills. They just don’t. Carry ones.
That reminds me:
SAM* is my roommate’s name. KEVIN* is my brother’s name. SEVEN is a number.STEVE does not exist.
*names changed to protect the dastardly
Posting a cheque and throwing away an empty chocolate wrapper are not tasks that should be attempted within the same short period of time (I still wonder where that crisp packet ended up, it’s not like it had a stamp).
I mean the chocolate wrapper ended up, I wrote half and then realised I was misremembering.
In addition, posting on message boards before brain has fully engaged for the day is also to be avoided.
Before attempting to put on a pair of glasses, one should always make sure one is not already wearing a pair of glasses.
Before you call your dad in a panic because someone stole your car while you were at work, please check one row over in the parking lot for your car. I know it was early when you got to work that morning, but jeez.
Righty tighty, lefty loosey, does not reverse if your lying on your back looking up at the work.
After phoning someone, do not end the conversation w/ “Thanks for calling”.
After arriving at the store, it defeats the purpose if you must drive home again to get the discount coupons.
This thread is hilarious, absolutely hilarious. So hilarious, in fact, that I sent a link to my CE…O…my …f***!!!
Likewise, when wandering around the parking lot looking for your Saturn wagon, it’s wise to remember that you no longer own the wagon and now own a Chevy Trailblazer. I mean, come on, it’s been four freaking months.
:smack:
Before insisting that one’s wife help one find one’s keys, one is advised to be sure that said keys are not in one’s pocket already.
It is not necessary to remove one’s pants before removing contact lenses.
The coffee pot goes back onto the coffee maker. Not the refrigerator.
The telephone, although a highly advanced device, does not respond to spoken commands like, “I’ll be there in a second.”
The gym membership card does not work in the ATM.
Regards,
Shodan
The sandwich one puts into the sidepocket of one’s golfbag at lunchtime today will not necessarily look like the same sandwich one takes out of one’s golfbag in two weeks time.
A closed DVD cover does not necessarily mean it contains an actual DVD. One will have to go home and fetch the actual DVD.
When parking one’s motorcycle, it is a good idea to kick out the sidestand before one gets off said motorcycle.
When calling a coworker and leaving voicemail - it is prudent to inform them why you called. Otherwise, they will return your call and be rude enough to ask you why you called.
Addendum - They will return your call WHILE you are reading a thread about absentmindedness on the SDMB
The number “five hundred” has two zeros in it, not three. This is especially important to remember when writing cheques.
Also, when writing out the amount in words on a cheque, it is helpful to ensure that the number you are writing out is in fact the amount you wish to pay, and not, say, “Five Thousand” instead of “Five Hundred.”
Thirdly, if you happen to write out the wrong amount twice on the first cheque, it is a good idea to be extra careful not to write the same wrong amount on the next cheque. :smack:
Maybe it’s time you got a credit card.
His nametag specifically says Peter Thomas. Yes, whilst one would agree that Thomas is a well known first name, when speaking directly to him it is preferable and polite to call him Mr Thomas, or even Peter.
[I kid you not, that synaptic ricochet occurred no less than 10 minutes ago. Maybe I should pack up and go home :smack: ]
When getting ready for work in the morning, it is helpful to bring all articles of clothing to the same place for easier donning. Having your shirt, jeans, and shoes upstairs in the bedroom is of little use when your underwear is still in the dryer downstairs.
When cooking something on the stove, actually turning the stove on is usually required.