Repeat after me, diesel and petrol are NOT the same.
[I’ve seen this happen - both the driver AND the pump attendant were not paying attention. What a monumental fuck up.]
Oooh, I logged in just to see if there were any duh-moment threads right now because…
I just walked into the men’s room and they’ve replaced the usual blue urinal cakes with pink ones. So naturally [you can see this one coming, right?] I was worried that I had walked into the ladies’ room.
Okay I’m committing the faux pas of posting without really reading the thread because I’m busy with work. I realize from the OP that this really about absent-mindedness than… well, stupidity. So I’ll extrapolate on one of the OP points (they’re related, at least to my mind)…
If you are wondering if you’ll have to stop for gas on the way home, you cannot gauge the amount of gas left in your car by looking at your watch, especially while still sitting in your cubicle at work.
Okay, I promise to go back and read to whole thread when I have a chance to see if my post belongs here.
sigh Putting up the sidestand before putting it in gear helps too.
Also on the motorcycle take off the eyeglasses before pulling the full face helmet over your head.
Buckle up the chin strap before putting on the gloves.
Take motorcycle key out of pants pocket before putting on gloves.
Okay, I’ve actually read the thread now. Couldn’t resist. Great thread, everyone, by the way. I have more now:
If storefront doors do not open automatically upon approach, do not continue walking; they may not be automatic doors.
Do not run one’s finger along the blade to gauge the sharpness of a knife. Corollary: when bleeding, try to bleed in one spot. This makes for easier clean-up later.
If it is not raining when one arrives at work, do not interpret this as an indication that it is not raining at lunchtime.
When planning an elaborate birthday celebration for a co-worker, confirm that he is not scheduled to be out of the office that day.
Cars continue to need oil changes even when they are no longer shiny and new. Where I live, they also continue to need state inspections every year.
If your sweater looks a bit odd, you may be wearing it backwards. If you need to take off your sweater, take off your glasses first. If you have taken off your glasses, put them back on at the earliest convenience; they help you see. If you cannot find your work ID, it may be hooked to the back of your sweater if you were wearing your sweater backwards earlier in the day.
Rice goes in the rice cooker, not the crockpot.
Both the rice cooker and the crockpot work better when plugged in and turned on.
When attempting to enter one’s car, it is recommended that you unlock the door, first.
It is also recommended to engage the break before attempting to put the car in gear.
Eek. Especially don’t do this in front of, say, any hot chicks that may be around that you are trying to impress. I don’t own a motorcycle. But I can imagine it.
An intimate telephone conversation with one’s significant other is not sufficient justification for then saying “I love you” at the conclusion of the subsequent telephone conversation with one’s boss.
Even if you have toddler children at home, when you’re at work you should not refer to yourself in the third person as “mommy” (i.e. “Do you want mommy to take a look at that spec?”)
Also when among adults you should excuse yourself to go to the restroom, not to go potty.
Glasses of water should be removed daily from the bedside table, lest in the dark of night Friday’s water be indistinguishable from last Monday’s.
The snow skiing crowd is just as offended by a loud, absentminded, post-lunch belch outside on the patio as they are inside the dining quarters.
Corollary: You can usually remove tented foil from, say, a turkey, without using a hot pad - foil cools quickly. You can also remove an instant-read thermometer from the turkey without using a hot pad, it was never hot. Neither of these facts is true when removing a traditional meat thermometer. Either the turkey is completely raw, in which case you can use your bare hands but you really don’t want to eat the turkey… or the turkey is cooked, in which case so is the thermometer… :smack:
When you’re taking out the trash and the recycling, the trash does not go in the recycling bin. Nor does the recycling go in the trash bin.
When you remove a bunch of frozen packets of breastmilk from the freezer to count them and move a few to the fridge, you need to put the remaining packets back in the freezer if you would like them to remain frozen.
The water you left on the table after the meeting? That you think maybe your coworker grabbed by mistake as she left? You’re holding it in your hand, hidden by your notepad.
here’s a classic:
.,…anybody ever tried to get out of the car before unbuckling the seat belt???
And as long as we’re on that–make sure the window is down before giving your order at the drive-thru or attempting to pay a toll.
…and paying the cashier at the drive-thru window does not complete the transaction. You must wait for them to hand you the food before driving off.
You do not get any change when you purchase something for ten bucks if all you give the cashier is… ten bucks. Not matter how long you stand there.
This is especially true if you pay her using your loose change, which takes you five minutes to scrape together enough to cover the bill.
… And pulling up at Dunkin’ Donuts and ordering a pack of cigarettes will get you nothing. sigh I must have said it three times before I realized that they don’t have cigarettes.
While root beer on granola isn’t so bad, orange juice on Rice Chex doesn’t work so well.
And when you’re finished, the milk goes in the refrigerator, not the cupboard. Cereal doesn’t need to be kept cold.
If you’ve wandered into a bathroom without urinals, there is no need to go looking through the entire place until someone walks in. The urinals aren’t hiding or out for repairs; this is the women’s bathroom.
Setting the alarm requires you to hold down the ‘alarm set’ button before pressing the Hour and Minute buttons. Failing to do so will merely change the time.
That mysterious noise will probably go away if you
…actually connect the probe to ground.
…DC couple the scope.
…check the trigger level.
…turn the power on.
If you are keeping track by writing on the shower wall in shampoo, you must remember to write on the wall in shampoo before you wash your hair.
Remember, prescription sunglasses or plain prescription glasses, not both.
When getting on a subway train, remember to check the direction in which the train is heading, particularly if the other direction involves a trip across a bay to another city.
Pressing your thumb down as if you were holding a remote will not allow you to fast forward through voicemail messages, telephone conversations, or meetings. Nor will pressing the T.V. remote button work for these purposes.
Your ATM card will not work on public transit. Conversely, your public transit card will not work in the ATM.
The amount of the check and the date of the check are two different numbers. When writing a check on 1/20/2006, do not make the check out for $1.20 unless that is the amount you intend to pay.
If you purchase milk on the way home from work, it is advisable to refrigerate the milk on arriving home, or at least prior to going to bed.
Or hocking a loogy.